Ethical baby dilemma

[Hungry Joe.]

Going on from the 'Have You Got Children?' thread how about this for an ethical dilemma........

I can't have kids as chemotherapy fried my nuts. Stupidly I didn't save any sperm when I had the chance. Now I would love to have children of my own. I am one of only two brothers and my older brother's wife is too old to consider having children safely so this branch of the Holloway male line will at present die with me. This makes me feel sad.

The only option to continue the line and have a child with my own families blood line would be to artificially (or otherwise....eugh!) inseminate my girlfriend with my brothers sperm but this throws up all kinds of issues.

What do the good people of NSC think?

 

[CHAPPERS]

Errrrrmmmmmm......


I dunno.

 

[Yorkie]

More importantly what does your girlfriend and your brother think?

I think it would cause a lot more problems than it would solve.

 

[SK1NT]

are you speakin theoretically or is this your dilema?

if you really want kids, go for it!

 

[Hungry Joe.]

More importantly what does your girlfriend and your brother think?

I think it would cause a lot more problems than it would solve.

Haven't mentioned it to them, haven't mentioned it to anyone for that matter until now. Thought it would be easier to get objective views first. I agree with you though that it could cause way too many problems.

 

[REDLAND]

I think you'd be better off talking it over with your wife rather than posting it on a message board

 

[Hungry Joe.]

I think you'd be better off talking it over with your wife rather than posting it on a message board

I intend to Redland but what's the harm in getting objective opinions from people I don't know? It's not as if I'm stupid enought to take them all seriously.

 

[Yorkie]

Problems could include

Your sister in law hasn't got any children of her own so would feel inadequate or envious that her husband had fathered a child.

You wouldn't be able to look at that child without realising that it isn't really yours but your brothers.

Your girlfriend would feel that she was a breeding machine for the Holloway male line.

How would you explain to the child that his uncle is really his father?

If your brother had wanted to father children then surely he and his wife would have done it when they were younger?


All thoughts which spring to mind.

 

[Hungry Joe.]

Problems could include

Your sister in law hasn't got any children of her own so would feel inadequate or envious that her husband had fathered a child.

You wouldn't be able to look at that child without realising that it isn't really yours but your brothers.

Your girlfriend would feel that she was a breeding machine for the Holloway male line.

How would you explain to the child that his uncle is really his father?

If your brother had wanted to father children then surely he and his wife would have done it when they were younger?


All thoughts which spring to mind.

All good points Yorkie, some I had thought of myself. The last one doesn't count as my brother didn't meet his wife until they were older. Previously he wanted kids but has now accepted he won't, but that's neither here nor there really. The trouble is I'd have real trouble adopting as I'm not considered to have a 'normal' life expectancy. Maybe some things are just not meant to be.

 

[harry_h]

Personally i would adopt

 

[Simster]

Yorkie's right, you're better off adopting IMHO.

 

[Easy 10]

I agree with Yorkie. This throws up all kinds of potential problems for EVERYONE involved. But if having that child is the overriding factor in all of this, and you think it outweighs all the complications mentioned by Yorkie, then thats your call.

Hell of a decision to make though.

 

[Gazwag]

If you are close to your brother then whats the harm in discussing it, at the end of the day if you want kids surely its better to use your brothers sperm than a total stranger. He would just be performing into a test tube so it would be like performing with your girlfriend as that would be were the real problems would come. Probably best to talk to your girlfriend first, does she want children as well?

Being a father is certainly a great experience (most of the time anyway) and one I am glad I achieved

 

[Yorkie]

I know you probably wouldn't be considered for a baby adoption given your health problems but adoption agencies do consider people for older children or disabled children.

Have you tried all those avenues?

 

[Hungry Joe.]

Yorkie's right, you're better off adopting IMHO.

Problematic to say the least. I'm not considered to have a normal life expectancy and adoption agencies don't like that.

 

[Hungry Joe.]

I know you probably wouldn't be considered for a baby adoption given your health problems but adoption agencies do consider people for older children or disabled children.

Have you tried all those avenues?

Not yet, worth looking into I guess.

 

[Hungry Joe.]

If you are close to your brother then whats the harm in discussing it, at the end of the day if you want kids surely its better to use your brothers sperm than a total stranger.

My feelings exactly. I am very close to my brother, he's my best friend as well as brother. I think my girlfriend wants children but has diplomaticaly not discussed it.

 

[Marshy]

Personally I think its a bad idea, throws up too many problems.

Its easy for me to say it as i already have a liitle boy.

But if i couldnt have children for some reason, I think i would have just accepted in at and moved on.

 

[Albion Rob]

Why don't you foster? It has always struck me as a bit of a short term solution and could descend into chaos, but I think the kids are all matched up with foster parents who would give them the best possible chance to get their lives together. Plus the bond seems to grow between the 'parents' and children so in many ways it would be just like having kids and it's also a very good thing to do.

I think that is what I would look into although I admittedly don't know an amazing amount about it at the moment.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

I think you'd be better off talking it over with your wife rather than posting it on a message board

I intend to Redland but what's the harm in getting objective opinions from people I don't know? It's not as if I'm stupid enought to take them all seriously.

Am I alone in thinking that NSC is actually one of the BETTER places to discuss these sorts of issues?

Good luck in finding a solution, Phaedrus.