Cut Off from Civilisation - NSC's Advice Sought

[clapham_gull]

Take the money and make your own arrangements by staying at home.

Just to cover yourself make sure you are living at home like living in a hotel.

Here are a few tips.

1) After cleaning the toilet ensure you place an unnecessary length of paper across it.

2) Buy some small plastic containers to put your shampoo, conditioner and shower gel in. Use daily what you require, but ensure you hide the rest to ensure a fresh supply the next day. Buy some more containers and repeat. This will save you pounds !

3) Remember to chain your hair dryer to the wall.

4) Most importantly place a kettle in your bedroom. This is quite obviously the height of luxury. I've been tempted at home, but felt it far too decadent. For absolute authenticity buy one of those travel kettles that only makes a couple of cups and place alongside some weak teabags, play it safe and use a brand no one actually drinks like Liptons.

 

[jgmcdee]

£107 a night for a week? Definitely take the money.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

And remember all those saying take the ££££ it is coming from your pockets as a tax payer so I vote LB stays in Dick Tights shed as he did a few years ago

Ah. The shed. I never asked him what he kept in the safe that was tucked away behind the lawnmower.

 

[edna krabappel]

Insist on a Corby Trouser Press.

 

[countryman]

Take the money and make your own arrangements by staying at home.

Just to cover yourself make sure you are living at home like living in a hotel.

Here are a few tips.

1) After cleaning the toilet ensure you place an unnecessary length of paper across it.

2) Buy some small plastic containers to put your shampoo, conditioner and shower gel in. Use daily what you require, but ensure you hide the rest to ensure a fresh supply the next day. Buy some more containers and repeat. This will save you pounds !

3) Remember to chain your hair dryer to the wall.

4) Most importantly place a kettle in your bedroom. This is quite obviously the height of luxury. I've been tempted at home, but felt it far too decadent. For absolute authenticity buy one of those travel kettles that only makes a couple of cups and place alongside some weak teabags, play it safe and use a brand no one actually drinks like Liptons.

Also, remember to limit yourself to one very small sache of sugar per tea.

 

[HastingsSeagull]

Cash

 

[teaboy]

Will they need/want receipts before they cough up? If yes, then 2. If not, 3. Don't forget the pups will need luxury too...

 

[Tooting Gull]

I love this thread.

Good and fair offers, both b and c sound good to me.

But I particularly love it because our road is about to be closed for a week with great inconvenience. And armed with this I am already looking forward to a phone call tomorrow morning.

 

[atfc village]

We've just had a visit from a very nice man from Atkins Rail to inform us (that's the Bracknell household and our neighbours) that Network Rail will be closing our road for the whole of next week (starting at midnight on Sunday) to allow them to dig up and replace the level crossing that we have to use to get convenient access to the outside world.

Obviously it would have been better to have had a bit more notice - since this will be incredibly inconvenient. They have offered to maintain pedestrian access across the level crossing (ring a bell and someone will check that it is safe, and the gate through the fence that they will erect will be opened). And they will provide us with a parking space the other side of the railway (with a promise that the contractors' plant won't block it).

But they've also made another offer. Three options have been suggested.

1. We stay at home and live with the inconvenience;
2. They put us and our neighbours up in a hotel for the week; or
3. They pay us the cost of hotel accommodation and leave us to make our own arrangements.

What would NSC advise? We've been asked to make a decision by Friday (tomorrow).

We have 17 Days of a Level Crossing being done in Farnham coming up it will be carnage.

 

[Ken Livingstone Seagull]

We've just had a visit from a very nice man from Atkins Rail to inform us (that's the Bracknell household and our neighbours) that Network Rail will be closing our road for the whole of next week (starting at midnight on Sunday) to allow them to dig up and replace the level crossing that we have to use to get convenient access to the outside world.

Obviously it would have been better to have had a bit more notice - since this will be incredibly inconvenient. They have offered to maintain pedestrian access across the level crossing (ring a bell and someone will check that it is safe, and the gate through the fence that they will erect will be opened). And they will provide us with a parking space the other side of the railway (with a promise that the contractors' plant won't block it).

But they've also made another offer. Three options have been suggested.

1. We stay at home and live with the inconvenience;
2. They put us and our neighbours up in a hotel for the week; or
3. They pay us the cost of hotel accommodation and leave us to make our own arrangements.

What would NSC advise? We've been asked to make a decision by Friday (tomorrow).

Insist that you stay with your old mucker KLS at the Exclusive Chez KLS Spa and Detox Center.

Request, nay m'Lord, demand, round trip first class tickets, room and board (we'll only charge our trifling Friends and Family Rate, 350 quid per night plus VAT and all local sales taxes, the resort fee, a convenience charge, and a modest "handling" charge) plus a generous per diem (mainly for liquid refreshment and the gradely Hawaiian lass fanning you in the hammock with palm fronds).

Sorted.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

Insist that you stay with your old mucker KLS at the Exclusive Chez KLS Spa and Detox Center.

Request, nay m'Lord, demand, round trip first class tickets, room and board (we'll only charge our trifling Friends and Family Rate, 350 quid per night plus VAT and all local sales taxes, the resort fee, a convenience charge, and a modest "handling" charge) plus a generous per diem (mainly for liquid refreshment and the gradely Hawaiian lass fanning you in the hammock with palm fronds).

Sorted.

You're not the first to make such an offer. So far we have Spain, Hawaii and Lancing.

I've never liked Lancing.

 

[cloud]

Remember not to use your towels so you can save the environment.

 

[Peever]

How is that even allowed? Not sure what the laws etc are in the UK inregards to it but here you can not fully block off a road from auto transport....Fire, emergencies etc..... To me its a shock that is allowed!

 

[Adders1]

We've just had a visit from a very nice man from Atkins Rail to inform us (that's the Bracknell household and our neighbours) that Network Rail will be closing our road for the whole of next week (starting at midnight on Sunday) to allow them to dig up and replace the level crossing that we have to use to get convenient access to the outside world.

Obviously it would have been better to have had a bit more notice - since this will be incredibly inconvenient. They have offered to maintain pedestrian access across the level crossing (ring a bell and someone will check that it is safe, and the gate through the fence that they will erect will be opened). And they will provide us with a parking space the other side of the railway (with a promise that the contractors' plant won't block it).

But they've also made another offer. Three options have been suggested.

1. We stay at home and live with the inconvenience;
2. They put us and our neighbours up in a hotel for the week; or
3. They pay us the cost of hotel accommodation and leave us to make our own arrangements.

What would NSC advise? We've been asked to make a decision by Friday (tomorrow).

Take the money and spend it on a lovely bit of heroin.

 

[nevergoagain]

Use the money to sponsor Ryan Harleys kit this season.

 

[Davemania]

Mention the C word and then threaten to go to the papers.

What, ****?

 

[withdeanwombat]

I've always quite fancied a week on that island hotel that Agatha Christie (I believe) used to go to in Cornwall ?

It is terribly expensive and awfully port outward starboard home, but it may suit at a pinch.

 

[Lord Bracknell]

How is that even allowed? Not sure what the laws etc are in the UK inregards to it but here you can not fully block off a road from auto transport....Fire, emergencies etc..... To me its a shock that is allowed!

There is in fact an ambulance base only half a mile away that will be affected.

 

[edna krabappel]

How is that even allowed? Not sure what the laws etc are in the UK inregards to it but here you can not fully block off a road from auto transport....Fire, emergencies etc..... To me its a shock that is allowed!

Presumably they can if they've notified the residents & given them the option to leave.

The emergency access thing is relevant: for example if travellers get into a field by non-standard means- eg driving down a footpath & through a pedestrian entrance- the council then have to come along & unlock the previously-padlocked official road entrance gate so that they can have lawful and safe access.

A traveller told me that once. So I'm pretty sure it's true.

 

[Screaming J]

There are some lovely hotels close to you in Lewes that you could take advantage of. The Crown springs to mind. Or of course the White Hart.