Coping with Depression

[ChampionsElect]

Firstly I used to be quite a prolific poster on here so know the good advice and help that NSC can actually give, although I don't post anywhere near enough as I used to. I'd like to get this out in the open but for the time being I'd like to protect my identity.

Basically, it feels like I'm at an all time low in life and everything and everyone seems so far away. I'm still quite young but people tell me I've been through a lot. I'd say it all started around 14 months when I discovered that an ex of mine had suffered a miscarriage, we weren't planning for a child but the relationship wasn't the greatest although it lasted a fair amount of time. I don't think a day passed by without the thoughts and the upset going through my head.

Since the start of last year I've also got myself into a fair amount of debt and its nye on impossible for me to pay that back as I can't control money in any sort of way. I wish I could.

Things changed for me at the start of September after meeting a new girlfriend, although she was a few years younger than what I am. The relationship was great and I actually felt happy and physically better about myself. The feelings inside felt and feel so much stronger than any other that I previously had. Everything was okay until Christmas Day. That day I woke up in one of those moods where you just sit there and think why? Why have I messed up everything previously in everything else I've ever done etc. Unfortunately I managed to take this out on my girlfriend which ultimately I believed ruined her day. For a few days afterwards things seemed okay but I felt something wasn't right. Just after new year she text me saying that she's sorry for being a bit moody at the moment and that she loves me so much. So I ask to see her and her response was that she didn't know when she'd next be able to see me. An hour or so later I received a text saying that sorry she couldn't do this anymore and that at this moment in time she didn't need a relationship. The pain and the anguish inside is truly the worst I've ever felt. People say move on etc. but the fact is that I can't - my heart won't let me simply because of the feelings I have.

Also its fair to say that I don't really have many close friends and my best mate now lives a fair bit away - the times when you need them the most, they seem so far away. I know that I've wasted a fair bit of my life and ultimately I know that my parents are disappointed in me and feel let down.

Nothing seems to go right for me for a sustained period of time. I know I'm depressed and I've asked to be put back in touch with my psychologist. I just felt I had to get this out in the open and to not bottle it all up inside.

For those who have worked out who I normally post as, please don't reveal this at this moment in time.

 

[Brighton till i die]

depression is NOT to be taken lightly - get the help you can but try to stay off the "happy" pills if possible - or if you do try to get off them as soon as possible.

 

[rool]

My first thoughts are maybe NSC isn't really the place for this type of advice. You are as likely to get teh pull yourself together type comments as well as the supportive one's.
You are more likely to get a better understanding on a dedicated site like http://www.depressionforums.org . I found this to be a good site and it helped to see that sometimes people really are suffering a lot more than yourself. it also helped to read about other people's experiences and how they relate to your own.
To me it sounds more like a grieving process rather than a depression but don't let it worsen. Seek the help you require.
Avoid, if at all possible, the medication though. I have now been on two types for over three years and it's very, very difficult to come off.

Good luck

 

[Stoo82]

You must learn to love yourself before you can love another.

You say: 'I know that my parents are disappointed in me and feel let down'. Do you know this for sure? Have they said it? Or is your depression telling you this?

I can't believe they would think that. Every life is worth somthing and you must not do anything rash as it's the one's left behind who suffer. You may feel alone in the world but I can garantee you that someone out there cares about you. I care, and have been through depression so I know what it feels like. In a way, you have to 'snap out of it'. But only you can do that, and only when you're good an ready.

I really feel you must learn to love yourself. Don't feel alone, there are professionals out there who can help you out.

 

[Simster]

My first thoughts are maybe NSC isn't really the place for this type of advice. You are as likely to get teh pull yourself together type comments as well as the supportive one's.
You are more likely to get a better understanding on a dedicated site like http://www.depressionforums.org . I found this to be a good site and it helped to see that sometimes people really are suffering a lot more than yourself. it also helped to read about other people's experiences and how they relate to your own.
To me it sounds more like a grieving process rather than a depression but don't let it worsen. Seek the help you require.
Avoid, if at all possible, the medication though. I have now been on two types for over three years and it's very, very difficult to come off.

Good luck

Is the correct answer.

 

[BadFish]

Go and see your parents ,mate. Give them the chance to give you the help and support you need. If you are worried about a face to face conversation then write them a letter or email, let them know how you feel and what you need.

Good luck

 

[ChampionsElect]

Thank you for the replies so far. I have now registered on the site suggested above and posted something on to there.

Thing is, this isn't only just affecting me mentally but physically aswell. It makes me ill which then hospitalises me for a few days due to a condition I suffer from.

With regards to parents being disappointed, its just the impression I get. Over the past year I've caused them a lot of pain from things that I have done and I know that I'm holding them back from what they want to do.

 

[Barrel of Fun]

I've been given advice in the past on beating depression.

1) Eat healthily and don't drink much/any alcohol
2) Exercise is good for the body and mind
3) Set yourself some goals. What do you really want to achieve and what do you want to be in life
4) Do talk to people, whether it be neutrals or close friends/family
5) Don't dwell on the past. Look forward.

I'm giving it a crack. Depression is transient and it shouldn't last forever.

 

[Falmer]

My advice to you would be to stay strong and not hate yourself. Your errors in life will only make you stronger and wiser. It's often the ones who go through the shit who come away far better in the long run. See this as a test which you know yourself you can pull through. Relationships can often be the worst cure for depression as it'll hide your depression rather than defeat it. I know someone who had very bad depression which made him try to kill himself, he was so bad it seemed he couldn't see an answer. He got over it though not by taking anti-depressants or seeking a psychologist but instead seeking a new life-style which he found abroad. Depression is really brought on by your surroundings. Like you've mentioned, a lack of friends and a family who are dissapointed in you wont make your problems any easier. You should look towards something fun and exciting to give you a foward way of thinking. Maybe travelling or working somewhere where there's people like-minded through the summer (if thats your thing). Everyday whilst you have depression feels like a week so the sooner you think forward the quicker the days become. I'd also suggest avoiding Booze as this substance can be lethal on your confidence which is something depression really knocks down. Your confidence must be built rather than played with otherwise you'll loose alot of your self-estem and never believe you can achieve what you must to defeat this awful disease you have right now.
Remeber your not the only one who feelsthe way you do, In the USA Depression has become the 3rd biggest killer with predictions that in 30 years it'll be the biggest killer of them all so you must realise your a sufferer not a failure!
This country has similar problems to the USA with mental health and alot of it is a result of british lifestyle which consists mainly of wathcing TV and and getting brainwashed by the internet. We're more isolated than ever and sadly your just another one of the many thousands who have become a victim. There isn't a place in society to go now to feel apart of something when your at your lowest other than mental clinics or pubs! both of which dont really have any great effect on your health.
I really hope the best for you and it would be great to hear from you in the future about how you challenged and defeated your depression so that future sufferes can be inspired.
Goodluck and be strong. The future is where things will be bright!

 

[Jonno]

I can fully sympathise not so much with your specific situation but the kind of feelings you are going through. I'd endorse all the good advice above, especially the staying off the booze (in excessive amounts) as you feel a hundred times worse after a big drinking session. Another thing, keep as busy as you can whether it be with works, friends, hobbies, sports, whatever. If you keep busy, you will find you spend less time reflecting on what's wrong and why you are feeling down etc. and more time just living. It's not easy I know, but sustained and recurrent boredom feels very much like depression in my experience and anything you can do to prevent that will do you good in the long run.

 

[Barrel of Fun]

If you are worried about your debt, then I would recommend going organising an appointment with the CAB.

Brighton and Hove Citizens Advice Bureau

My little business failed and debts spiralled. I know how letters/phone calls can get on top of you and stress you out.

If you are not meeting new people then do consider taking up some sort of voluntary work in your spare time or joining a theatre or whatever floats your boat.

 

[algie]

Can i say who it is?

 

[Billy the Fish]

Pick up the phone and call or txt your mate, It's not the answer to you problem but I'm sure the extra moral support won't go amiss. sounds like hard times, Good luck fella

 

[brighton_girl87]

Can i say who it is?

Why would you want to?

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

I have had the personal 3 years from Hell. It is a miracle I am still standing so I am trying to gain back my self espect from that. I am not going to go into it all on here but suffice to say I have walked in your Shoes and anything I can do to try and help I would be glad to. I do not have the answers but I can empathise. Send me a PM if you want to talk it through.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

If you are worried about your debt, then I would recommend going organising an appointment with the CAB.

Brighton and Hove Citizens Advice Bureau

My little business failed and debts spiralled. I know how letters/phone calls can get on top of you and stress you out.

If you are not meeting new people then do consider taking up some sort of voluntary work in your spare time or joining a theatre or whatever floats your boat.

Do this soon as the Government announced this week they are laying off the debt councilliors at the CAB.

 

[severnside gull]

The action everyone suggests is exactly right - seek advice and be proactive. Keep a diary and note how you feel and any triggers to deeper moods or things that helped. Take the tablets offered (they will be offered) but ask for a monthly review if you are concerned about becoming reliant on them - they usually only help so much and for so long but coming off them is tough. Do all the stuff you are told - not drinking alcohol (well not too much and not alone!) eating a healthy diet, getting up every morning early and not laying in bed, exercising, keeping mentally active, starting every day afresh, controlling your breathing etc etc. Treat managing your depression just the same as a job of work - it is all about you being in control of the moods and not letting them be in control of you. We all know the thing that can hurt the most is the thing that helps the most. You will find a relationship but just because you suffer from low moods doesn't make you any more or less worthy than any of us other poor saps! Some people can cope with a partner's moods, some can't, some want to but can't when it comes down to it. It's not their fault but it isn't yours either! You will find someone even if it is later rather than sooner and when it happens it will be because you are who you are and not in spite of it.
Ask your phsych for a depression management group at your local hospital - they usually meet once a month and they are really helpful because even if you can't or don't talk you can listen and realise there are lots of other perfectly normal people in the same position as you. Use dedicated on-line depression forums - they can be really helpful - but beware trolls. It's no different to here in that respect.

You have to keep working at it and you will get control. Remember to treat it as your job with the wages being paid, not in pounds, but in good feelings about yourself and as Cheryl says in that horrible advert, "remember, you're worth it"

 

[redneb]

I like most people have been depressed at various times of my life. Each time has been for a valid reason which has sorted itself out, but the worst by far has to be 9 years ago.

I wont go into too much detail as I know a lot of people on this board, but I couldn't deal with my problems because the depression was stopping me. It was catch 22.

I have no shame it saying that I was put on Fluoxitine (prozac) which actually saved me. It took a few weeks to a month to work but it made me feel happy again and gave me the strength to deal with the reason why I was depressed.

In this day and age, you really shouldn't need to suffer with this illness and please dont listen to people telling you shouldnt use a solution with is there to help you.

 

[Brighton till i die]

Can i say who it is?

- this probably aint the thread for you.....

 

[Goldstone Rapper]

ChampionsElect, the source of feeling down is not your circumstances but what you make it mean.

When your ex-partner had a miscarriage 14 months ago, what did you make it mean about yourself?
When you got into debt, what did you make it mean about yourself?
When your girlfriend said she doesn't want to be in a relationship any more, what did you make it mean about yourself?

You currently relate to yourself in such a negative way. You probably beat yourself up over the fact that you relate to yourself in a negative way. You even tell stories in your head about how your parents relate to you. Have you actually got a written statement from them both saying that they are both disappointed in you? No. That's just a meaning you've made up.

You are not your circumstances. The circumstances are just the place where you are currently at.

This, too, shall pass.