[Misc] Christmas and mental health

[AmexRuislip]

Mrs AR and myself went put for a walk last Sunday.
She started getting short of breathe, so we went home.
Started getting chest pains, called 111, an ambulance came out.
After a time in A&E, she had a CT scan on Tuesday, found a lesion on her liver and lymph nodes inflamed.
Now needs a MRI scan, which is on Dec 24.
I'm normally a positive chap, but am at my witts end in trying to keep my emotions in check and be strong for my wife.
It'd fvckin hard I tell you

Just needed to get if off my chest.

 

[The Clamp]

Pressure to socialise really does get my anxiety up. For the first time in four years I have Christmas off. And it’s going to be a good one, got a nice, low key day with friends planned. Traditional but quiet and I’m really looking forward to it.

For me it’s the social events leading up to it. I’m deliberately cutting back on alcohol and trying to save money for early retirement. After four years of non-stop night shifts and overtime, I work in supported accommodation/safe houses for vulnerable women and although I care about my job, I just need to have some down time, some early nights, nice walks and some time to get my head back together. I’ve seen some pretty grim things at work these last few years and it’s all becoming normalised. And it’s not stuff you want to bring up round a pub table when everyone is out for a good time.

Trying to communicate to some of my mates that I’d rather we go for a daytime walk and a cuppa than a noisy pub at night is tricky.
Luckily most of my closest friends get that. Some of the others are going to have to be let down this year.

My Brother died suddenly a few days before Christmas only a few years ago. A night time drive to Plymouth only to get there just in time to say goodbye before they switched his life support off. He didn’t even make it to forty, leaving behind a wife and 5 year old lad.

My Dad died a few weeks before him the same year and my Mum passed away some time ago, so Christmas hasn’t t been about family for a while. As a result I have just worked over Christmas for years. I’m very lucky that I have a handful of close friends who keep me upright.

I suppose I’m trying to remember how Christmas works! One thing is for sure though, I’ll never do the big Christmas thing again.
A nice meal with friends/loved ones is plenty extravagant for me. And a good walk.

I hope all those here that struggle at this time of year find a way to have their kind of Christmas, even if that’s ignoring it altogether.

 

[The Clamp]

Mrs AR and myself went put for a walk last Sunday.
She started getting short of breathe, so we went home.
Started getting chest pains, called 111, an ambulance came out.
After a time in A&E, she had a CT scan on Tuesday, found a lesion on her liver and lymph nodes inflamed.
Now needs a MRI scan, which is on Dec 24.
I'm normally a positive chap, but am at my witts end in trying to keep my emotions in check and be strong for my wife.
It'd fvckin hard I tell you

Just needed to get if off my chest.

Wishing you and your wife all the best.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Wishing you and your wife all the best.

Thank you

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

Mrs AR and myself went put for a walk last Sunday.
She started getting short of breathe, so we went home.
Started getting chest pains, called 111, an ambulance came out.
After a time in A&E, she had a CT scan on Tuesday, found a lesion on her liver and lymph nodes inflamed.
Now needs a MRI scan, which is on Dec 24.
I'm normally a positive chap, but am at my witts end in trying to keep my emotions in check and be strong for my wife.
It'd fvckin hard I tell you

Just needed to get if off my chest.

All the best to you and your better half

 

[AmexRuislip]

All the best to you and your better half

Thank you

 

[MJsGhost]

.
A nice meal with friends/loved ones is plenty extravagant for me. And a good walk.

I hope all those here that struggle at this time of year find a way to have their kind of Christmas, even if that’s ignoring it altogether.

Weather for a morning Christmas Day walk (earlyish) is looking bang on currently, which is what’s currently making me most excited about the 25th.

I hope you have a good one and thank you for all you do in a difficult job that would just tear me to pieces.

 

[Whoislloydy]

Looking forward to getting out on the slopes. Heading off to Apex Mountain, should have been a 5 hour drive from Vancouver but because of the insane floods we had highway 5 is closed until February. Highway 3 and 99 closed for essential travel only. So got to dip into Washington state, 5 hour drive is now 11.

 

[MJsGhost]

Mrs AR and myself went put for a walk last Sunday.
She started getting short of breathe, so we went home.
Started getting chest pains, called 111, an ambulance came out.
After a time in A&E, she had a CT scan on Tuesday, found a lesion on her liver and lymph nodes inflamed.
Now needs a MRI scan, which is on Dec 24.
I'm normally a positive chap, but am at my witts end in trying to keep my emotions in check and be strong for my wife.
It'd fvckin hard I tell you

Just needed to get if off my chest.

Fingers crossed for the result you want on the 24th.

You’ll still be her rock, even if you let the emotion show.

 

[AmexRuislip]

Fingers crossed for the result you want on the 24th.

You’ll still be her rock, even if you let the emotion show.

Cheers

 

[The Clamp]

Weather for a morning Christmas Day walk (earlyish) is looking bang on currently, which is what’s currently making me most excited about the 25th.

I hope you have a good one and thank you for all you do in a difficult job that would just tear me to pieces.

View attachment 142816

Excellent! Thank you for that. Like you, it’s my favourite part of Christmas, the walk. Have a good one

 

[Glawstergull]

I don’t know what to say to most that have posted on this thread as I myself just feel tired. Tired of 4 years of it not being the life it was and the one I had planned. Lost both parents the year before COVID as as most have found it’s been tough to do the good things since. I have found that the friendships that I am lucky to have keep me going.
Thank you all for the virtual friendship that this board gives from a match day to a surreal conversation on a random weekday about music, film and stuff.
The thoughts and suggestions for a calmer less commercial Xmas are very interesting and valuable. Do what you need to do and look after yourself. The rest will take care of itself.

Peace and goodwill to you all.

 

[MJsGhost]

Excellent! Thank you for that. Like you, it’s my favourite part of Christmas, the walk. Have a good one

2019’s Christmas morning walk was a BELTER.

Seems a long time ago.



Have a good one too!

 

[Questions]

Mrs AR and myself went put for a walk last Sunday.
She started getting short of breathe, so we went home.
Started getting chest pains, called 111, an ambulance came out.
After a time in A&E, she had a CT scan on Tuesday, found a lesion on her liver and lymph nodes inflamed.
Now needs a MRI scan, which is on Dec 24.
I'm normally a positive chap, but am at my witts end in trying to keep my emotions in check and be strong for my wife.
It'd fvckin hard I tell you

Just needed to get if off my chest.

It’s good to talk. There is no other advice to give other than to stay as strong as you can.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

Mrs AR and myself went put for a walk last Sunday.
She started getting short of breathe, so we went home.
Started getting chest pains, called 111, an ambulance came out.
After a time in A&E, she had a CT scan on Tuesday, found a lesion on her liver and lymph nodes inflamed.
Now needs a MRI scan, which is on Dec 24.
I'm normally a positive chap, but am at my witts end in trying to keep my emotions in check and be strong for my wife.
It'd fvckin hard I tell you

Just needed to get if off my chest.

I hope it is ok for you both. Look after each other.

 

[AmexRuislip]

It’s good to talk. There is no other advice to give other than to stay as strong as you can.

Thank you, NSC is full of decent people in one way or another, who've experienced issues in life and can give good advice

I hope it is ok for you both. Look after each other.

Much appreciated, this helps

 

[Super Steve Earle]

I won't pretend to be in the same head space as several on this thread. My concerns and anxieties are modest. It won't be for everyone, but I love going to the 11.00 pm Christmas Eve service at any church where I happen to be. Sing some carols, listen to the vicar, enjoy some silent moments of reflection to remember lost friends and family, take communion and celebrate the end of the orgy of commercialism in the run up to Christmas. A clearing of my own head clutter if you will. It's my only visit to church each year. You don't need to be religious to draw something from it. Each to their own, but there may be someone here who could draw comfort from it.

 

[bWize]

Best cure I have found for the current general depressing vibe in the air is turning the news and internet media off and taking the dog for a 2-3 mile walk on the beach or local countryside. Amazing how quickly perspective on things can change! Wishing everyone suffering at this time the very best and a Merry Christmas!

 

[pearl]

You took the right steps when you were 16. Many don’t.

My suggestions would be, other than seeing your GP, to seek a talking therapy. Also, especially this time of year, to get some fresh air most days, get walking or cycling.

You’re not alone. Sometimes it helps to know that, rather than unrealistic thinking that everyone else’s lives are good.

You can change things, with help.

that is so true

 

[Just A BHA Fan]

So this is a hard one to write. I created a separate account to post this as my usual account name is used on other parts of the web. Sad to say that I am still ashamed to admit that I have had depression and anxiety for most of my life, over 30 years at least. I have only ever told a handful of people, none of my close friends know. I finally went to my GP around 9 years ago when it got to the point I was losing the ability to function properly.

Since then I have had therapy, support and at times it makes a difference. However, I still don’t know what causes my mental illness and I feel weak and a failure I cannot control it. I know this is not rational but I can’t help it.

The last week has been pretty bad, I can feel that there is an episode for want of a better word coming. Medication will take at least 3 – 4 weeks to take effect. I can feel my mood getting really low, it’s like you know something really bad is coming up and you know it’s going to be awful but you cannot get out of it.

In the early hours of yesterday morning I ended up sitting on the sofa crying, trying desperately to not wake up anyone else. I didn’t want to go to bed, didn’t want to stay up, I was exhausted but could not sleep, and I know this isn’t even the worst of it – that’s still on the way. Eventually I did get bed for a few hours but then woke up again and could do nothing but cry. Just writing this I think you’re a grown man ffs, pull yourself together and get a f**king grip. It’s so hard.

I don’t know if it’s the time of year, stress, other factors. I am hoping at the moment that when we break work for Xmas I can get a rest and it might help improve. Maybe just writing this and getting it out will help. I don’t want to go to the GP at the moment as they are so over worked, there are people dying with Covid, and really ill people not being seen as so much focus is being put on it. I also don’t want to go back on pills. They also ask so many questions which I don’t want to discuss. It’s like continually having to admit it over and over that you don’t work like a normal person.

What’s so exhausting is putting on a mask for the outside world that everything is fine. People want you to do secret santa when actually all your energy is going into holding yourself together let alone having to worry about sorting out someone else’s present. Going for Xmas drinks when you’re on medication or your head’s not right and don’t want to drink because it totally messes you up. Then having to explain why you’re not drinking. Making up excuses or lying. Getting pressured from everyone to join in and being called a scrooge or miserable because all you want to do if shut yourself in a room and be left alone.

Some people would say tell people, they will understand. Thing is, I don’t want to be a victim, I don’t want people to treat me differently. I don’t want people at work thinking they have to talk to me differently or have to walk on eggshells because I might be having a bad day. Worst of all, I don’t want people constantly asking are you ok? How are you feeling as every time I have to say actually I’m feeling really crap I feel like I’m again admitting that I can’t deal with this shit. I just don’t want to talk about it a lot of the time.

I’m so sorry to have to write this here. I just don’t want people to think they are the only ones going through these things. If people don’t want a drink, leave it, don’t pressure them. If they don’t want to join in, leave it –no one knows what demons they are fighting.