Ernest
Stupid IDIOT
The EARLY bird always GET the worms and in my CASE the EARLY bird always GETS a large FULL English in the CLIFTONVILLE. I decided to TREAT myself to an EXTRA sausage this MORNING as my SAUCE said he HAD some MASSIVE news to pass on. UNFORTUNATELY as I was DEMOLISHING my BREAKFAST my sauce TEXTED me to say that he HAD been CAUGHT up in a big FLAP up at the CLUB. Apparantly Bozza has GIVEN the CLUB the names of all the WHINGERS on NSC and they ARE all having their SEASON Tickets REVOKED and given one to SELHURST Park instead to SEE if that makes them HAPPIER.
So the BAD news IS that I cannot GIVE anyone the INSIDE scoop for TOMORROW'S match AGAINST Sheffield WEDNESDAY neither WAS I able to ASK him about the WHEREABOUTS of the INVISIBLE man SALTER who hasn't BEEN seen SINCE he was SINGED. EVEN worse the rumours I'VE heard about VINCENTELOT cannot be VERIFIED either and to be honest I felt a bit DEPRESSED about letting all the THOUSANDS of my followers on here and TWITTER down.
LUCKILY my friend TERRY turned up at that MOMENT, he is a GREAT laugh Terry and just what I needed to cheer me UP. HE reminded me of the TIME we were going to CLUB 18/30 in Lloret de MAR and in the QUEUE at GATWICK he got my PASSPORT and ripped my PHOTO out of it and put one of DICK Tight there and CHANGED my name in it to POTLESS pillock. It MEANT I couldn't GO on holiday as they WOULDN'T accept my passport and I got FINED for defacing it but it was STILL a great LAUGH.
ANYWAY I was laughing so MUCH I needed a WEEWEE so off I went to the LAVATORY and when I came back and SAT down TERRY and his mate CLIVE were in fits of LAUGHTER. I asked what was FUNNY but they SAID nothing so I said I WAS off but AS I got up to GO I realised what they HAD done. THEY had put SUPER glue to my CHAIR and now I was STUCK fast to it. So I had to walk out of the CLIFTONVILLE with the chair stuck to my BACKSIDE but it was handy as I didn't have to STAND on the No.6 HOME.
What I need to know is THAT will I be ALLOWED into the AMEX tomorrow with a CHAIR stuck to my ARSE or will PAUL Barber be CHARGING me corkage like they DO in RESTAURANTS when you take your own BOTTLE ? At least I will be ABLE to sit DOWN when I am HAVING my pint of FOSTERS before the match BUT I don't WANT to be CHARGED a tenner for the PRIVILEGE so I hope someone CAN clue me up WHETHER I will be ok with a SEAT stuck to my ARSE or NOT ?
So the BAD news IS that I cannot GIVE anyone the INSIDE scoop for TOMORROW'S match AGAINST Sheffield WEDNESDAY neither WAS I able to ASK him about the WHEREABOUTS of the INVISIBLE man SALTER who hasn't BEEN seen SINCE he was SINGED. EVEN worse the rumours I'VE heard about VINCENTELOT cannot be VERIFIED either and to be honest I felt a bit DEPRESSED about letting all the THOUSANDS of my followers on here and TWITTER down.
LUCKILY my friend TERRY turned up at that MOMENT, he is a GREAT laugh Terry and just what I needed to cheer me UP. HE reminded me of the TIME we were going to CLUB 18/30 in Lloret de MAR and in the QUEUE at GATWICK he got my PASSPORT and ripped my PHOTO out of it and put one of DICK Tight there and CHANGED my name in it to POTLESS pillock. It MEANT I couldn't GO on holiday as they WOULDN'T accept my passport and I got FINED for defacing it but it was STILL a great LAUGH.
ANYWAY I was laughing so MUCH I needed a WEEWEE so off I went to the LAVATORY and when I came back and SAT down TERRY and his mate CLIVE were in fits of LAUGHTER. I asked what was FUNNY but they SAID nothing so I said I WAS off but AS I got up to GO I realised what they HAD done. THEY had put SUPER glue to my CHAIR and now I was STUCK fast to it. So I had to walk out of the CLIFTONVILLE with the chair stuck to my BACKSIDE but it was handy as I didn't have to STAND on the No.6 HOME.
What I need to know is THAT will I be ALLOWED into the AMEX tomorrow with a CHAIR stuck to my ARSE or will PAUL Barber be CHARGING me corkage like they DO in RESTAURANTS when you take your own BOTTLE ? At least I will be ABLE to sit DOWN when I am HAVING my pint of FOSTERS before the match BUT I don't WANT to be CHARGED a tenner for the PRIVILEGE so I hope someone CAN clue me up WHETHER I will be ok with a SEAT stuck to my ARSE or NOT ?
