Brighton Naturist Beach Etiquette-Advice Wanted

[Bakero]

My friend Big Ron came round last night in a bit of a pickle, his wife has suggested that due to the good weather they should try out the nudist beach. Now Big Ron is a happy go lucky chap and quite open minded but the thought of doing this so close to home is filling him with dread.

"I dont know the first thing about nudist beaches either" he said

"Go on NSC" says i " bound to be something helpful,"

So what is the etiquette for said beach?

For example what do you do when you inevitably bump into someone from the 1901,is there a secret handshake?
Is frequent bending over to tie up your espadrilles frowned upon?
Is it permissible to walk around with a bobble hat strategically placed over your junk?

And more importantly how do you get the wife back in the good books after you have said" well yes i might consider it if you can persuade your sister to come along too"

Bending down to tie up your espadrilles would be very strange.

 

[nwgull]

Went on holiday to fuertaventura last year, where there was a woman who would proudly walk the length of the beach and back every day in her birthday suit. I'd guess she was mid 30s and she had a decent body and tidy bush - good enough for me to look forward to her daily stroll everyday anyway.

The missis and I came up with the imaginative name of 'naked woman' for her.

 

[Nibble]

Saw some fitties abroad. Went to a nudist beach in Cornwall. The only naked woman there had such a blundering bush she may as well have been wearing pants. Her husband was nude except for, shoes, socks, baseball cap, rucksack and fanny pack. To be honest he wasn't much more than a man who had just pulled his trousers down

 

[Surf's Up]

If "Big" Ron merits his name he's likely to be an extremely popular addition to the "scene" on the beach

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

I walked past there one January and there was a bloke wearing shoes and an unbuttoned shirt only standing on the top of the shingle privacy bank staring at everyone.

Do that.

Sounds like Jim Slip.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

The best advice I was given by a regular naturalist, was if you are laid out on the beach and you spot someone you know coming towads you, rapidly throw your towel over your head.

Is there ANYTHING Sir David Attenborough doesn't know?

 

[Cheshire Cat]