Big Sams twitter comments....marvellous....

[leigull]

TheBig_Sam
Swear to f***, If any of these looters try to come around my manor and steal my priceless collection of Pogs, I'll slice their faces off.

TheBig_Sam
Rode around Canary Wharf this evening atop my hound, Fergie. Just patrolling the area and making sure no shit was going down.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
TheBig_Sam
The missus is watching Michael McIntyre on the telly and laughing. Actually laughing at this ****. Like a f***ing drain.

TheBig_Sam
She's laughing so hard she didn't hear the kettle boil. She'll feel it though. When it's being poured over her f***ing head.

 

[Doc Lynam]

This is the best twitter account around, got to love big Sam.

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
You can blame me for the moonlit sky all you want, love. As long as you do that thing to my balls with your armpit again. Sensational.

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

Maicon The Mechanics....

 

[Doc Lynam]

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Sometimes I wish I could get on a spaceship and fly off to a faraway planet and hang out with aliens and experience something incredible.

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
But instead I have to watch 11 ***** get done by a man that's actually called Jos Hooiveld. Useless set of bastards.

Before and after our game this season with West Ham:

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
In the dressing room. John Carew has just put his long, slender hand in the air. "Is it true that this Brighton place is full of the gays?"

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
"It is true, son" replied a scheming Big Sam. "And if you don't score tonight, son, they're all gonna bum you into retirement."
24 Oct

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Hat-trick guaranteed.
24 Oct

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Job done. Big Sam has once again straddled the magnificent steed of tactical bravery and rode it majestically into the sunset of victory.
24 Oct

 

[s5.bha]

Haven't laughed this much in ages ........


Sent from my bed in my garden shed !

 

[brakespear]

TheBig_Sam
One of the 'Mortal Kombat' films is on TV. I'm the f***ing master of that game. Once beat Emma Forbes 27 times in a row. She had no answer.

TheBig_Sam
She got all stroppy about her humiliation, so Big Sam switched off the SNES, laid her down by the fire and made love to her until she cried.

TheBig_Sam
I should point out - her tears were a result of the tenderness and sheer magnificence of my intercourse. Not terror. Full consent was given.

TheBig_Sam
Before she reached climax, I hilariously roared "finished her!" Then once I'd done the same, I stood up and declared: "Big Sam.. wins!"

Marvellous stuff

 

[Doc Lynam]

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Just saw a dead fox by the side of the road. Can't help but feel it was a rather foreboding sign of things to come for Leicester tomorrow.
28 Oct

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
I stopped in a lay-by, lifted the corpse of the beast high above my head and screamed with an almost paranormal intensity.
28 Oct

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
"I am Big Sam," I roared. "And this is what awaits you, you sly *****."
28 Oct

 

[leigull]

I could go on all afternoon copying and pasting these! Love it

 

[jameswestport]

LOL!!!!! cluckin genius stuff

 

[Doc Lynam]

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Didn't take FA Cup exit well. Got f***ed on shrooms & stood outside Nigella Lawson's house with a boombox, like Cusack in 'Say Anything'.
9 Jan

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
The only tape I had on me was 'In Utero' by Nirvana. Not confident 'Rape Me' was the right song to serenade a woman of that calibre.
9 Jan

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Then I pulled my junk out of my trunks and roared: "Could you fry these up with a dollop of garlic butter, Nigella?". I'm not proud.
9 Jan
»

 

[Grassman]

I haven't been on twitter before - tomorrow I join. I will follow Big Sam first. F*cking ball achingly funny!

 

[Doc Lynam]

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
It's Big Sam's birthday today. The missus got me a £50 voucher for Firebox and a copy of the new M83 album. Reasonably satisfied.
19 Oct

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Mother, as usual, tried to sour things. She posted me a condom with a note attached that read: "I wish we'd used one of these 57 years ago."
19 Oct

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
There's only one way to end a birthday - full penetrative intercourse with the missus and a big box of After Eights.
19 Oct

 

[Triggaaar]

That's the most I've laughed this year

 

[Gritt23]

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Didn't take FA Cup exit well. Got f***ed on shrooms & stood outside Nigella Lawson's house with a boombox, like Cusack in 'Say Anything'.
9 Jan

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
The only tape I had on me was 'In Utero' by Nirvana. Not confident 'Rape Me' was the right song to serenade a woman of that calibre.
9 Jan

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Then I pulled my junk out of my trunks and roared: "Could you fry these up with a dollop of garlic butter, Nigella?". I'm not proud.
9 Jan
»

Followed by:



TheBig_SamnotBigSam

In the cold light of day, I'm not sure it was even Lawson's house. Unless she's Chinese now. And a man. f*** me, he looked petrified.

9 Jan

 

[Gritt23]

TheBig_SamnotBigSam

Excited about working with young Ravel Morrison, but he comes with a list of "dead important" instructions. He's like a f***ing Gremlin.

Followed by:

TheBig_SamnotBigSam

The first three? Don't let him near fireworks; Don't let him drink rum; Don't let him carry a sword. f***ing hell.

 

[Paul Skinback]

Been following him for ages now. Defo a comedian and consistently the only poster on the Net who makes me laugh out loud.

 

[MattBackHome]

notBigSam
TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Julien Faubert turns up today wearing fingerless gloves. On transfer deadline day. Playing with fire, Jules. Playing with f***ing fire.

notBigSam
TheBig_Sam notBigSam
Although, I am being a tad hypocritical. Wanking in fingerless gloves is mind-bending.

TheBig_Sam notBigSam
The juxtaposition of the dull, fluffy sensation of the gloves and the tingling paradise of the bare fingertips is smashing, quite frankly.


Best thing on twitter, by far.

 

[Manx Shearwater]

Been following him for ages now. Defo a comedian and consistently the only poster on the Net who makes me laugh out loud.

He's not a comedian.

 

[Triggaaar]

He's not a comedian.

Do you know him? Seems like a comedian to me.

 

[El Presidente]

Utter genius.