Bell Cheeses at work

[Guinness Boy]

I'm just wondering, given the number of Bell Cheese FATTIES if we need to recruit a handy person or two. Part of the service could then be redesigning every door to a maximum width of, say, a normal person. The door could also automatically trip a switch that sets off one of those high pitched whistles that only DOGS can hear.

Happy to head this up. Ping me if you've got an issue.

 

[Badger]

I'm just wondering, given the number of Bell Cheese FATTIES if we need to recruit a handy person or two. Part of the service could then be redesigning every door to a maximum width of, say, a normal person. The door could also automatically trip a switch that sets off one of those high pitched whistles that only DOGS can hear.

Happy to head this up. Ping me if you've got an issue.

That would cause MAYHEM in my office.

 

[dazzer6666]

We could also offer bell cheese mitigation measures, such as specially designed cages, mufflers and gags. The deluxe package would include a bell cheese trapdoor.

We'll need a LOGO to put on all this kit of course because without BRANDING we're NOTHING.

Anyone spotted in the early stages of bellcheesery (ie not so bad that they are confirmed, but where they are on the slippery slope) could be made to wear a special tee shirt /blouse (or tie, or boiler suit depending on their workplace, or possibly some form of lanyard and tag) that singles them out and warns others so they are effectively on a bellcheese probationary period as a warning.

 

[dazzer6666]

I'm just wondering, given the number of Bell Cheese FATTIES if we need to recruit a handy person or two. Part of the service could then be redesigning every door to a maximum width of, say, a normal person. The door could also automatically trip a switch that sets off one of those high pitched whistles that only DOGS can hear.

Happy to head this up. Ping me if you've got an issue.

Brilliant. We could also put in place chairs that collapse if anyone with a BMI of over 30 sits on them ?

 

[JBenno]

At my office there is a weird new trend of people putting names on the food in the fridge.

Today I had a delicious tuna mayo sandwich named Kevin......

 

[BlockDpete]

I could nominate the "Well-Being" Manager, who is due to come along to do a "session" at out meeting to discuss the EOS results.

Every BC, needs W-B Manager.....

 

[dazzer6666]

I could nominate the "Well-Being" Manager, who is due to come along to do a "session" at out meeting to discuss the EOS results.

Every BC, needs W-B Manager.....

....and almost every W-B manager is a BC.......

 

[Theatre of Trees]

As in, "The Zeitgeist."

Did you ask her whether it was the Herderian sense of the genius or the Hegelian view of constant dialectical clash?

 

[Norman Potting]

..This thread is heading into the uncharted territory beyond Gold, beyond Platinum, beyond even some very valuable stuff that I have never even heard of.

Well done to all of you sufferers working in an office environment, you deal with the Bell Cheeses and chronicle their foibles, we mortals who WFH can only read read in awe and wonder, pausing occasionally to supress a hearty chortle so that other in the house don' t wonder what the F*** is up with us!

 

[Guinness Boy]

Brilliant. We could also put in place chairs that collapse if anyone with a BMI of over 30 sits on them ?

At the risk of thread crossover good job I've been running!

I do wonder though if you could incorporate some kind of crisp removal device.

 

[Badger]

At the risk of thread crossover good job I've been running!

I do wonder though if you could incorporate some kind of crisp removal device.

Perhaps all SNACKS should be placed at the end of a GRUELLING obstacle course. Obviously we'd need to have a shower installed too.

 

[Guinness Boy]

Perhaps all SNACKS should be placed at the end of a GRUELLING obstacle course. Obviously we'd need to have a shower installed too.

Winner.

 

[dazzer6666]

At my office there is a weird new trend of people putting names on the food in the fridge.

Today I had a delicious tuna mayo sandwich named Kevin......

Oh yes the 'fridge possessives' walk among us........labelled yoghurts, milk, dips, boxes of cereal and the like litter our small kitchen. Opens up the wider issue of labelling. For example, one of my colleagues has stuck a large note on the back of a chair which says 'please do not move this chair as the settings have been adjusted to suit me'...................yes, dopey, that's why they are 'adjustable', so you can change them. To suit you. Every chair in the office (a hot desking environment) is IDENTICAL. Then there are the people who love putting SIGNS all over the place......'this room is reserved for the legal department, please do not use'....but it's empty 90% of every day and we are short of meetings rooms you twats.

 

[Badger]

Oh yes the 'fridge possessives' walk among us........labelled yoghurts, milk, dips, boxes of cereal and the like litter our small kitchen. Opens up the wider issue of labelling. For example, one of my colleagues has stuck a large note on the back of a chair which says 'please do not move this chair as the settings have been adjusted to suit me'...................yes, dopey, that's why they are 'adjustable', so you can change them. To suit you. Every chair in the office (a hot desking environment) is IDENTICAL. Then there are the people who love putting SIGNS all over the place......'this room is reserved for the legal department, please do not use'....but it's empty 90% of every day and we are short of meetings rooms you twats.

To be fair, nearly every office has a selfish TWUNT who thinks EVERYTHING in the fridge is fair game and gleefully help themselves to little pieces of other people's lunches. However, putting a name label on something does make it INFINITELY more tempting to TUCK in.

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

Oh yes the 'fridge possessives' walk among us........labelled yoghurts, milk, dips, boxes of cereal and the like litter our small kitchen. Opens up the wider issue of labelling. For example, one of my colleagues has stuck a large note on the back of a chair which says 'please do not move this chair as the settings have been adjusted to suit me'...................yes, dopey, that's why they are 'adjustable', so you can change them. To suit you. Every chair in the office (a hot desking environment) is IDENTICAL. Then there are the people who love putting SIGNS all over the place......'this room is reserved for the legal department, please do not use'....but it's empty 90% of every day and we are short of meetings rooms you twats.

Ah, but have their chairs been adjusted to their exact needs by trained assessors?

I kid you not, nary a day went by when I was in a call centre where some whiny numpty wasn't having their seat set for them by someone with the correct 'training'. This would normally entail at least half an hour of discussing their 'issues' (mild retardation and a tendency to be disliked by everyone being the unspoken ones) followed by the pathetic sight of a fully grown adult sitting in a chair whilst someone messes around with it for them, repeating 'How is it now?' every 30 sodding seconds.

Once the whole ordeal was finally over they'd get a laminated sign that they could put on the back to ensure that everyone knew it was a special chair and should be left alone. This was inevitably followed by daily dramas as the chair/sign would go walkabout, causing a frantic scrabble and, honestly, tears.

Bear in mind that all these seats were the same model, which could be adjusted to suit your own comfort through all manner of levers, pumps and valves. Why they couldn't just do it themselves is beyond me.

 

[thbjenkins]

This is without a doubt. My favourite thread (on possibly the whole of the Internet).

Half my office building have been described and I'm glad I'm not the only one who is constantly irritated by the stupidity and BellCheesy-ness of others.

Good job everyone!

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

To be fair, nearly every office has a selfish TWUNT who thinks EVERYTHING in the fridge is fair game and gleefully help themselves to little pieces of other people's lunches. However, putting a name label on something does make it INFINITELY more tempting to TUCK in.

Forget name labels it's when you get to the passive-aggressive messages and tear jerking stories of starvation that temptation really kicks in.

 

[dazzer6666]

Forget name labels it's when you get to the passive-aggressive messages and tear jerking stories of starvation that temptation really kicks in.

This, but there is probably a thread somewhere of people who are fed up with THEIR milk being used in other people's tea every day

 

[dazzer6666]

Ah, but have their chairs been adjusted to their exact needs by trained assessors?

I kid you not, nary a day went by when I was in a call centre where some whiny numpty wasn't having their seat set for them by someone with the correct 'training'. This would normally entail at least half an hour of discussing their 'issues' (mild retardation and a tendency to be disliked by everyone being the unspoken ones) followed by the pathetic sight of a fully grown adult sitting in a chair whilst someone messes around with it for them, repeating 'How is it now?' every 30 sodding seconds.

Once the whole ordeal was finally over they'd get a laminated sign that they could put on the back to ensure that everyone knew it was a special chair and should be left alone. This was inevitably followed by daily dramas as the chair/sign would go walkabout, causing a frantic scrabble and, honestly, tears.

Bear in mind that all these seats were the same model, which could be adjusted to suit your own comfort through all manner of levers, pumps and valves. Why they couldn't just do it themselves is beyond me.

Precisely. We do have one 'special chair' for someone who has a particularly horrendous terminal illness (ah sorry, I mean a slightly bad back caused by being FAT and LAZY) but all the others are 100% the same. It's quite fun to adjust those with the 'don't adjust' signs on them but not sit in them and watch the reaction.

'Has anyone sat in my chair ?'
'Probably, you have been swinging the lead for three days off 'sick' and we're short of space'
'But it's been adjusted. there is a clear sign on it saying 'do not adjust'. It's not supposed to be adjusted'
'Can't you just re-adjust it to suit you ?'
'But it was just right before'
'It's adjustable, you can make it 'just right' again - see those levers ?'
'But it won't be the same'
etc.........

 

[Badger]

This, but there is probably a thread somewhere of people who are fed up with THEIR milk being used in other people's tea every day

The guy next me bought some milk a couple of weeks ago and put it in a carrier bag with a few other groceries at the back of the fridge, a small Tesco bottle completely different to the big bottles of communal milk from the local shop. Within TEN minutes half of it was gone