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Westdene Seagull

aka Cap'n Carl Firecrotch
NSC Patron
Oct 27, 2003
21,863
The arse end of Hangleton
Earthquake in Essex


A major earthquake measuring 5.8 on the Richter scale hit in the early
hours of Wednesday 18th June 2003.

Epicentre: Basildon, Essex. Victims were seen wandering around
aimlessly muttering "fackin ell" and "whatta cant" The earthquake
decimated the
area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless
collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costa's were
damaged beyond repair.

Three areas of historic burnt out cars were disturbed. Many locals
were woken well before their giro arrived. Essex FM News (State Radio
Station) reported that hundreds of residents were confused and
bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something
interesting had happened in Basildon.

One resident ! ! - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said " It
was such a shock, my little Chardonnay Mercedes came running into my
bedroom crying. My youngest two: Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept
through it all.

I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."

Apparently though, looting, muggings and car crime did carry on as
normal.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken locals.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found
large quantities of personal belongings, which include benefit books,
jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing, parcels for those
unfortunate to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
after, items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps,

Kappa trac! ! ksuit tops (his and hers),

Shell suits (female)

White sport socks

Rockport boots and any other items usually sold in Primark.

Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuffs include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice
cream and cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms, £2.00 buys
chips,crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9, £5.00 will pay for a
packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing is
unfair on the population or neighbouring areas of Vange, Pitsea and
Laindon.
 




Gully

Monkey in a seagull suit.
Apr 24, 2004
16,812
Way out west
Bloody hilarious, thank you very much...
 










Beach Hut

Brighton Bhuna Boy
Jul 5, 2003
72,658
Living In a Box
Anyone know where I can get GOSBTS nokia ringtones ?
 


dougdeep

New member
May 9, 2004
37,732
SUNNY SEAFORD
Ah, Essex, the ugliest county of them all.:nono:
 




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