I came home tonight to a scene of complete distress. The kids were in bed, the vallium was open and the gin bottle was all but smashed in. "Oh no" I thought, "another relapse".
"What happened?" I asked.
"I was driving through Steyning minding my own business when this white van came out of nowhere. It must have been doing at least 40 and the driver was reading The Sun rather than watching the road. I tried to pull over as best I could but he got out and used terrible words at me - in front of the dentist and all" replied my wife
"What did he look like?" I asked.
"He was a smelly looking c*** with a torch and a beard. Though I got the impression it was a disguise."
Luckily the men in white coats have just carted her off and I can now enjoy NSC in peace again.
