GNF on Tour
Registered Twunt
KICK ALPAY OUT AND MORE SUN CAMPAIGNS
By Janine Toad and Dave Christ
The Sun today launches its campaign to send "bullying bruiser Alpay Ozalan home." Nice. Here's some other possible noble cause celebres for Britain's biggest newspaper…
1) It's A Wonder-Ful World
Unbelievably, two of the Seven Wonders of the World are in Turkey! The Sun says: Don't let those cheating Turks have 'em. Let's replace them with a statue of Oscar lovely Halle Berry's rear – and see how the Turks like the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus when it's turned into the Mausoleum of Halle-can-arse-us! Also, the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus should be knocked down… for a giant sculpture of Jordan's tits. What a Wonder-ful pair she's got!
2) Save Our Sweet Shops
All sweet shops to ban the sale of Turkish Delight and the vile confectionary to be replaced by Everton Mints in honour of Brave Wayne chinning that swarthy cheat.
3) Sick Santa Kiddie Threat
It's every parent's worst nightmare: Father Christmas – the apparently kindly old gent regularly alone in the bedrooms of kiddies as young as four – is in fact a Turk! Father Christmas was based on the legend of St Nicholas, who was a Bishop in Turkey around AD 300. Chillingly, he was the Bishop of Myra – the first name of Moors Murderer Hindley. Although there is no concrete proof –as yet – that Father Christmas is a sex beast, every parent must be vigilant to this threat.
4) Stuff You!
Christmas dinner – previously an innocent, honest dish of roast turkey has been tainted forever by the despicable actions of Alpay and his hairy mates. From now on, Christmas dinner will be good old-fashioned British beef – and let's leave the roasting to our brave Premiership heroes. (See page nine for 'My Five Times A Night Ace Is No Rapist, By 32HH Stunna Kelly Trough)
5) Belly Nice Idea!
Evil satanic ritual Turkish Belly Dancing should be outlawed and replaced by Five Bellies Dancing, a no-nonsense traditional dance involving drinking until you are sick, fighting and being thick.
By Janine Toad and Dave Christ
The Sun today launches its campaign to send "bullying bruiser Alpay Ozalan home." Nice. Here's some other possible noble cause celebres for Britain's biggest newspaper…
1) It's A Wonder-Ful World
Unbelievably, two of the Seven Wonders of the World are in Turkey! The Sun says: Don't let those cheating Turks have 'em. Let's replace them with a statue of Oscar lovely Halle Berry's rear – and see how the Turks like the Mausoleum of Halicarnassus when it's turned into the Mausoleum of Halle-can-arse-us! Also, the Temple of Artemis at Ephesus should be knocked down… for a giant sculpture of Jordan's tits. What a Wonder-ful pair she's got!
2) Save Our Sweet Shops
All sweet shops to ban the sale of Turkish Delight and the vile confectionary to be replaced by Everton Mints in honour of Brave Wayne chinning that swarthy cheat.
3) Sick Santa Kiddie Threat
It's every parent's worst nightmare: Father Christmas – the apparently kindly old gent regularly alone in the bedrooms of kiddies as young as four – is in fact a Turk! Father Christmas was based on the legend of St Nicholas, who was a Bishop in Turkey around AD 300. Chillingly, he was the Bishop of Myra – the first name of Moors Murderer Hindley. Although there is no concrete proof –as yet – that Father Christmas is a sex beast, every parent must be vigilant to this threat.
4) Stuff You!
Christmas dinner – previously an innocent, honest dish of roast turkey has been tainted forever by the despicable actions of Alpay and his hairy mates. From now on, Christmas dinner will be good old-fashioned British beef – and let's leave the roasting to our brave Premiership heroes. (See page nine for 'My Five Times A Night Ace Is No Rapist, By 32HH Stunna Kelly Trough)
5) Belly Nice Idea!
Evil satanic ritual Turkish Belly Dancing should be outlawed and replaced by Five Bellies Dancing, a no-nonsense traditional dance involving drinking until you are sick, fighting and being thick.
no this is ridculous!