A thread full of made up jokes

[Pavilionaire]

Elton John is much like the 2 bedroom flat I rent out,

He comes fully FURNISHed.

I wouldn't say Elton was an ornithologist but he's certainly studied a COCKATOO.

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

Apparently it's commonplace for the former lead singer of No Doubt to enjoy breaks in Italy by running around famous landmarks and jumping into fountains.

Gwen in Rome.

 

[Norman Potting]

Whats orange and sounds like a Parrot?


A Carrot.

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

I was walking around an art gallery the other day. It was great but SO noisy.

Every picture tells a story.

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

I went for a meal the other day with a group of friends.

One of my mates who is into all this sort of kinky stuff in his spare time absolutely RAVED about this restaurant we were going to.

We placed our orders but were waiting AGES for the starters to arrive.

"What do we have to do to get our food round here!?" I exclaimed to my mate.

Suddenly he whipped out his JOHNSON and started playing with himself. After he'd calmed down, the waiter placed infront of him a delightful looking starter.

"Hey, where's our food?" I shouted.

"I'm sorry sir" responded the waiter. "It's strictly first come first served"

 

[Wellesley]

My bed.

I know it isn't that funny, but unlike a lot of the jokes on here, I made it up myself.

 

[Wellesley]

It's £12 to enter sir .

Oh matron!

How much to enter Madam?

 

[banjo]

A prawn went to a disco the other day, pulled a mussel.

 

[symyjym]

Q: How many women does it take to wallpaper a front room?










A: One if you slice her very thinly.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

They've just opened a university for hippopotamus's wishing to study neurology. Most of the students will be based on the main hippocampus.

(copyright Cheeky Monkey 2016)

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

I used to fill up my water bed with Earl Grey tea, until someone pointed out that life wasn't a bed of rosie.

(Copyright Cheeky Monkey, 1996)

 

[LlcoolJ]

I poured my cat out some milk the other day.

God knows how it got in there.

 

[McTavish]

Sam Baldock is very superstitious and always carries a 10 cent piece that he found in a South Downs village.

Sam firmly believes that a Ditchling dime saves nine.

 

[Moshe Gariani]

There is a rumour going round that the current England cricket captain, a female Crimewatch presenter, a ginger bearded ex-Labour frontbencher, and a central defender developed by Brighton and now at Bournemouth were jointly responsible for the demise of a much loved TV personality.

Apparently, too many Cooks spoiled Frank Bough.

 

[AmexRuislip]

 

[lawros left foot]

That Young Brass Musician of the year award on the BBC
Big headed little buggers, all blowing their own trumpets

 

[BadFish]

Why are period dramas called period dramas?

Because they only appeal to those who have periods

 

[AmexRuislip]

I got an email saying, at Google earth we can read maps backwards.
I thought, that's just spam!

 

[Algernon]

I was talking to a female friend of mine who'd had a threesome with a couple of lesbians. I asked her what the sex was like and she told me it was pretty good on the whole.

 

[Hillian1]

My wife went to the Caribbean

Jamaica?

No, she went on her own accord.