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A Thread full of Joke du Jours
- Thread starter bob monkhouse
- Start date
Brady's Old Lady
New member
Cheesey Joke
A man goes to his bank manager.
Man: I'd like to borrow £200,000 to set up in the cheesmaking business.
Bank Manager: And where were you going to set up this business.
Man: A little place in Somerset called Cheddar. There's a nice gorge there and some caves. It's really lovely.
BM: But what are you going to market your cheese as.
Man: I thought Cheddar cheese.
BM: Don't be so stupid. There's already a cheddar cheese. It's one of the most famous cheeses in the world. Go away and have a re-think!!
2 Months later
Man: I'd like to borrow £200,000 to set up in the cheesmaking business.
BM: where this time.
Man: A little place in Wales called Caerphilly.
BM: For god's sake man! - there's already a cheese by that name. Don't bother me again until you've really thought this through!!!
1 Month Later
Man: I'd like to borrow £200,000 to set up in the cheesmaking business.
BM(Exasperated): Where now.
Man: Israel.
BM: Israel, now that could work. There isn't much of a cheese industry in Israel. What were you thinking of calling the company?
Man: Well..... I thought Cheeses of Nazareth.
A man goes to his bank manager.
Man: I'd like to borrow £200,000 to set up in the cheesmaking business.
Bank Manager: And where were you going to set up this business.
Man: A little place in Somerset called Cheddar. There's a nice gorge there and some caves. It's really lovely.
BM: But what are you going to market your cheese as.
Man: I thought Cheddar cheese.
BM: Don't be so stupid. There's already a cheddar cheese. It's one of the most famous cheeses in the world. Go away and have a re-think!!
2 Months later
Man: I'd like to borrow £200,000 to set up in the cheesmaking business.
BM: where this time.
Man: A little place in Wales called Caerphilly.
BM: For god's sake man! - there's already a cheese by that name. Don't bother me again until you've really thought this through!!!
1 Month Later
Man: I'd like to borrow £200,000 to set up in the cheesmaking business.
BM(Exasperated): Where now.
Man: Israel.
BM: Israel, now that could work. There isn't much of a cheese industry in Israel. What were you thinking of calling the company?
Man: Well..... I thought Cheeses of Nazareth.
Juan Albion
Chicken Sniffer 3rd Class
Blessed indeed are the cheesemakers...
The Large One
Who's Next?
Shite.
MRRF 10
New member
SeagullinKent
New member
Highfields Seagull
Well-known member
That is far and away the best joke of the day 
Pavilionaire
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 30,784
I can almost hear Alan Green saying:
"Awful. Dire. Referee, blow your whistle!!..."
"Awful. Dire. Referee, blow your whistle!!..."
Superphil
Dismember
Shut up big nose
The Great Cornholio
New member
Superphil said:
You're not so bad yourself, conk face.
Brady's Old Lady
New member
Friday Joke
Apparently Wolves have approached Rivaldo. David Jones said "We sort of got the answer we were exepecting, but you don't get anywhere if you don't ask!!"
Apparently Wolves have approached Rivaldo. David Jones said "We sort of got the answer we were exepecting, but you don't get anywhere if you don't ask!!"
CAFC Matt
New member
We'll try next
Tooting Gull
Well-known member
- Jul 5, 2003
- 11,033
Mildly non-PC joke
Paddy is on Who Wants To be A Millionaire, and is having a stormer. He sails through the early rounds, and makes it to £500,000 with no problems.
Chris Tarrant: "OK, Paddy, you're doing fantastically well - and here is your question for £1million. Which of these four was one of the Great Train Robbers. Was it a) Ronnie Smith. b) Ronnie Jones. c) Ronnie O'Sullivan, or d) Ronnie Biggs."
Paddy looks pained for a moment.
Paddy: "I'm going to have to take the money Chris."
Chris: "But you've still got all three lifelines, Paddy. You could ask the audience, phone a friend, or take the 50/50."
Paddy: "No Chris, if it's all the same I'll take the money."
Chris: "OK, if that's your final answer, give Paddy a big round of applause, he's won £500,000."
Tarrant then looks up, clearly perplexed.
Chris: "Well Paddy, you did have those three lifelines. Aren't you even curious as to which one was in fact the right answer?"
Paddy: "Oh, I knew the answer."
Chris: "So why didn't you say it and win a million?"
Paddy: "Listen, I might be Irish - but I'm no grass."
Paddy is on Who Wants To be A Millionaire, and is having a stormer. He sails through the early rounds, and makes it to £500,000 with no problems.
Chris Tarrant: "OK, Paddy, you're doing fantastically well - and here is your question for £1million. Which of these four was one of the Great Train Robbers. Was it a) Ronnie Smith. b) Ronnie Jones. c) Ronnie O'Sullivan, or d) Ronnie Biggs."
Paddy looks pained for a moment.
Paddy: "I'm going to have to take the money Chris."
Chris: "But you've still got all three lifelines, Paddy. You could ask the audience, phone a friend, or take the 50/50."
Paddy: "No Chris, if it's all the same I'll take the money."
Chris: "OK, if that's your final answer, give Paddy a big round of applause, he's won £500,000."
Tarrant then looks up, clearly perplexed.
Chris: "Well Paddy, you did have those three lifelines. Aren't you even curious as to which one was in fact the right answer?"
Paddy: "Oh, I knew the answer."
Chris: "So why didn't you say it and win a million?"
Paddy: "Listen, I might be Irish - but I'm no grass."
Knightsworld
Well-known member
very good