Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊
A Thread full of Joke du Jours
- Thread starter bob monkhouse
- Start date
Lammy
Registered Abuser
SK1NT
Well-known member
Northstander
Well-known member
- Oct 13, 2003
- 14,028
JOKE DE JOUR to lighten the mood!!
A man was walking down the street, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man, who asked him for a couple of pounds for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two pounds and asked,
"If I gave you this money, will you buy beer with it instead?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the homeless man said.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on football instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you BLOODY NUTS?" replied the homeless man. "I haven't watched football in 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you two pounds. I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I'm very dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied, "That's okay, mate! I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling and football."
A man was walking down the street, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man, who asked him for a couple of pounds for dinner. The man took out his wallet, extracted two pounds and asked,
"If I gave you this money, will you buy beer with it instead?"
"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the homeless man said.
"Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need everything I can get just to stay alive."
"Will you spend the money on football instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you BLOODY NUTS?" replied the homeless man. "I haven't watched football in 20 years!"
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you two pounds. I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I'm very dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad."
The man replied, "That's okay, mate! I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up beer, gambling and football."
Shegull
New member
Excellent
Braders
Abi Fletchers Gimpboy
Northstander
Well-known member
- Oct 13, 2003
- 14,028
The Best Ever Joke Jour
What in your opinion is the funniest joke de jour you have seen on NSC, mine would have to be Nelso Mandella one and the truck full of spare car parts.
Sorry can't remember how it goes word for word!!!
What in your opinion is the funniest joke de jour you have seen on NSC, mine would have to be Nelso Mandella one and the truck full of spare car parts.
Sorry can't remember how it goes word for word!!!
Brady's Old Lady
New member
Chas & Dave and Eminem releasing "knees up Motherf**ker"
watsongooal
New member
Managers Contracts
Brady's Old Lady said:
SK1NT
Well-known member
last nights performance!
Braders
Abi Fletchers Gimpboy
what about my monkey in the pub one ?