Beeneys gloves
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- Jul 7, 2003
- 1,467
Very old too!
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A Thread full of Joke du Jours
- Thread starter bob monkhouse
- Start date
On the Left Wing
KIT NAPIER
Oops sorry .. that was the old version:
Dyer Cort Given Bellamy Job
(not quite the same with a a Boro player ... but at least its topical!)
Dyer Cort Given Bellamy Job
(not quite the same with a a Boro player ... but at least its topical!)
Robbo
New member
thats very good to
Friday joke thread. You're gonna laugh you ass off bitches!
The Ferrari F1 Team fired their entire Pit-Crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the English Government's "Work For the Dole" Scheme, hiring unemployed youths from Liverpool.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent
documentary on how unemployed youths in Liverpool were able to remove a set of car wheels in less than 5 seconds. This is despite the lack of proper equipment, and compares favourably with Ferrari's existing crew, who can only do it in 6 seconds.
Unfortunately, Ferrari expectations have been easily exceeded.
During the Crew's first practice session, not only were the scousers able to change the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 seconds they had resprayed and rebadged the car, and sold it to the McLaren team for the price of four dozen cans of Stella and a gram of smack.
The Ferrari F1 Team fired their entire Pit-Crew yesterday. The announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the English Government's "Work For the Dole" Scheme, hiring unemployed youths from Liverpool.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent
documentary on how unemployed youths in Liverpool were able to remove a set of car wheels in less than 5 seconds. This is despite the lack of proper equipment, and compares favourably with Ferrari's existing crew, who can only do it in 6 seconds.
Unfortunately, Ferrari expectations have been easily exceeded.
During the Crew's first practice session, not only were the scousers able to change the tyres in under 6 seconds but within 12 seconds they had resprayed and rebadged the car, and sold it to the McLaren team for the price of four dozen cans of Stella and a gram of smack.
Last edited:
Braders
Abi Fletchers Gimpboy
Italiaseagull
New member
That is f***ing brilliant Chappers!
REDLAND
Active member
A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her
life, so she placed a personal ad that read:
RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE
FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:
1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was
ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail.
None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to
find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat.
Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your
dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no
legs, so I can't run away."
The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in
bed?"
To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
life, so she placed a personal ad that read:
RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE
FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:
1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was
ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail.
None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.
Then one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to
find a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat.
Perplexed, she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi," said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your
dreams. I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no
legs, so I can't run away."
The old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in
bed?"
To which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
SeagullinKent
New member
Joke of the day
Six newcastle players have been arrested for selling drugs:
Shearer Cort Dyer Given Bellamy Speed
TAXI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forget the coat!!!!
Six newcastle players have been arrested for selling drugs:
Shearer Cort Dyer Given Bellamy Speed
TAXI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forget the coat!!!!
Soton Seagull
Well-known member
Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!"
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"
The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."
Lord Bracknell
On fire
Joke de nuit
Two Irishmen were staggering home from the pub after an evening knocking back the Guinness. They were taking a short cut through a churchyard, tripping over the gravestones. Suddenly Murphy starts talking about the longevity of his ancestors.
"Look - there's Patrick Murphy aged 87, and Sean Murphy aged 89".
"Why, that's nothing" said his companion. "There's a stone outside where the fellow was 135".
"What was his name?" said the other man.
"Miles from Dublin", came the reply.
Two Irishmen were staggering home from the pub after an evening knocking back the Guinness. They were taking a short cut through a churchyard, tripping over the gravestones. Suddenly Murphy starts talking about the longevity of his ancestors.
"Look - there's Patrick Murphy aged 87, and Sean Murphy aged 89".
"Why, that's nothing" said his companion. "There's a stone outside where the fellow was 135".
"What was his name?" said the other man.
"Miles from Dublin", came the reply.
Icy Gull
Back on the rollercoaster
- Jul 5, 2003
- 72,015
O/t but topical egg chasing joke
Martin Johnson, Richard Hill and Johnny Wilkinson are standing before God at the gates of Heaven. God looks at them and says; "before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in."Addressing Johnson first he asks, "what do you believe?" Johnson looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe Rugby to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people from the grim North
to the bright lights of Twickenham. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to people who stood on the terraces supporting their club."
God looks up and offers Johnson the seat to his left. He then turns to Hill, "and you, Dicky, what do you believe?"
Hill stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits."
God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Hill the seat to his right. Finally, he turns to Wilkinson, "and you, Johnny, what do you believe?"
"I believe..." says Wilkinson "...you're sitting in my seat"
Martin Johnson, Richard Hill and Johnny Wilkinson are standing before God at the gates of Heaven. God looks at them and says; "before granting you a place at my side, I must first ask you what you believe in."Addressing Johnson first he asks, "what do you believe?" Johnson looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe Rugby to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people from the grim North
to the bright lights of Twickenham. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to people who stood on the terraces supporting their club."
God looks up and offers Johnson the seat to his left. He then turns to Hill, "and you, Dicky, what do you believe?"
Hill stands tall and proud, "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals to life and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits."
God, moved by the passion of the speech offers Hill the seat to his right. Finally, he turns to Wilkinson, "and you, Johnny, what do you believe?"
"I believe..." says Wilkinson "...you're sitting in my seat"
Lush
Mods' Pet
What? I blame him totally for teaching Beckham how to take penalties....
Time of a joke.......
A guy driving a Mini Cooper pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Mini rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, mate, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Mini!"
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes, I have a phone."
The driver of the Mini says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Mini!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Mini says, "That's great! You got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in
the back seat of my Mini!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Mini says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Mini!"
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car. The bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Mini, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Mini parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Mini. When there wasn't any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Mini looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower for THAT?!"
A guy driving a Mini Cooper pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce. The driver of the Mini rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, "Hey, mate, that's a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Mini!"
The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, "Yes, I have a phone."
The driver of the Mini says, "Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I've got a fridge in the back seat of my Mini!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, "Yes, I have a refrigerator."
The driver of the Mini says, "That's great! You got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in
the back seat of my Mini!"
The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, "Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!"
The driver of the Mini says, "Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Mini!"
Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car. The bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls-Royce.
So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Mini, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Mini parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Mini. When there wasn't any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.
"I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce," the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.
The driver of the Mini looked at him and said, "You got me out of the shower for THAT?!"
BrightonBird
New member
SeagullinKent
New member
I,ll call you a taxi 
Gary Nelson
New member
so wheres the joke then?
Italiaseagull
New member
Your right time of a joke does sound silly.