A Thread full of Joke du Jours

[perth seagull]

Why did Hitler kill himself?

He got the gas bill.

 

[Icy Gull]

A man finds a snail on his front doorstep, picks it up and drop kicks it down the road. A year later he hears a knock on the door and finds the snail back again. It looks up at him and says..
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.Why did you do that?

 

[teaboy]

name a bird that can't fly.


that one off Holby City

 

[Shizuoka Dolphin]

What do you call a six foot hen?

Sir!!





Sorry.

 

[bhaexpress]

Fowl joke indeed.

 

[Herne Hill Seagull]

Typical of the poultry quality of all of them I'm afraid.

Ba-doom, chhhh!

 

[Curious Orange]

How do you get two whales in a Mini?
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Straight down the M4 and across the Severn Bridge!!

 

[bhaexpress]

Why did the one handed man cross the road ? To get to the second hand shop.

Okay, if you lot want crappy old 'jokes' .......

 

[Mr Popkins]

Q.where do anorexics live?

A. Nuneaton

 

[bhaexpress]

How do you find out how heavy a whale is ?

Go to a Whale Way station.

 

[Icy Gull]

Why do black men wear baggy trousers?

Because they're negroes






To avoid racist flaming and for the slow witted (because their kneegrows)

 

[Mr Popkins]

Q.how do you make an Apple puff?
A. chase it round the garden.


Q. how do you make a swiss roll?
A. Push him down the hill.


Q. how do yuo make a viencian blind?
A. poke him in the eyes!




i'll get me ,parker ,duffle coat and kagool!...........

 

[bhaexpress]

I have a pretty good 'Rastus and Liza ' one but I can't tell it as by definition it's politically very incorrect.

It's about contraception ...........

 

[Soton Seagull]

Why does it take 5 women with PMT to change a lightbulb?











BECAUSE IT JUST DOES, ALRIGHT?

 

[pasty]

Man walks into a pub and asks for a pint and packet of helicopter flavour crisps. "We don't have any helicopter flavour" said the barman. "Alright then" he replied, "I'll just have plain"

 

[Mental Lental]

A horse goes into a bar,

barman asks "Why the long face?"

 

[pasty]

What's pink and wrinkled and hangs out Grandads pyjamas?

Grandma

 

[Curious Orange]

A duck goes into a library and checks out three books, much to the surprise of the libarian.

The next day the duck returns the books and checks out three more. The librarian is still surprised, but now more at how quickly the books were returned.

Sure enough, the next day the duck returns with the books, and checks out three more. The librarian is really curious now, what is this duck doing with all these books he wonders?

The next day the librarian is expecting the duck, and yes he turns up for three more books. The librarian can't contain his curiosity so he decides to follow the duck.

He follows the duck all the way across town, in to the park, and down to the edge of the pond. The duck is discussing the books with a frog, and the frog says:
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"Read it, read it, read it."





Coat!!

 

[Juan Albion]

What do you call a six foot hen?

Sir!!

As hens are female, wouldn't that get you a severe bout of henpecking? I should know...

 

[REDLAND]

A nutter keeps phoning me at work today singing "Stand and Deliver" and
"Prince Charming". I keep telling him he's got the wrong number but he's
adamant.