I randomly fall over after I've been to the pub. I've no idea why.
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[Misc] Random things that happen to you
- Thread starter Barrow Boy
- Start date
happypig
Staring at the rude boys
Walking back from the pub one night, by Buxtons in Ditchling Road, and two very inept muggers waved a bottle at me and said "get over the park you black *******" (I'm not black).
The one with the bottle tried to smash it on the railings and cut his hand as it shattered; I gave the other one a good punch to the lug-hole and, as he fell into his accomplice, I scarpered off up the Indian.
The one with the bottle tried to smash it on the railings and cut his hand as it shattered; I gave the other one a good punch to the lug-hole and, as he fell into his accomplice, I scarpered off up the Indian.
Ninja Elephant
Doctor Elephant
- Feb 16, 2009
- 18,855
I had to have a strong word with some of the boys in my Whatsapp group for Aftertiming over the weekend. Pretty classless "look at my winnings" messages - not a word to however many abject failures they'd also experienced over the course of the weekend. I'm all for bigging up a win, that's fine - but when you've heard nothing of their predictions until it's all come rattling in - there's only one word for it.
Random encounters with strangers happen quite often when you go out running early in the morning along Brighton seafront.
My favourite one ever happened as I was running at the top of Brighton seafront, fairly close to the Pier, in full hi viz running top and shorts, clutching water and sweating profusely at about 7am.
There was this bloke in the distance. He was quite scary. For a kick off he was large. Not fat but tall and ripped. Any intimidating effect that might have had, however, was cancelled out by the fact he couldn’t walk straight. As I got closer I saw his hair had been shaved in to a neat pattern and he had a fairly impressive goatee beard. And he was staggering straight towards me.
Now I was fairly sure I could outrun him, which was good as I certainly would have come off second best in any other physical encounter. However, he somehow looked more desperate than threatening. I was intrigued.
“Excuse me” he lisped. It was a voice entirely without correlation to his massive size. It was camper than Julian Clary and higher than him. “I don’t suppose you’ve got a light have you?” he continued, waving a roll up in the air.
Now I take a few things with me when I run. My keys. A tenner in case I have to stop for injury. My phone. And, on longer runs, some energy gels and a bottle of water. But I have to confess that I do not carry twenty B&H, nor the means to light them up.
Not ten yards from him were several other wasted clubbers, each of whom was assiduously smoking. Yet he picked the one person on the entire ****ing seafront who was guaranteed NOT to have a light.
“I’m sorry, I don’t” I just about managed to blurt out and, despite his size and condition, I gave a little laugh of disbelief. “Oh shit” he replied and staggered off, puncturing the air with his unlit rollup.
My favourite one ever happened as I was running at the top of Brighton seafront, fairly close to the Pier, in full hi viz running top and shorts, clutching water and sweating profusely at about 7am.
There was this bloke in the distance. He was quite scary. For a kick off he was large. Not fat but tall and ripped. Any intimidating effect that might have had, however, was cancelled out by the fact he couldn’t walk straight. As I got closer I saw his hair had been shaved in to a neat pattern and he had a fairly impressive goatee beard. And he was staggering straight towards me.
Now I was fairly sure I could outrun him, which was good as I certainly would have come off second best in any other physical encounter. However, he somehow looked more desperate than threatening. I was intrigued.
“Excuse me” he lisped. It was a voice entirely without correlation to his massive size. It was camper than Julian Clary and higher than him. “I don’t suppose you’ve got a light have you?” he continued, waving a roll up in the air.
Now I take a few things with me when I run. My keys. A tenner in case I have to stop for injury. My phone. And, on longer runs, some energy gels and a bottle of water. But I have to confess that I do not carry twenty B&H, nor the means to light them up.
Not ten yards from him were several other wasted clubbers, each of whom was assiduously smoking. Yet he picked the one person on the entire ****ing seafront who was guaranteed NOT to have a light.
“I’m sorry, I don’t” I just about managed to blurt out and, despite his size and condition, I gave a little laugh of disbelief. “Oh shit” he replied and staggered off, puncturing the air with his unlit rollup.
- Apr 19, 2018
- 1,877
Don't know if it counts as random but someone mentioned the Diner...
About 20 years ago a mate and I finished up in the Diner after a night in the Paradox or Orianas or some other god forsaken hell hole and found ourselves talking to a couple a good decade or more older than us. After a while it became clear they were having a dirty weekend, and even though it was very early hours of the morning were sober, which even despite our incredibly drunk state still struck us as odd. Odd enough my hammered mate flat out asked them if they were having an affair as they seemed so chatty but secretive too.
We got talking about Brighton and discovered that the bloke lived somewhere in Hanover, and she was just visiting for the weekend. Anyway, at that point we were either living at Whippingham Road or Milner Road, can't remember which as have lived on both, but whatever, they offered us a lift home.
In the car they then invited us in to their house for a drink and naive young men that we were we joined them. We were given drinks and then they disappeared...next thing I knew it was about an hour later and my mate was frantically shaking me awake, a look of panic on his face - the couple were by now half naked on the floor banging away and seeing us awake were motioning for us to join them.
Don't think I've ever left a room so quickly, the couple just laughing and saying "well that was a waste of time..." as we stumbled apologetically out.
The most shocking thing is, of all the places in Brighton to look for people to pick up for a foursome why on earth would anyone choose the Diner?
About 20 years ago a mate and I finished up in the Diner after a night in the Paradox or Orianas or some other god forsaken hell hole and found ourselves talking to a couple a good decade or more older than us. After a while it became clear they were having a dirty weekend, and even though it was very early hours of the morning were sober, which even despite our incredibly drunk state still struck us as odd. Odd enough my hammered mate flat out asked them if they were having an affair as they seemed so chatty but secretive too.
We got talking about Brighton and discovered that the bloke lived somewhere in Hanover, and she was just visiting for the weekend. Anyway, at that point we were either living at Whippingham Road or Milner Road, can't remember which as have lived on both, but whatever, they offered us a lift home.
In the car they then invited us in to their house for a drink and naive young men that we were we joined them. We were given drinks and then they disappeared...next thing I knew it was about an hour later and my mate was frantically shaking me awake, a look of panic on his face - the couple were by now half naked on the floor banging away and seeing us awake were motioning for us to join them.
Don't think I've ever left a room so quickly, the couple just laughing and saying "well that was a waste of time..." as we stumbled apologetically out.
The most shocking thing is, of all the places in Brighton to look for people to pick up for a foursome why on earth would anyone choose the Diner?
Lindfield by the Pond
Well-known member
Once saw a mate out jogging with a lit B&H between his lips. Always makes me smile when I remember it.
Maybe he thought you were puffing
Mackenzie
Old Brightonian
Yep that’s happened to me before.Life can be strange at times, last Saturday picking my wife up from sainsburys Lions Farm in Worthing when I had the following encounter. It was about 12:45 as I drove through the car park when I stopped to let a large transit type van pull out. Van then stops next to my car and the driver rolled his window down to talk to me, I thought maybe he's going to say thankyou for letting him out. This is how the conversation went,
Van driver in an almost comedy Irish accent "Top of the morning to you sir, would you be after boying a brand new diesel generator"
Me "Err, no not right at this moment"
Van driver "ok sir oill be saying goodbye to you then"
I'm sure it was all above board and legal.
but seriously WTF.
Whitechapel
Famous Last Words
I’ve got myself in to some ridiculous predicaments when drunk. Lowlights include:
Being followed back to my hotel by two homeless guys in Newcastle at about 2:30am who wanted me to buy them wine from my hotel in exchange for “Cocaine”
Sitting outside Buckingham Park at 4am after Wildlife with a girl from a travelling funfair who had just been punched by her boyfriend but refused to go to A&E unless someone went with her.
Being woken up by an incredibly brave woman who had spotted me asleep in her garden. I’d ended up in the back end of Hangleton, completely lost and she gave me a lift home at about 3am. A saint.
Going to a work Christmas party, having an massive blank spot in my memory and coming to my senses whilst sat in a living room, stroking a random dog with 4/5 lads; none of whom I knew and none of whom worked with me.
Ending up a complete strangers house with a friend. Being profusely sick and having the strangers mum rub my back for a painfully extended amount of time.
Falling asleep on the night bus, waking up as it got back to the depot and sleeping in the elevator at Hove station in the freezing cold.
Being followed back to my hotel by two homeless guys in Newcastle at about 2:30am who wanted me to buy them wine from my hotel in exchange for “Cocaine”
Sitting outside Buckingham Park at 4am after Wildlife with a girl from a travelling funfair who had just been punched by her boyfriend but refused to go to A&E unless someone went with her.
Being woken up by an incredibly brave woman who had spotted me asleep in her garden. I’d ended up in the back end of Hangleton, completely lost and she gave me a lift home at about 3am. A saint.
Going to a work Christmas party, having an massive blank spot in my memory and coming to my senses whilst sat in a living room, stroking a random dog with 4/5 lads; none of whom I knew and none of whom worked with me.
Ending up a complete strangers house with a friend. Being profusely sick and having the strangers mum rub my back for a painfully extended amount of time.
Falling asleep on the night bus, waking up as it got back to the depot and sleeping in the elevator at Hove station in the freezing cold.
I've seen people smoking pLaying football, and particularly keen smokers paying cricket, notably fielding, but never out jogging, that's really pleasantly amusing for some daft reason.
Far more so than the irony of pie munchers dressing up in Lycra and cycling to farm shops/cafes
I was walking home from Brighton post sister Rays (to Shoreham) late'88/early'89 and my mate 'found' a bike . . . .off he went, didn't see home for a week. . . .when I did he had a plaster on his arm. I got home about 4am safely. He didn't, ended up in a&he with a broken arm.
Said found cycle had a back pedal brake which caught him out.
Said found cycle had a back pedal brake which caught him out.
Though I posted the original story I did used to smoke when I was in my 20s - I gave up when my son was born and now have probably 10 or so a year spread over when I'm really smashed. Never when I'm running though
However, I used to play villiage cricket with [MENTION=1663]Scoffers[/MENTION] and [MENTION=29192]Brighton Lines[/MENTION] and could often be seen smoking whilst umpiring. We also had (still have, must be in his 70s ish now) a swing bowler, a white guy with a magnificent afro who used to bowl from one end and then spend the time in between overs at fine leg, puffing on a flying cloud and missing the ball
In other random story-ness I interviewed a guy for a job in my team two years ago who lived on the Herts / Essex border and seemed to have not much in common with me other than he liked football, horse racing and knew our industry and software.
He got the job and is very often my wingman on trips to Edinburgh where our client is. He turned out to be a very decent lad who likes a beer and supports proper football (Ipswich) and also runs, so our routine is to go out for a hill run and then hit the bar after work. Naturally you need things to talk about and in the course of those nights out I have discovered he:
1) has a daughter whose birthday is exactly the same day as my son. Not only same day of the same month but the same age
2) knows Brighton author Spencer Vignes who has written a number of books about the Albion including Bloody Southerners and A Few Good Men
and most of all
3) manages a girl's football team. His coach? Gary Hart. Yes, THAT Gary Hart.
He got the job and is very often my wingman on trips to Edinburgh where our client is. He turned out to be a very decent lad who likes a beer and supports proper football (Ipswich) and also runs, so our routine is to go out for a hill run and then hit the bar after work. Naturally you need things to talk about and in the course of those nights out I have discovered he:
1) has a daughter whose birthday is exactly the same day as my son. Not only same day of the same month but the same age
2) knows Brighton author Spencer Vignes who has written a number of books about the Albion including Bloody Southerners and A Few Good Men
and most of all
3) manages a girl's football team. His coach? Gary Hart. Yes, THAT Gary Hart.
Waiting outside an exam hall in Crawley in the early 90’s, a black guy pulled up in a Mercedes and offered me a choice of genuine Rolex Oysters placed on his passenger seat.
Walking along Western Road, Hove a few weeks later, the very same car pulled up and the same bloke pulled up, offering my colleagues and I genuine Rolex Oysters.
He only wanted a few quid, but I declined. What a
I was, twice. I could’ve bought the lot, then resold them for £10,000’s each.
Walking along Western Road, Hove a few weeks later, the very same car pulled up and the same bloke pulled up, offering my colleagues and I genuine Rolex Oysters.
He only wanted a few quid, but I declined. What a
I was, twice. I could’ve bought the lot, then resold them for £10,000’s each.
AmexRuislip
Trainee Spy 🕵️♂️
A week after we moved to Ruislip, we were walking back from the high street, when a man in a van stopped by us and asked if we wanted to buy a mattress.
FFS........
FFS........
The watches at motorway service stations was offered to me late 90's and early naughties, never knew if they were fakes or stolen, fakes was always my guess.
Clive Walker
Stand Or Fall
I went to this party once and there was this bloke who couldn’t sweat........
The Barclays, North St Brighton ATM once churned out circa £50 for nothing. Sorry moral NSC’ers, I kept it, it proved very useful on a night out.
(Then had this occasional dream for years afterwards that it was churning out huge sums, which I frantically bagged).
(Then had this occasional dream for years afterwards that it was churning out huge sums, which I frantically bagged).
Raleigh Chopper
New member
Whilst working for BT I was strapped up the top of a pole in a very remote country lane without my mobile.
I looked down and 2 pikeys were putting my ladder on to their lorry and made off.
2 hours I was up there.
I looked down and 2 pikeys were putting my ladder on to their lorry and made off.
2 hours I was up there.
Moving half way up the country and only knowing one person. Scary. So much stuff to sort out. I'll be surprised if I don't have a heart attack with the stress of it all.