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You can stick a car upside down to a car park roof if you use enough blu-tac. I therefore conclude that this scenario is accurate. Not funny, but accurate.

Two words. Alan Shearer. WTF?

I was once at a comedy gig and the comedian asked the audience what their favourite sandwich filling was and a bloke shouted "YOUR WIFE AND YOUR DAUGHTER!" He was ejected a few more heckles later.

Oh sorry that's 2016 goal.

Mine is to stand up to my girlfriend.

Thanks Worthingite. Apologies not been on here nearly enough recently. Women can be high maintenance. Especially this time of year. I'm sure we all understand. Anyway, happy new year etc to all.

I was at the final day of the 2005 ashes when bowler Shaun Tait took some merciless stick on the boundary. Told in no uncertain terms how shite he was. He asked Ponting to let him field further in and Ponting laughed at him and told him basically to grow a pair and get back on the rope. Enjoyed...

I am a good listener. My girlfriend will tell you that. Not once have I ever had to say "what did you say darling?" I'm on it like vomit. I can even hear, sorry, listen to her in the bathroom. She must be a Sun Kil Moon fan, she walks to that bathroom with such a sense of grace.

My girlfriend's.

Greens for me still. Don't think they're the answer by themselves by any shot but hope they can form a coalition with snp and labour to make Milibands lot more representative of the under represented.

Me too. "Mon dieu, that hurts" is one of my favourites.

I showed the list to my girlfriend. She said she didn't hate any of them. I pointed out that not having an opinion was how dictatorships started and how lucky it was she didn't do anything important. Food for thought and lucky we've got a spare bathroom.

Cheers for this. Listening on soundcloud. Just my thing.

Cheers Bozza. Yes, that certainly makes more sense although I believe Lufthansa don't operate that policy either, so on their flights the pilot/copilot would be alone.

I was in a pub last week and a guy came in with a girl with the most beautiful legs I'd ever seen. As she got to the bar, she slipped on a puddle of beer and took a tumble, injuring her leg. Her boyfriend asked if there was a doctor in the house. I said yes. He asked if I could check her out. I...

I believe most suspected pilot suicide incidents have been motivated by personal issues rather than religious/terrorist ones. We'll have to wait and see here. On the issue of protecting from pilots taking control like this, I read most airlines require two pilots at one time in the cockpit, so...

I feel your pain

I feel your pain

Is it?

I went to a restaurant called The Birdcage. The menu was delivered to the table screwed up inside a birdcage. I muttered "why didn't you cut out the middle man and shove it up your arse". The heightof pretension.