The gummy saveloy job (funny pub story)

[TomandJerry]

Had to share this pub story:

The gummy saveloy...

Right so this 70 year old man recounts this story

One night he pulled a bird aged 57 and 8 months, 23 days and when they got home they started to get it on..

When it got to the blow job stage she was going so hard her dentures came off, sticking to the end of his 'saveloy'...

After prizing them off, they continued as the gummy saveloy job

Telling it on a forum doesn't do the story any justice. Much funnier in real lifr

PS: I was dying with laughter at the end of the story

 

[Bry Nylon]

Have you suffered a minor head injury?

 

[Titanic]

Which bit is funny?

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Have you suffered a minor head injury?

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Homer Simpson and the gummy Venus de Milo was funnier.

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

To be fair to the OP i have joke moments like this,that's why i don't bother,one had to be there i suppose.................fetch me my sedative!

 

[MattBackHome]

Have you suffered a minor head injury?

Now THAT is funny.

 

[Mellotron]

I don't understand what has just happened.

 

[Grombleton]

I guess you had to be there.

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

Why is there so much specification on years days weeks etc?

Ps i have re-read it 5 or 6 times now,imagined being in the pub,sober,bladdered,just passing,at the bar,on the fruit machine,early evening,late night....i have tried being with my mates withe the missus,even at a X mas party (hang on?) and could not find it funny......One for the xmas party then maybe,ratfaced.

 

[Wellesley]

....

 

[Wellesley]

Which bit is funny?

Saveloy!

 

[AmexRuislip]

Had to share this pub story:

The gummy saveloy...

Right so this 70 year old man recounts this story

One night he pulled a bird aged 57 and 8 months, 23 days and when they got home they started to get it on..

When it got to the blow job stage she was going so hard her dentures came off, sticking to the end of his 'saveloy'...

After prizing them off, they continued as the gummy saveloy job

Telling it on a forum doesn't do the story any justice. Much funnier in real lifr

PS: I was dying with laughter at the end of the story

Are you auditioning for John Bishops warm up act?

 

[Ernest]

Which bit is funny?

A bit like asking which of YOUR posts are INTERESTING

 

[Titanic]

A bit like asking which of YOUR posts are INTERESTING

You're very touchy tonight [MENTION=1416]Ernest[/MENTION]. Are you feeling OK?

 

[Surrey_Albion]

I hate these "jokey" posts that keep appearing on Twitter etc ending with "I was crying" or "we all couldnt stop laughing" it's like a false reinstatement that even though it's not funny you should think it is, I think it must be an American (unable to think for yourself) humour,a bit like those stupid pictures of someone pulling a face,or the like, followed by sentences like "when you're late for work and your bag (?) Won't get out of the bathroom, you be like" I mean FFS is this really something that passes as humour or are the British public just becoming more and more stupid!

 

[jon12345]

Had to share this pub story:

The gummy saveloy...

Right so this 70 year old man recounts this story

One night he pulled a bird aged 57 and 8 months, 23 days and when they got home they started to get it on..

When it got to the blow job stage she was going so hard her dentures came off, sticking to the end of his 'saveloy'...

After prizing them off, they continued as the gummy saveloy job

Telling it on a forum doesn't do the story any justice. Much funnier in real lifr

PS: I was dying with laughter at the end of the story

Can you ask your mate if my mum can have her teeth back.

 

[sydney]

an Italian colleague , some years ago was telling us a tale of when he was a younger man and had travelled to Rio for the carnival ,at the end of a long afternoon he was " addressing" a local lady of the night from behind on a balcony , watching the procession go by .....as the lady apparently approached climax she requested a reach round from our hero....he duly obliged only to cop a hand full of a fully erect broom stick ....we were all mortified on his behalf and a hushed silence fell over the group ...."what did you do" someone asked ......" i finish " he said with a shrug......i will never forget it , the mixture of reaction among the group ....horror from the young , admiration from the mature and total respect from most......quality moment.

 

[studio150]

Which bit is funny?

The sort of joke which if told on a TV show even the canned laughter would just be silent

 

[Easy 10]

This brings to mind an incident a couple of weeks ago. I was waiting at a train station in Minneapolis waiting for the light rail back to the hotel, and was chatting with the missus. A black guy, who looked a bit like Snoop Doggy Dog, was on the the other side of some railings behind us waiting for a bus. So he clocks my accent, comes over and is all like "oh hey man, where ya'all from", so I tell him. And we chat a bit, he's harmless enough. He then claims to be a stand up comic. And he launches into the longest, most tedious "joke" I have ever heard - but one he finds so HILARIOUS, he can barely get the words out, he's cracking himself up on every sentence.

It was something about a bird and a turtle in a pet shop, and they're friends but rivals, and they race each other (?) But unbeknown to the turtle, the bird is crapping on his back all the time, on his shell and weighing him down. So he's getting slower, but doesn't know why. That was the gist. Anyway, this monologue went on for WELL over 10 minutes, and how long can you try to laugh, and look sincere, in the face of such utter gubbins ? The missus never said a WORD, and just kept looking in completely the other direction.

To a truly merciful relief, our train turned up before the final act of this odd, rambling tale. I had to say "ok nice talking man, I've got to go" (for some reason I go semi-american when I'm in America). We parted on good terms, with a first-bump. Straaaange night (and the Twins lost, 3-2).