Bell Cheeses at work

[Iggle Piggle]

I'm not making this up.

A random bloke has sat opposite me today in a hot desk area. His ring tone for his mobile phone is the one which is constantly going in 24 (Der der, der derrrrrrrr) and just a minute ago he answered the phone 'Hello CTU' (add an N and re-arrange the letters mate)

We work in IT. He is fat old and bald. He is about as far removed from Jack Bauer as it can possible be.

Anyone else got any complete plums in thier vacinity?

 

[Brian Fantana]

We have someone new working on our floor today. I printed an NDA off and walked over to the printer to collect it. When I arrived, this new person was standing by the printer also waiting for a document. A document which was clearly mine printed off first, but instead of handing to me this IMBECILE announced that it wasn't theirs and promptly put it in the SHREDDER.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

The woman immediately opposite me HUMS 80's pop songs, badly, ALL the SODDING time.

 

[Nibble]

These stories are exactly why I'm so glad I don't work in an office. Not the actual phones or morons by the printer but the fact that I would be thinking about such things.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

These stories are exactly why I'm so glad I don't work in an office. Not the actual phones or morons by the printer but the fact that I would be thinking about such things.

In fairness Nibs, its usually quite good where I work. We have a conversational mixture around us that covers all topics ranging from smut to er downright filth.

Unfortunately Jack's turned up today annoying the lot of us and we are all on best behaviour because some Government minister has been wandering around. As a consequence, everyone has been pretending to work, whatever that is.

 

[Superphil]

I'm not making this up.

A random bloke has sat opposite me today in a hot desk area. His ring tone for his mobile phone is the one which is constantly going in 24 (Der der, der derrrrrrrr) and just a minute ago he answered the phone 'Hello CTU' (add an N and re-arrange the letters mate)

We work in IT. He is fat old and bald. He is about as far removed from Jack Bauer as it can possible be.

Anyone else got any complete plums in thier vacinity?

To be fair, Jack Bauer is old and going bald, 2 out of 3 ain't bad is it?

 

[Nibble]

In fairness Nibs, its usually quite good where I work. We have a conversational mixture around us that covers all topics ranging from smut to er downright filth.

Unfortunately Jack's turned up today annoying the lot of us and we are all on best behaviour because some Government minister has been wandering around. As a consequence, everyone has been pretending to work, whatever that is.

Ha! Perhaps you need to channel your avatar for the rest of the afternoon?!

 

[Badger]

Up until 2 weeks ago I had the most IRRITATING woman sitting next to me. There was no time when she was at her desk and not making a sound, she would either be humming, singing, eating junk food (she was a CHUBSTER), reading emails ALOUD as she typed them or having a very loud phone conversation. The majority of her phone calls were personal ones, usually when she was ordering something for her flat, I once heard her use the phrase "I'm after some cushion covers to complement my large, contemporary, interior space". Oh and she was completely incapable of pronouncing the letter 'T'.

We didn't speak for the last month after I had a go at her for describing one of her colleagues as a c**t, she even went on to say he was unprofessional. Pot, kettle!

It's hard to project just how much I disliked her.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Up until 2 weeks ago I had the most IRRITATING woman sitting next to me. There was no time when she was at her desk and not making a sound, she would either be humming, singing, eating junk food (she was a CHUBSTER),.

Reading up until this point, I was convinced we were talking about the same woman!

And she makes some disgusting noise sucking through her teeth. And she takes an hour to eat a sodding APPLE, taking one loud bite, then putting it down on her desk for ten minutes, before going back for another go, just when you've recovered from the first. And she has key-tones turned on, on her phone, so every time it sends a text it's like R2D2 is hidden under her bloody desk. Seriously, what is the point?

Fortunately, she only works 4 hours a day, of which, I'm at lunch for one.

I swear if she worked full time, I'd have to leave.

 

[Badger]

Reading up until this point, I was convinced we were talking about the same woman!

And she makes some disgusting noise sucking through her teeth. And she takes an hour to eat a sodding APPLE, taking one loud bite, then putting it down on her desk for ten minutes, before going back for another go, just when you've recovered from the first. And she has key-tones turned on, on her phone, so every time it sends a text it's like R2D2 is hidden under her bloody desk. Seriously, what is the point?

Fortunately, she only works 4 hours a day, of which, I'm at lunch for one.

I swear if she worked full time, I'd have to leave.

Yeah definitely not the same woman, I never saw her eat fruit. She once expressed her amazement that I eat an apple every day.

YES she had keytones on her phone too!

I was close to leaving until I found out she was getting made redundant, then another colleague and I started doing a countdown until her leaving date.

 

[Brian Fantana]

We have a similar woman on our floor. She consumes about a million packets of crisps a day, leaving most of the contents of each packet strewn around her feet, like gastronomic confetti.

Considering her job role involves being on the phone for most of the day, I always struggle to figure out how she has the free time available to consume so much food. But, as I leave to go each day I walk past her desk without fail there will be the sad remains of a multi-pack of prawn cocktail crisps.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

We have a similar woman on our floor. She consumes about a million packets of crisps a day, leaving most of the contents of each packet strewn around her feet, like gastronomic confetti.

Considering her job role involves being on the phone for most of the day, I always struggle to figure out how she has the free time available to consume so much food. But, as I leave to go each day I walk past her desk without fail there will be the sad remains of a multi-pack of prawn cocktail crisps.

Haha. As if the SOUND and SIGHT, of the eating of, and aftermath of multiple packs of crisps wasn't bad enough, she had to go for the most disgusting SMELLING crisp variety on earth, too!

Where the hell do these women come from?

 

[Iggle Piggle]

Ha! Perhaps you need to channel your avatar for the rest of the afternoon?!

I can't say I'm in a Business Mouse mood. It looks like pub garden weather to me - A pint of Peroni is what i'd like.

There is another guy at our work who works in sales and sits by us every now and again. He is the most insincere person I have ever come across. He spends all day every day hawking crap over the phone, each conversation going something like this

''He is that Dave, It's Gareth Cheeseman here, how's things?
''Not so good Gareth I'm afraid, my wife died in a car crash and I've been diagnosed with terminal cancer''
''Sorry to hear that Dave, Would you like to buy some servers, I've got a great rate especially for single cancer sufferers?

 

[KZNSeagull]

The woman immediately opposite me HUMS 80's pop songs, badly, ALL the SODDING time.

What happened to the young lady that smashed your Albion mug?

 

[hans kraay fan club]

What happened to the young lady that smashed your Albion mug?

She was great. Rosie. How I would LOVE to have Rosie back at that desk, instead of the middle-aged irritant that now does her job.

Rosie has a new life, with her bloke and little girl, in Antwerp, sadly (for me).

 

[Munkfish]

I am sat next to an absolute strumpet today. Down in our Essex office, annoying voice but cracking rack, makes a good cup of tea too.

 

[Brian Fantana]

Haha. As if the SOUND and SIGHT, of the eating of, and aftermath of multiple packs of crisps wasn't bad enough, she had to go for the most disgusting SMELLING crisp variety on earth, too!

Where the hell do these women come from?

It is mind-boggling. She NEVER deviates from prawn cocktail either. God knows what would happen if that flavour was discontinued.

 

[KZNSeagull]

She was great. Rosie. How I would LOVE to have Rosie back at that desk, instead of the middle-aged irritant that now does her job.

Rosie has a new life, with her bloke and little girl, in Antwerp, sadly (for me).

That's a great shame.

I knew it was time for me to move on from office life when I was plonked opposite a drunk. A proper one. Reasonably lucid until about 12, by 2:30, if he ever came back to his desk, he was properly gone. Either asleep or vomiting in his waste paper bin. Sad really and thankfully he did not last long, but it was very unpleasant.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

That's a great shame.

.

An enormous shame. She was a lovely girl, albeit clumsy - she actually broke TWO Albion mugs. She broke the first one, and despite apologising, and me saying it didn't matter, without saying anything, she went on the Albion site and bought a replacement.

Which she then broke. Bless her.

I knew it was time for me to move on from office life when I was plonked opposite a drunk. A proper one. Reasonably lucid until about 12, by 2:30, if he ever came back to his desk, he was properly gone. Either asleep or vomiting in his waste paper bin. Sad really and thankfully he did not last long, but it was very unpleasant.

That wouldn't be great. Even prawn cocktail crisps smell better than vomiting winos.

 

[Badger]

It is mind-boggling. She NEVER deviates from prawn cocktail either. God knows what would happen if that flavour was discontinued.

I imagine she'd move on to Scampi Fries.