Joke Time

[GoldWithFalmer]

Write what you like-something old something,borrowed,something new.

My girlfriend is leaving me cause she say's i'm too kinky in the bedroom.....i almost spat her piss out when she told me.

 

[Guy Fawkes]

St lukes Panto for the paranoid schizophrenics was thrown into a panic earlier this evening when someone in the audience shouted out "He's behind you"

 

[The Sock of Poskett]

My uncle was highly decorated in the second world war - he stood under a ladder when they were painting the blackout windows

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

Roses are red,violets are blue,i am schizophrenic and so am i.

 

[Guy Fawkes]

A bloke and his Thai bride are relaxing after a sex session. She's laying there stroking and carressing his cock, with a longing look on her face
"Whats the matter dear, do you want sex again?" he says.
"No" she replied, "I'm just admiring your cock cos i really miss mine"

 

[Muzzy]

My mother never had kids and she told me to do the same!

 

[nevergoagain]

Thought I saw Glenn Murray on a loaf of bread at Sainsburys earlier, looked again and realised I was wrong, it just said "Thick Cut".

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

I'm sick of double standards.My girlfriend buys a "rampant rabbit with attachments" and she's seen as a 'naughty fun fun girl with a special new toy'.

But

When i order a '240 volt deluxe fistmaster 5000 latex revolving pussy with realistic elasticated anus,imitation shit dribble,semen collection tray,and built in sadistic rape sound system'then that supposedly makes me some kind of pervert.

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

Thought I saw Glenn Murray on a loaf of bread at Sainsburys earlier, looked again and realised I was wrong, it just said "Thick Cut".

 

[METALMICKY]

Courtesy of Sean Lock on last nights Ch 4 gala:

How do you stop the embarrassment of dog humping your leg?...................Pick it up and suck its cock!

 

[dexter]

But

When i order a '240 volt deluxe fistmaster 5000 latex revolving pussy with realistic elasticated anus,imitation shit dribble,semen collection tray,and built in sadistic rape sound system'then that supposedly makes me some kind of pervert.[/QUOTE]

i am so glad someone else has one of those , is yours the delux or goldrange model?

 

[GoldWithFalmer]

But

When i order a '240 volt deluxe fistmaster 5000 latex revolving pussy with realistic elasticated anus,imitation shit dribble,semen collection tray,and built in sadistic rape sound system'then that supposedly makes me some kind of pervert.

i am so glad someone else has one of those , is yours the delux or goldrange model?[/QUOTE]

Platinum Diamond-

 

[Iamapen15]

I bought a bed today that's made entirely out of rice. The matress is OK but the Pilau's are really uncomfortable.

 

[dexter]

i am so glad someone else has one of those , is yours the delux or goldrange model?

Platinum Diamond-[/QUOTE]
blimey , is that the one with the stainless steel multi speed prostrate massager?

 

[chucky1973]

I was woken up last night by some noise outside, i looked out of my bedroom window and to my horror, i saw 4 palarse fans using a hedgehog as a football, i was shocked and about to call the RSPCA when the hedgehog went 1 up

 

[chucky1973]

i was in tesco today and asked a shop assitant if they sold stock, she said yes, fish, chicken, beef, lamb and Crystal Palarse, I said "Crystal Palarse" she yes they are the laughing stock....

boom boom

 

[Muhammad - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

i was chatting to a bird in a bar last night, i said 'you remind me of my little toe'
'is it because i'm small and cute' she asked.

'no' i repied, 'its because i'll probably end up banging you on the coffee table'

 

[West Upper Seagull]

I was woken up last night by some noise outside, i looked out of my bedroom window and to my horror, i saw 4 palarse fans using a hedgehog as a football, i was shocked and about to call the RSPCA when the hedgehog went 1 up

Quality !!!

 

[Iamapen15]

After dinner, the pope and his cardinals liked to pass around the under eights.

 

[dexter]

My gran caught me having a wank the other day.
She was so shocked she had a stroke.
Surprisingly soft hands for a pensioner