[Humour] I had to drop a load under a bridge today

[Swansman]

Had a similar experience only days ago.

I'm currently in Kungälv outside of Gothenburg for a month doing some work while living in a guest apartment belonging to the company I work for. Accidently locked myself out and had to climb a fairly high window but as I was preparing for it (I'm a bit afraid of heights and climbing so it was a bit demanding) I felt the stomach-chaos coming. Quickly had to run into one of the local parks, find myself a location where people wouldn't have to encounter the issue in the morning (though probably might smell a bit...) and do my business.

Never feels great to be in that posiiton... but also have to admit there is a certain magic about doing the free pleasures in life outdoors. If I lived in the middle of the forest I'd probably never get myself a toilet.

 

[Super Steve Earle]

Hmm. That sort of activity under a bridge. I smell a troll.

 

[Me and my Monkey]

Why do people always assume that every new poster who comes in all guns blazing is automatically a Palace fan? I think this is the second US-based one who's been accused of that. I know new posters are supposed to creep in respectfully, start with a few anodyne comments and let us regulars sniff them out like dogs in the park; but not everyone does that.

Palace trolls normally start threads saying basically "I'm a Brighton fan but why are we so shit?" This thread may be a bit de trop for a newbie, but he's also started one about 'Favorite BHA Pictures' - and he's posted a good one. That's not Palace fan behaviour.

EDIT: Actually he's posted two good ones. The second one's a brilliant photo of Brian Horton that I don't think I've seen before. (Probably have but I'd forgotten it)

I was once accused of being "Palarse" a few years ago after attending BHA v Arsenal under 23 game at the Amex and making the observation that there appeared to be more Arsenal than BHA supporters. Spot the irony in that accusation. Default stance for some when the party line isn't being slavishly followed.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

Need to get that checked out fella. Sounds like IBS

 

[Justice]

The last time I had to take an emergency outside dump at least I had a tub of big wipes in the van to take care of things, this amateur used socks.

 

[Bry Nylon]

Waiting for [MENTION=70]Easy 10[/MENTION] to reprise his sorry saga of being gripped by the need to do some urgent unpacking whilst jogging round a local park

I can't recall the exact details but I seem to recall some item or other of his clothing may have made the ultimate sacrifice

 

[SAC]

Hmm. That sort of activity under a bridge. I smell a troll.

Very good.

 

[Bombardier]

As the title says, had to drop one under a bridge in downtown Charlotte today...

Picked my niece up from cheerleading practice and on the way back from dropping her off at my brother's house, I started feeling a deep pain in my gut(Taco Bell soft taco's with extra beef was a terrible idea).I thought I could just make it to the next exit to get to a gas station but didn't pay attention,missed the exit, and got stuck in traffic and of course le and behold it was a wreck, in the afternoon... in Charlotte... so I knew it was going to take awhile. By this point I was sweating more than a nun in a cucumber patch

Only lucky thing if you want to call it that, is where traffic was stopped was right near a bridge with just enough space underneath where you couldn't be seen from the road. So even though I hated to leave my car, I turned it off(Traffic was literally not moving and some people were out standing by their cars) locked it up and darted under the bridge, hid myself the best I could and well yeah...and used my brand new pair of socks as a tp alternative. They were damn Under Armour ones also

Luckily no one saw me(Though I do hate it for the next person that walks under that underpass)I got back to my car and luckily traffic started creeping a little bit as the wreck was cleared.

Not very proud of myself and I have never done that in public before, but desparate times so and so. Just thought I would brighten up the NSC and just to say: No matter how bad you may feel, their's always someone somewhere with crap to get rid of.

I think he's calling us shit!

 

[Popeye]

There’s the GULLible and the cynical, B. Trust me, 100% Palace, no question. He’s even just set up his own ‘BHA’ Twitter account in which he says he’s a teacher and kids are the future while posting on here about shitting under a bridge with his niece or someone. As they say Stateside, You do the math.

Hello pal just a few things(And I am sure most everyone says I should just leave it alone but no)

First off, thanks for the welcome to NSC. As I put already, I just thought it was a humorous story. If no one else really does, well then that is what it is,don't much care. I see than whenever a new person comes onto here, automatically peoples defenses are raisedIMost on here not all) thinking they are a Palarse fan. You want my opinion on those pricks from London? I wouldn't piss on one if they were on fire and I would rather cover my schlong in honey and stick it into a fireants nest before being a fan of theirs. Do I need to write that on a piece of paper and take a picture of me holding it(The paper not the other thing)? Let me know and I will PM you or put it on here. Maybe just Americans in general gets your dander up?

Anyway, I digress. Take care friend.

Ryan

 

[Easy 10]

Waiting for [MENTION=70]Easy 10[/MENTION] to reprise his sorry saga of being gripped by the need to do some urgent unpacking whilst jogging round a local park

I can't recall the exact details but I seem to recall some item or other of his clothing may have made the ultimate sacrifice

Indeed. I was caught short with a Sloppy Joe's and had to do the dirty deed behind a large tree. The tree provided decent cover from the rest of the park, but unfortunately at that moment a train was pulling into Southwick Station. So any passengers taking a view of the park would have clocked me vigorously scrubbing my rusty sheriffs badge with my undercrackers. Naturally I left the soiled undergarments under the tree (a proper treat for the next dog coming by), and minced home commando.

 

[Albion my Albion]

Always bring loo paper in your car and a small gardening tool to bury the DNA evidence.

 

[Eeyore]

Indeed. I was caught short with a Sloppy Joe's and had to do the dirty deed behind a large tree. The tree provided decent cover from the rest of the park, but unfortunately at that moment a train was pulling into Southwick Station. So any passengers taking a view of the park would have clocked me vigorously scrubbing my rusty sheriffs badge with my undercrackers. Naturally I left the soiled undergarments under the tree (a proper treat for the next dog coming by), and minced home commando.

I don't know why I'm laughing but I am

 

[Albion my Albion]

The last time I had to take an emergency outside dump at least I had a tub of big wipes in the van to take care of things, this amateur used socks.

Actually I have PH Balanced Aloe Moisturizer Wipes in my car right now.

 

[Justice]

Actually I have PH Balanced Aloe Moisturizer Wipes in my car right now.

Probably kinder than a Big Wipe it left a bit of a nip.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

FAO Mods: Any chance please pretty please of changing OP's username to Plopeye? Just for shits and giggles, like

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

Am I missing something here but doesn't everyone carry wet wipes in their glove compartment? No just for dumping, but that ketchup that's dropped onto your shirt, hands that have got grubby, freshen up wipe?

 

[NooBHA]

There are times when I have seen or done something funny and been dying to tell someone or share it with. But not once was I ever tempted to make a football forum it's debut.

 

[Hugo Rune]

Apologies gents, I just thought it was a funny story to relay. No more Taco Bell for me lol

If you are into that sort of thing, I highly recommend heading north on route 95 and getting yourself into the luxurious world of Boston Pancakes. Once you’ve treated your partner to one, they’ll be asking for seconds forever more. It’s take practice to get a perfect circle but your partner can help and it really is rewarding when you add the syrup. Best of luck on your next adventure fella! [emoji1303]

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

Outside, but definitely not planned.

When in Thailand....

As a family we went for a meal, I was suffering with the heat and very dehydrated, our daughter was about 1 1/2 we it was a lovely walled complex, with a security guard, complete with machine gun and individual walled ground level apartments, small pool, outside shower and bath, absolutely beautiful, as very close to the beach and local traditional food places (not really restaurants)

Anyway this day we had been in and out of the sun all day, I wanted to go back to the apartment really, but the wife wanted to have a meal at one of these places, ok no worries, we eat as anyone knows the food is amazing and they also don't really have toilets.
I could feel my tummy making noises and felt a bit urggh...

Next thing some people come along from the next apartment and start chatting as we are finishing and I am thinking "feck off, I need a tom tit" but the wife engages and they start chatting and have a drink together, I order one and start at this time squirming. This is not going well and I am starting to sweat, I whisper to the wife I have a headache and need to get some tablets and will pop back.
Oh ok, she says while your going back take our daughter back and I will be back later.

Deal

I say my goodbyes, grab my daughters hand who is just starting to walk properly but not brilliant and gets tired, off we start wave my goodbyes to the couple, wife and staff, I wonder round the back of the establishment to take a short cut down a dirt road, a motorbike has just driven past and hit a kitten, one of the women from the food place is proceeding to pick the kitten up (still alive in pain) and puts it in a bag - smiles at me and daughter and whacks the bag against the wall several times....

Daughter is now crying stalled in the road, I am very near loosing the grip on my anal sphincters, I am sweating like Elvis in Vegas (at least he died on a toilet I was thinking). I pick her up, and do that butt clenched walk about 100m, I smile at the security guard with the machine gun, while mincing past him, carrying my daughter screaming "dead cat" "dead cat".

I can see our gate, I am close, so close, too close for comfort....

As I opened the gate, whooooshhhhh.....
(mainly water, with rice and cat i think)

Oh my feckin god !

look about, great no one saw me, no cctv, rush in put daughter down, rush around take off shorts clean up the mess as best I can, whizz over to the outside shower, jump under with my daughter and wash up, and breath.....

Once all clean and tidy, tablets for dehydration and diarrhoea taken, daughter clean and happy with some snacks, thought i had better check to see if I had cleaned the area good enough, off I trot with a bowl of water and my dirty shorts, So I am scrubbing away at the remnants and along comes the wife and people from the next apartment, what are you doing Mr Freakout with shitty stained shorts cleaning the path ?

Never have kids I replied, I was carrying her back as fast as I could and well she never made it, all over my shorts so I thought I might as well use them to clean it, they are old anyway......


I think they bought it

 

[Popeye]

If you are into that sort of thing, I highly recommend heading north on route 95 and getting yourself into the luxurious world of Boston Pancakes. Once you’ve treated your partner to one, they’ll be asking for seconds forever more. It’s take practice to get a perfect circle but your partner can help and it really is rewarding when you add the syrup. Best of luck on your next adventure fella! [emoji1303]

I had to look up what that is...and while I appreciate the suggestion pal, I don't think my girlfriend would and I like my face the way it is lol. Cheers though