Not Big Fat Sam on Twitter. More tremendous tweets

[Digweeds Trousers]

I know - it's been here before but some of the recent updates are absolutely fantastic. Love this.

12h notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
Is Jonathan Pearce's wife in Warsaw tonight? If so, she's getting "Ronaldo 7" scribbled on her back, and her arsehole is getting destroyed.

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 19 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
Which leads me to believe lady mutts must have a cheeky clitoris tucked away somewhere. Lovely cross from Gerrard for the goal tonight.

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 19 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
As the hound was dragging its filthy ringpiece across the grass, its eyes rolled skywards in what can only be described as orgasmic fervour.

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 19 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
As I was out roller-skating in the park yesterday, I came across a dog taking a shit. Upon further inspection I noticed it had a minge.

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 19 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
Great result in the game tonight. Proud to be an Englishman. Do girl dog's have clits? Been wondering about that all day.

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 15 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
I stood by the phone for a full 13 minutes in the dark, just imagining things. It was 1994. He had those blonde highlights. I'm only human.

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 15 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
"I'll sling my tadger up your missus, champ, while buggering you senseless with my big old conk," he said. I put the phone down immediately.

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 15 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
True story - Andy Townsend once asked me and the wife to have a threesome with him. A "daisy-chain fuckfest," he promised.

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 15 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
And what the f*** is Townsend wearing? Is he off pheasant-shooting afterwards? The big-nosed dork.

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 15 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
I'd then stride awesomely around the pitch, zapping dickheads in the crowd with my mystical blade. I'd start with those ***** in face-paint.

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 15 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
"Strike me!" I'd roar. "Strike me, oh gods of thunder, so that I may harness and use your electrical power for my own extraordinary ends."

Expand Collapse Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite 15 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
If I was there, I'd be standing slap bang in the centre circle, with my magnificent Viking sword, Trudy, pointed high to the heavens.

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FavoritedFavorite 15 Jun notBigSam ‏@TheBig_Sam
Shameful scenes in Donetsk. To mince off the pitch due to a bit of drizzle and some lightning is, frankly, disgusting. Big poofs.

 

[Simster]

Some are funny, but some of those are a bit crap, to be honest.

My fave was by John_KKK_Terry. A day after that Dutch training session was ruined by racist chanting, he tweeted "Went and watched the Dutch team train last night. Proper good banter"

 

[Iggle Piggle]

I loved last nights one about Ronaldo. I was heartily sick on Twitter with the 'Isn't Ronaldo marvellous' content which had me reaching for my sick bucket (Henry Winter, worst offender) as well as the BBC studio creaming themselves over the Potugese oilbag egomaniac.

Not Big sam and Graham Swann's tweets were an oasis of abuse in the midst of a mush of praise.

 

[W.C.]

Some are funny, but some of those are a bit crap, to be honest.

My fave was by John_KKK_Terry. A day after that Dutch training session was ruined by racist chanting, he tweeted "Went and watched the Dutch team train last night. Proper good banter"

not a JT fan but the jokes about him being a racist are often shite

That made me though