Deportivo Seagull
I should coco
Results from the Witty Riposte Awards 2009
6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the
front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's
but she couldn't find one big enough
for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped
for speeding.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that
read 'Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked
to the lorry's cab and said to the driver,
"Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and
ran out of petrol!"
SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of
tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not
being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or
a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the raised his hand
and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete
and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and
sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said:
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'
6th Place
It was mealtime during a flight on a British Airways plane:
'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked the man seated in the
front row.
'What are my choices?' the man asked.
'Yes or no,' she replied.
5th Place
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his
trench coat and flashed her.
Without blinking an eyelid she said,
'Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.'
4th Place
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury's
but she couldn't find one big enough
for her family.
She asked a passing assistant, 'Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The assistant replied, 'I'm afraid not, they're dead.'
3rd Place
The policeman got out of his car and approached the boy racer he stopped
for speeding.
'I've been waiting for you all day,' the bobby said.
The kid replied, 'Yes, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
without a ticket.
2nd Place
A lorry driver was driving along on a country road. A sign came up that
read 'Low Bridge Ahead.' Before he realised it, the bridge was directly ahead and he got stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman got out of his car and walked
to the lorry's cab and said to the driver,
"Got stuck, eh?"
The lorry driver said, "No, I was delivering this bridge and
ran out of petrol!"
SMART ARSED ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2009
A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of
tomorrow's final exam.
"Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not
being here tomorrow.
I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or
a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses
whatsoever!"
A smart-arsed guy at the back of the raised his hand
and asked, "What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete
and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class was reduced to laughter and
sniggering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said:
'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand'
