Life, And What To Do When You're Fed Up With Yours

[Chief Wiggum]

Have you considered studying at a university abroad? Many countries in Europe and around the world offer English based degrees. If you speak another language then you have even more choice. That way you could combine traveling, experience a different culture whilst studying in order to help change your direction in life. This would clearly depend on the amount of savings you had, but university fees overseas are often much cheaper than the UK. You may also be able to work part time whilst studying.

As others have said, whatever you decide do not put it off. Get planning. That is exciting in itself. Good luck.

 

[sydney]

Basically, I'm 31 years old and utterly fed up with what passes for my life. I'm stuck in a job/sector that holds no particular interest for me and certainly gives me no incentive to go to work each day, yet I'm basically not qualified to do anything else. I'm in a relationship that's lasted for 3 years without really going anywhere, and honestly I'm not sure whether it ever will yet I'm also too insecure and frankly afraid of being even more alone and isolated than is currently the case to risk ending it. In a nutshell I'm sick of my life just drifting along and passing me by with no particular purpose to any of it, I'm just not sure what to do about it.

The thought occurs to me to just jack it all in and spend my savings travelling for a while, in the hope that I'll find something or somewhere or someone or whatever that's right for me, but is that just taking the coward's way out and running away from my problems rather than actually dealing with them? Maybe I should try to find a new job, except I'm stuck in the same situation I've been in as long as I can remember of not knowing what I want to do with my life and as noted earlier I'm probably past the stage of being qualified to do anything except what I already do.

I don't really know exactly where or when it all went wrong for me, I just want to find the right way of somehow salvaging it all. Any advice or tips or whatever from those with any kind of pertinent experience will be gratefully received.

the western world is full of people like your good self , nothing has gone wrong , you sound like you are just bored stiff... I can only make two observations mate , at 31 you really do have a lot of life in front of you as you have not tied the knott and have no kids , presumably, you are basically free to do what you want......"holding on in quiet desperation is the english way" and all that , so i would say take an extended holiday if you can , go and drive across the states in a beaten up cadillac , pick up hitch-hikers , shag anything that moves , get crabs , get a life...........secondly , at 31 you can still re-train career wise , i'm 50 , i'm screwed , you're only 31.....you're ok....

 

[kevo]

31 is the perfect age to take a step back and go and do something completely different. Even if things don't work out, it's not too old to return to what you were originally doing. As far as your career is concerned, I would say find out what you are really good at. Don't do something because you think it sounds more interesting or glamorous. If you can find out what you excel at, you will find the work fulfilling, and it will become its own reward - and you are much more likely to be successful (and paid lots of money).

 

[Garry Nelson's Left Foot]

I can only echo the majority of replies. Go for it. You have one (shortish) life, go out and see the world. It's a braver move to make the change than stay in your rut.

The only suggestion I'd make is to get yourself a CELTA (http://www.cambridgeenglish.org/teaching-english/teaching-qualifications/celta/) or some other form of teaching English as a second language qualification. You may not realise it but being a native English speaker is a huge door opener in large parts of the world. Couple that with a well regarded teaching qualification and you can find employment in pretty much any non native English speaking country. You could even get a job in Barcelona

Get your qualification before traveling, that way when you discover a country or way of life that you want to live in or explore more you can find a job immediately that allows you to do so.

Alternatively you could do some volunteer work. Either way, with no real ties (Mortgage/kids etc) you have a wonderful opportunity to change your life for the better. Take the plunge, you won't regret it.

 

[Ex-Staffs Gull]

I was a Teacher and retrained at 30 to be in IT. Had my first child whilst retraining. Got fed up with aspects of UK at 40 so quit job, sold house and emigrated to Aus.
What I would say is you cant run away from problems, but you can take action to fix parts of life that are not working.

If you want to do something, look at the best way of doing it and go for it!

 

[ThePompousPaladin]

Travelling isn't a cowards way out at all.

...


Starting making things happen now.

You sir, are awesome.

 

[Wilko]

Sorry to sound a bit harsh but I've never understand why people say they are stuck in a rut, stuck in a relationship they do not want to be in or in a no end job. The answer really is obvious - change it.

3 years ago I was in a teaching job that I enjoyed but the college itself was going no where and had just spectacularly failed OFSTED. I decided to work abroad, took a job in Kenya and I am still there now, I traveled to over 10 countries in Africa already. Starting to get itchy feet and so tomorrow I am interviewing for a job in Malaysia.

I have always been similar in relationships too, if you see no future and it is heading no where - GET OUT. It is going to fail eventually and life is too short to stay with someone when you know it is futile.

The reality is, only you can change it. Life is about taking risks, I have jumped off the high board a lot and gambled, no regrets. This time tomorrow I could be finding out I move to Malaysia, I could regret moving from Kenya but so what? Life is a ll about change and experience. It is the gambling in life that makes it a buzz, maybe that is what you need!

 

[W.C.]

Not a lot more to add other than to echo what a lot of people have said about age. You still have youth on your side. I say this as when I hit 30 I got a bit down thinking I was a bit over the hill. I'm 43 now and looking back that seems a bit ridiculous.
Lots of good suggestions on here and as said, you seem like a nice, balanced, intelligent person. Enjoy what you do next.

 

[AZ Gull]

[MENTION=4675]Frutos[/MENTION] – I feel your pain and can relate, as I was in a pretty similar position to you at around the same age. In my case, I took some professional careers advice and ended up going back to college to do a Masters. Out of the blue, two years later, I had an opportunity to move to the States. I offer this only as an example of how things can change in a relatively short space of time (and at 31 you are still a young man).

However, perhaps more importantly, I wonder if you have ever considered getting involved in men’s work? If you lived over here in the States I would absolutely recommend you find out more about AMP (the Authentic Man Program). I don’t know if there is anything similar in the UK.

You clearly feel stuck and without purpose. We all have a purpose; you simply haven’t discovered what yours is yet. And towards that end, there is NOTHING more powerful than having a group of solid men that have your back and hold you accountable to yourself. Also, if you have never tried it yet, meditation is an important part of the puzzle.

I admire you for making your post and I wish you luck on your journey.

 

[beorhthelm]

theres something been over looked so far, maybe Frutos' biological urges are yearning for mini-Frutos

 

[Wilko]

theres something been over looked so far, maybe Frutos' biological urges are yearning for mini-Frutos

I think many people have assumed his sexuality is heterosexual, many have referred to his girlfriend! His partner may not be female. Correct me if I am wrong Frutos.

 

[jimhigham]

Kudos to Frutos. It's a tough thing to front up on a trollfest such as NSC. I hope you find some answers in here.

Here's my tuppence worth. I'm 43. I've been in the same job for 23 years. It's relatively secure. The wages are OK. Not great, but OK. The leave entitlement is far better than average and the pension pot is building up. For all of the above reasons I am acutely aware that the grass is not always greener on the other side but I cannot escape the simple fact that my work now bores me.

I've indulged my photographic hobby to the point where I have begun trying to put myself out there for events and the like. It's a low risk way of trying to spread my wings but retaining the security of my day job. If things work out beyond my wildest dreams I can leave my job. If they work out a little bit I may be able to go part time. If they don't, and it turns out that I've been kidding myself all along, then I've not lost much except my pride and some acceptable start up costs. If it doesn't work out I find that simply allowing myself licence to snap means that I am a lot more tolerant of the stresses in my real job, which provides me with the means to do what I enjoy outside of the office.

Do you have a hobby that you are able to develop in such a way? It's a long shot but it's worth considering. Failing that I strongly second those that have advocated travel. Whether you end up up enjoying it or not it broadens your perspective of the world and your place in it. And it's definitely not a coward's choice.

Good luck out there.

 

[KZNSeagull]

Do some research into working abroad and do it. As has been mentioned, teaching English as a foreign language is a very good option and will open doors in numerous countries. I was 51 when I upped sticks and moved to South Africa in 2010. I took a 30% pay cut but I benefit from the wonderful climate, the low cost of living and the gorgeous black chicks who love white guys. I haven't regretted it for one minute and my permanent residence application is now in the works.

Can I PM you to ask you lots of questions?!

 

[Lush]

I'm far too much of a wuss to go travelling, but there are many ways that you can 'travel'.

Books can take you to places, into other people's lives, even to other eras. Taking an online course can take you to places too - it doesn't have to be useful or for your career - you might discover a passion for astronomy or French literature. You don't have to travel to eat unusual food - get a recipe book from the library, choose something simple and take a trip to Taj for the ingredients.

On Sunday I did a backstage tour of the Dome - which I'd never seen before. In the evening I went to St Bartholomew's church and listened to the Brighton Early Music Consort sing some old religious stuff - which I'd never done before. It was beautiful and such a great place.

Both are within 10 mins of my own front door. I realise we're lucky in Brighton, but there's a hell of a lot going on on your own doorstep if you take the plunge and try something new. Be open to new things and try and live life to the full.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

Frutos, as we know you personally, I'm not going to comment here, but you know where we are, if you want to talk. We can listen well, and sometimes talking to others can help you see where you want to go, more clearly.

 

[alfredmizen]

Basically, I'm 31 years old and utterly fed up with what passes for my life. I'm stuck in a job/sector that holds no particular interest for me and certainly gives me no incentive to go to work each day, yet I'm basically not qualified to do anything else. I'm in a relationship that's lasted for 3 years without really going anywhere, and honestly I'm not sure whether it ever will yet I'm also too insecure and frankly afraid of being even more alone and isolated than is currently the case to risk ending it. In a nutshell I'm sick of my life just drifting along and passing me by with no particular purpose to any of it, I'm just not sure what to do about it.

The thought occurs to me to just jack it all in and spend my savings travelling for a while, in the hope that I'll find something or somewhere or someone or whatever that's right for me, but is that just taking the coward's way out and running away from my problems rather than actually dealing with them? Maybe I should try to find a new job, except I'm stuck in the same situation I've been in as long as I can remember of not knowing what I want to do with my life and as noted earlier I'm probably past the stage of being qualified to do anything except what I already do.

I don't really know exactly where or when it all went wrong for me, I just want to find the right way of somehow salvaging it all. Any advice or tips or whatever from those with any kind of pertinent experience will be gratefully received.

Ever thought of going to work for Carnival Cruises , maybe in the casino my sister did it for 3 years and had a whale of a time round the caribbean , one long party from what she told me because the casino has to be closed in port, or maybe a bar job on one of their ships , i wish i'd done it to be honest, i'm pretty sure they will train you to work in the casino as well.

 

[Justice]

When you go travelling you soon realise other cultures are so more relaxed than ours. All you get in this country is bill upon bill being shoved through the letter box, huge living expenses just to keep a roof over your head can become very depressing. I wish I had never come back and made a life for myself in another part of the world but such is life I guess.

 

[basque seagull]

A mate of mine went to Poland for one month in summer and did a CELTA course:

http://www.cambridgeenglish.org/teaching-english/teaching-qualifications/celta/

With this qualification you can teach anywhere in the world. If you are native, EFL teaching is a good way to see the world.
Hope this helps!

 

[Wilko]

When you go travelling you soon realise other cultures are so more relaxed than ours. All you get in this country is bill upon bill being shoved through the letter box, huge living expenses just to keep a roof over your head can become very depressing. I wish I had never come back and made a life for myself in another part of the world but such is life I guess.

Partly true for me. Living abroad has too made me realise the ridiculous cost of living in the UK and how much living in year round sunshine has a positive impact on your health and well-being. HOWEVER, I really love going back to England (Brighton specifically) for breaks because I realise what a brilliant country it is in terms of places to go, shows to attend, pubs to visit, places to eat, football to watch, live music etc.

England has its disadvantages but never forget what a wonderful place it is, I am still blown away by visits to Brighton and London, they are among some of the best cities I have ever visited and I have been to a lot.

 

[Seagull58]

Sorry to sound a bit harsh but I've never understand why people say they are stuck in a rut, stuck in a relationship they do not want to be in or in a no end job. The answer really is obvious - change it.

3 years ago I was in a teaching job that I enjoyed but the college itself was going no where and had just spectacularly failed OFSTED. I decided to work abroad, took a job in Kenya and I am still there now, I traveled to over 10 countries in Africa already. Starting to get itchy feet and so tomorrow I am interviewing for a job in Malaysia.

I have always been similar in relationships too, if you see no future and it is heading no where - GET OUT. It is going to fail eventually and life is too short to stay with someone when you know it is futile.

The reality is, only you can change it. Life is about taking risks, I have jumped off the high board a lot and gambled, no regrets. This time tomorrow I could be finding out I move to Malaysia, I could regret moving from Kenya but so what? Life is a ll about change and experience. It is the gambling in life that makes it a buzz, maybe that is what you need!

One of my best friends has been teaching in Kuala Lumpur for a year after 15 years teaching in the Netherlands and one disastrous year teaching back in the UK. He is really enjoying the teaching and the lifestyle. I went out there for 10 days in May and had a great time. I reckon you will enjoy it.