Lets have more fun/jokes

[jackanada]

Last year I started a business selling sandals to people with only one leg.
It ended up being a flop.

 

[Lankyseagull]

A friend of mine has just come back from living with Native Americans.

I asked him about the language barrier, but he told me it was easy once he knew How...

 

[Lankyseagull]

Today I was asked my opinion on Switzerland.

I couldn't really answer, but said the flag was a big plus...

 

[Postman Pat]

I took my laptop back to PC World, I said to the bloke, when I start it up it eats all my biscuits and then plays rolling in the deep on a loop.
Of course it does he said........ it's a Dell.

 

[goldstone68]

A white horse goes into a pub,
and asks the landlord for a pint of his best bitter,
"sure thing" say's the landlord,
"thank you very much" says the white horse,
"hang about I've got a whisky named after you" says the landlord,
"what Eric ?" says the white horse

 

[Buzzer]

A horse goes into a pub and the barman says "why the long face"?

The horse replies "I've got AIDS"

 

[Buzzer]

Two fish walk into a bar. The barman says "Why the long faeces?"

 

[gjh1971]

I've got a step ladder at home. My real ladder left when I was 5

 

[ThePompousPaladin]

An air conditioning unit admitted it used to like farmyard machinery, it was an extractor fan.

 

[essbee]

Didn't have jet fighters 100 years ago.
Just to be accurate

I wasn't implying we did. I just want some original jokes!

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Two cannibals are eating Jim Davidson and one says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?"
"No it does not!", says the other cannibal.
" I thought not" said the other cannibal, "its supposed to, but it just doesn't"
"I know", says the cannibal, tastes just like a f****** old c*** to me.

 

[Buzzer]

Prof Brian Cox played keyboards with D:Ream, Brian May - astrophysicist and guitarist, even Patrick Moore played a mean xylophone. Meanwhile Stephen Hawking can't even be arsed to learn how to play the harmonica. Talented but lazy, that bloke.

 

[el punal]

Man goes to the doctor and says : " Doctor, I think I've got a golf ball stuck up my arse."

Doctor replies : " Pull down your trousers and pants and bend over." The man does so.

Doctor says : " Ah yes - I see it's gone up a fair way."

 

[Garage_Doors]

Saw a arab shaking his carpet from the 14th floor of a block of flats, i shouted up, whats a matter won't it start.

 

[gjh1971]

The Proclaimers lawnmower broke - and they searched all over Scotland for a new one, but to no avail.

Bathgate no mower, Lewis no mower , Irvine no mower , Skye no mower

 

[Guy Fawkes]

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

 

[Garage_Doors]

Took my young boy swimming at the weekend and let his to his own devices whilst i did a few lengths and having finished the lifeguard asked me if this lad he was pointing to was mine, proudly saying yes he told me he had seen him pissing in the pool ! come on i said every young lad has had a sneaky piss in the pool, not from the top diving board they haven't he said!

 

[Guy Fawkes]

I was at a job interview today.

The interviewer said to me, "On your CV, it says that you are a man of mystery."

I said, "That's correct."

He said, "Would you like to elaborate?"

I said, "No."

 

[bravohotelalpha]

The Past, The Present and The Future walked into a bar........
it was tense

 

[jakarta]

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

I am sceptical of this story.

How had this boy got access to the appropriate surgical equipment and anaesthetics?

Besides not very many 8 year olds would have enough knowledge of human physiology to identify the appendix, let alone remove it.

There would normally be a Team of Scrub Nurses and Anaesthetists present, surely one would have challenged an 8 Year Old Surgeon?

Following surgery of this type the girl would surely have stayed in a Recovery Suite for some time rather than have been 'brought home'.

I think this can be chalked down to what some people call 'Urban Myths'