'Jokes' (merged)

[Andrew]

So there's an old man, who's been living in a village all his life, he heads into the local post office on his 82nd birthday.

He says to the women behind the counter:

"How old do you think I am, it's my birthday today."

The women looks baffled and confused, but she goes along with it and says "I dunno, 80, 81?"

"Nope" The man said.

"I'm 82 today."

The man asks the same questions to the women in the bakery, the women in the butchers and the women working the counter in the local co-operative.

All the women were wrong, and the man had his head held high that every women said he looked younger than he was.

He then heads into the local park, and goes up to a random woman and says:

"Hello, it's my birthday today, guess how old I am?!"

"I don't know, but I know how to find out." The woman said.

"Drop your trousers and boxers, and I'll show you." She said.

The man was very confused but decided do what she said, he dropped his trousers and pants.

The women continued to feel and examine his balls for a thorough 5 minutes, before saying that he was 82.

The man was amazed, he exclaimed: "How did you do that?"

The women then said, "I was behind you in the queue up at the post office."

 

[brakespear]

thread title disappoints.

 

[withdeanwombat]

He's younger than the joke.

 

[brakespear]

He's younger than the joke.

isn't everybody?

 

[The Buttery Biscuit Base]

 

[Triggaaar]

thread title disappoints.

At least something in this thread was funny

 

[GingerBeerMan]

At least something in this thread was funny

If you'd like to point it out i'm up for a laugh

 

[Triggaaar]

If you'd like to point it out i'm up for a laugh

Too late, timing is everything. I found the first reply funny.

 

[Muhammed - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "Why the long face?" The horse unable to speak english shits on the floor and leaves.

 

[albion534]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "Why the long face?" The horse unable to speak english shits on the floor and leaves.

This

 

[Pbseagull]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him "Why the long face?" The horse unable to speak english shits on the floor and leaves.

A White Horse walks into a bar and asks the barman for a Whiskey, The Barman asks "what Whiskey would you like" White Horse Asks "What Whiskey do you have" "We have Bells,Teachers,Glenfiddich, Bushmills.. in fact we've even got a Whiskey named after you" White Horse says " What, you've got a whiskey called Dobbin?

 

[Hillian1]

A woman goes to the doctors because whatever she tries she just cannot get a boyfriend.
The doctor, who is Chinese, asks her to strip naked and get on all fours and crawl away from him to the end of the room and back towards him.
Confused, she does this anyway and then puts her clothes back on while the doctor is thinking.
After a while the doctor tells her she is suffering from "Edzakery syndrome"
What is Edzakery she asks, can it be treated, am I going to die?
No, says the doctor, it's when your face look edzakery like your arse.

 

[Tricky Dicky]

A White Horse walks into a bar and asks the barman for a Whiskey, The Barman asks "what Whiskey would you like" White Horse Asks "What Whiskey do you have" "We have Bells,Teachers,Glenfiddich, Bushmills.. in fact we've even got a Whiskey named after you" White Horse says " What, you've got a whiskey called Dobbin?

I thought it was "Eric" ??

 

[Hungry Joe]

You know what, I thought the op's joke was quite funny in a retro kind of way. If I'd heard it before I've forgotten. I forget quite a lot of things. But I'm not 82. But I am up for having my balls felt-up in the park.

 

[Matrix10]

Joke time

I met a girl in the pub. We chatted and got drunk and I ended up at hers."Listen" I said, "I'm not very experienced and when I'm with a girl for the first time I do suffer from a bit of premature ejaculation.""Well we can take it slow, babe," she winked.
"How premature?"
"Remember earlier in the pub, when you asked me about sex?"
"Yeah?"

"Then."

 

[SeagullSongs]

 

[pishhead]

Joey Barton is planning to join a new club this summer. He can't say which one, its first rule is you don't talk about it.

 

[pishhead]

My mate set me up on a blind date.

He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."

I felt like a right f***ing idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy.

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

lol

 

[Basil Fawlty]

I'm voting Greece to win the Eurovision song contest.
Not because I think they are good,
I just want to see their Prime Minister's face when they realise how much the arena costs for next year.