Joke de Jour

[Minghawk]

A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a Bar in Dublin. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"


The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her.

But down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed " Give the ballerina a drink!"


The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"


Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"


The bartender approached the little drunk and said "Tell me, Paddy, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"
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The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"



Awaits Fixtures / Kanchelskis etc etc

 

[Man of Harveys]

 

[surrey jim]

 

[Brighton till i die]

niiiiiiiiiiiiice

 

[captainmorganrum]

Easy as 123

A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man.The medicine man casts a spell but tells the old man that he can only use it once a year.
" All you have to do is say '123', and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want it to continue?" The medicine man replies: "All you or your partner has to say is '1234', and it will go down. But be warned: It will not work again for another year."

The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and slaps on the Brut all over.

He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says "123", and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man had promised.

His wife turns over and asks, "What did you say '123' for?"

 

[Basil Fawlty]

 

[McShane79]

 

[Leekbrookgull]

 

[Charles 'Charley' Charles]

Two rough sort's are out for the night, on their way home, they are caught short walking through a cemetary. The first one has a pee and wipes herself on her knickers and throws them away. The second one isn't wearing any so wipes herself on a wreath. The next day the two husbands are in the pub, the first one says "I don't know what they got upto last night, but my wife came home not wearing any knickers". The second husband said, "thats nothing I found a card where my wifes knickers should of been". It said "we will never forget you, love all the lads from the fire station"

 

[Munkfish]

 

[Juan Albion]

Two rough sort's are out for the night, on their way home, they are caught short walking through a cemetary. The first one has a pee and wipes herself on her knickers and throws them away. The second one isn't wearing any so wipes herself on a wreath. The next day the two husbands are in the pub, the first one says "I don't know what they got upto last night, but my wife came home not wearing any knickers". The second husband said, "thats nothing I found a card where my wifes knickers should of been". It said "we will never forget you, love all the lads from the fire station"

Preferred Bwian's version in February.

 

[Charles 'Charley' Charles]

Preferred Bwian's version in February.

Sorry, was only saying the other day that I'd never been fixtured, I feel so complete now

 

[Father Jack]