Cures for the common COLD

[jonnyboylennon]

Right you runts Ive got a shocking cold which came on last night.

I also have a DATE tomorrow night and Iwant to be JIZZING rather than SNEEZING all over her.

As far as I know, vitamin C and chicken soup helps. Any other old fishwives CURES I could try tonight/tomorrow?

Muchos gracias el geekos xxxx

 

[Basil Fawlty]

I also have a cold coming on...

 

[Lander]

Sweat it out for a run or something you will feel much better for it and stop sneezing, works for me

 

[ben andrews' girlfriend]

Vitamin C
Chicken Soup
Water
Lemsip Max Strength Capsules. Theyre awesome

 

[dougdeep]

There is no cure, and I doubt there ever will be. Won't she wait?

 

[Nemesis]

I've had a cold since Christmas Eve-no cure, just relief. Let yours run its course and try not to sneeze at inappropriate moments...

 

[Woodchip]

I find that sweating it out works. Thicker duvet, and sleep in your thermals/dressing gown/fully clothed/whatever. Don't forget to wash them the following day though, Stinky.

Plenty of fluids as well before and after.

 

[Moshe Gariani]

I have a proper man cold... no possible cure - despite this curse Mrs G has left me holding the baby today and buggered off to London to see a show...

not happy... one hour window while he sleeps at the moment with highlight of the day set to be a dose of NSC and Marple

 

[Billy the Fish]

If you only need to get rid of it for a night then some ecstacy tablets should do the trick. You might not want to take her for dinner though.

 

[Uncle Spielberg]

I had/have a cold which came on last Thursday and have had it for the whole Xmas which meant I missed the office party and a couple of other things and felt like shit the whole break, thank you God. Brandy and lots of it is the only known cure to Man.

 

[Cian]

If you only need to get rid of it for a night then some ecstacy tablets should do the trick. You might not want to take her for dinner though.

I'm sure he can take *her* to dinner. He might not want to eat much himself, though.... And, as goes the "jizzing" later...

 

[Ned]

Hottest curry you can stand
Good measure of rum / brandy
then sweat it out in bed (two duvets & thick PJs)
Don't forget plenty of fluids to stop dehydration

 

[Robbie G]

Hot lemonade to aid the 'sweating out'

I prefer lots of water, fair bit of fruit and some good rest. Avoid caffeine (tea, coffee, chocolate).

 

[jonnyboylennon]

Its okay cos I went out with her last weekend so its not a FIRST date, and that involved ecstacy tablets and jizzing the following morning so maybe I'll just follow that formula again.

Is it me or do your FARTS always smell worse when you're ill?

 

[Spiros]

Hottest curry you can stand
Good measure of rum / brandy
then sweat it out in bed (two duvets & thick PJs)
Don't forget plenty of fluids to stop dehydration

Ned - you're almost right.

1. Hottest curry you can stand
2. A litre of orange juice
3. One serving of 'Night Nurse' (available from all good pharmacies)
4. Head straight to sleep

Worked for me when a shocker of a cold arrived 2 weeks before Christmas

 

[scooter1]

I always go for half a bottle on Benylin(the full on drowsy version) and half a bottle of scotch(it can be cheap stuff as the Benylin will mask most flavours). Knock them both back and go to bed. After that little cocktail i usually sleep for about 16 hours and wake feeling right as ninepence

 

[Spiros]

Sounds good - might try that one next time. Might not even bother with the cold

 

[Yorkie]

Hottest curry you can stand
Good measure of rum / brandy
then sweat it out in bed (two duvets & thick PJs)
Don't forget plenty of fluids to stop dehydration

And you can see why I banished him to the spare room.
It does work though. The cold virus doesn't like being overheated so therefore getting a good sweat on, kills it off.

 

[graz126]

might not work quick enough but i love hot milk with whiskey and honey in it.. does the trick quickly but in 1 day not so sure

 

[Mr C]

If nothing else, take a f***ing shitload of vitamin C.

Like, 2 of those 833% RDA pills every hour or so. So that'll be something like 130 times your daily recommended dose over an eight hour period.

You'll probably have the shits though.

Works for me