[Albion] BHAFC saved my life

[mrjon1976]

Apologies in advance for a long thread - and also there are potential triggers here. Also apologies to the people that replied / messaged after my last post to which I didn't respond - this was out of embarrassment & shame rather than being rude and snotty.

Having seen the meltdown on various platforms after last night, and some fairly flippant remarks, I wanted to share something that hopefully will give some balance to the usual degree of BS reactions from some areas of our support.

So I posted a while ago on the effect our results can have on MH. I appreciate that I have a myriad of issues (depression, anxiety etc) and that I shouldn't be reliant on these things to keep me going. As a background, I attend games with my dad (home and most away). To cut a long story short, he was all up for going to the US preseason tour, as probably one last time that we would be able to do this type of thing together; however having effectively sacrificed any holiday with my SO for the next 3 years as a result of committing to this, he then did an about turn leaving me in a financial lurch as well as effectively stating that he wouldn't want to spend that amount of time with me. Now for someone with zero self esteem or confidence as it is, whilst I can handle being unliked by the general populous, hearing it from your own father was crushing and pushed me into the deepest depression I have been in for years. As a result, I tried to take my own life on Friday 28th April, but being useless at living, turns out I was useless at ending it as well.

As I was then pushed to 1 side by our MH services, I was discharged and left to my own devices. I chose to attend the Wolves game for one last time before I had every intention of another attempt, However, as we all know we won 6-0, and the thought dawned on me that I might forever regret not being around to see the end of the best season I have (or maybe will) ever, so I made a choice to try & survive until the United game, How I survived until then is a mystery, but we all know what happened that night, and thus I made a conscious decision to try & struggle on to the Everton game. In spite of the result, the only memories of being anything other than miserable that I can focus on, are times watching the Albion this season in particular.

Having seen some of the usual kneejerk reactions on here and on socials, I wanted to offer my perspective in that this team has saved my life, for which I will forever be grateful. We all have our disappointments after last night, but it doesnt matter if you went to the Goldstone, Withdean, have been a supporter for 20 days or 20 years, left on 75 mins or stay until the end, anyone who chooses to spend their time and / or money supporting us in any way possible is as valid a fan as the next.

I don't know if anyone from the club ever peruses these pages, and part of me wanted them to know how grateful I am to them because I am fairly sure that they will have no idea that on a sunny Saturday afternoon they literally saved someone's life by doing what they do. Whatever happens in the next 5 games, just don't be a dick.

 

[hart's shirt]

A very brave post. Thank you so much for sharing your story on here.

There's plenty of support on NSC from caring people, so please don't feel that you have to fight these battles alone.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Brave, inspirational post. Echo the sentiments above, thanks for posting that mate.

 

[Mackenzie]

I’m really glad you’re still with us.

 

[Soul Finger]

Totally emphathise with you mate. That must have been horrible.

The Albion will let sometimes you down, but it'll always be there for you.
I had a similar experience when I was kicked out of home at 15. I could have gone off the rails but just immersed myself in the Albion instead. I think I made the right decision. Hasn't always felt like that though!

Reach out (I really do dislike this term!) to your friends mate.

Keep going. x

 

[timbha]

Others have found help on here with their MH issues.

I hope your inspiring post and your love of the Albion are the start of happier times ahead.

 

[Nicks]

If you are still going to the States myself and my son would look forward to having a few beers with you over there and talking all things Albion

 

[sdmartin1]

Brave post mate, glad you're still with us and hope you stay strong

 

[Psychobilly freakout]

Very brave and inspiring post, I am so glad you failed in your attempt, and there is a reason you did.
Your time is not done here, there are people that care about you. Sometimes those that have harsh words that cut like a knife are actually trying to help. It is easy to say ignore your fathers words that hurt you so much, my thoughts on this as they register with me, is use that as a challenge.
Sometimes we need space and time, to see things clearly, go for walks if you can in the countryside, the fresh air and beauty all around can be inspiring.

Keep your head held high and enjoy the ride, for this has been the best season we have ever known, and I am sure there is more to come...

This is the Albion and we do things, the hard way.
x

 

[jimhigham]

That’s a huge great dose of perspective right there. Good on you for having the bravery to share it. Much love. Hope you find the support you need. Keep on keeping on.

 

[Deleted member 37369]

Brave post ... and one that I hope everyone that visits these pages reads ... and reflects on ... take care ...

 

[Lever]

That’s a huge great dose of perspective right there. Good on you for having the bravery to share it. Much love. Hope you find the support you need. Keep on keeping on.

This... completely. I would just like to add that I respect your immensely powerful communication and believe it helps us all. Thank you and stay strong!

 

[Bombardier]

Apologies in advance for a long thread - and also there are potential triggers here. Also apologies to the people that replied / messaged after my last post to which I didn't respond - this was out of embarrassment & shame rather than being rude and snotty.

Having seen the meltdown on various platforms after last night, and some fairly flippant remarks, I wanted to share something that hopefully will give some balance to the usual degree of BS reactions from some areas of our support.

So I posted a while ago on the effect our results can have on MH. I appreciate that I have a myriad of issues (depression, anxiety etc) and that I shouldn't be reliant on these things to keep me going. As a background, I attend games with my dad (home and most away). To cut a long story short, he was all up for going to the US preseason tour, as probably one last time that we would be able to do this type of thing together; however having effectively sacrificed any holiday with my SO for the next 3 years as a result of committing to this, he then did an about turn leaving me in a financial lurch as well as effectively stating that he wouldn't want to spend that amount of time with me. Now for someone with zero self esteem or confidence as it is, whilst I can handle being unliked by the general populous, hearing it from your own father was crushing and pushed me into the deepest depression I have been in for years. As a result, I tried to take my own life on Friday 28th April, but being useless at living, turns out I was useless at ending it as well.

As I was then pushed to 1 side by our MH services, I was discharged and left to my own devices. I chose to attend the Wolves game for one last time before I had every intention of another attempt, However, as we all know we won 6-0, and the thought dawned on me that I might forever regret not being around to see the end of the best season I have (or maybe will) ever, so I made a choice to try & survive until the United game, How I survived until then is a mystery, but we all know what happened that night, and thus I made a conscious decision to try & struggle on to the Everton game. In spite of the result, the only memories of being anything other than miserable that I can focus on, are times watching the Albion this season in particular.

Having seen some of the usual kneejerk reactions on here and on socials, I wanted to offer my perspective in that this team has saved my life, for which I will forever be grateful. We all have our disappointments after last night, but it doesnt matter if you went to the Goldstone, Withdean, have been a supporter for 20 days or 20 years, left on 75 mins or stay until the end, anyone who chooses to spend their time and / or money supporting us in any way possible is as valid a fan as the next.

I don't know if anyone from the club ever peruses these pages, and part of me wanted them to know how grateful I am to them because I am fairly sure that they will have no idea that on a sunny Saturday afternoon they literally saved someone's life by doing what they do. Whatever happens in the next 5 games, just don't be a dick.

One thing wrong with this post. It starts with "apologies". You should never apologise for how you feel. As someone who is peer supporter trained never apologise for how you feel as it is OK to feel bad at times. You are not useless and indeed the opposite. You showed a caring side. Take each day and focus on being as positive as you can. If you can think of trying to do one positive thing each day to start with that would be a brilliant start. As other posters have stated there are some of us out there on NSC who would be delighted to help you. Reach out if needed.

 

[Mr Banana]

Well played. Not to be in any way assumptive but I had what reads like some comparable situations before the last promotion season. It's a long and often tedious battle and has to be done one day at a time, but the Albion can help and sticking around is good – as is talking.

On the MH side, if you ever want any ideas or resources or just a monotone chat then feel free to shout me. You often have to be persistent and assertive with services, which isn't easy in itself.

 

[PTC Gull]

Very brave post and it will make you stronger. And as @Bombardier said, never apologize for how you feel.

 

[Bryanw42]

it doesnt matter if you went to the Goldstone, Withdean, have been a supporter for 20 days or 20 years, left on 75 mins or stay until the end, anyone who chooses to spend their time and / or money supporting us in any way possible is as valid a fan as the next.

Well said. I've moaned about people leaving early before but I think you're right. It's not a competition to prove who the best superfan is. Good post and I wish you well.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

It's ok not to be ok, and never worry about asking for help. Just take one day at a time. I can empathise with your rejection when you were young as it happened to me. I found my help in the armed forces (many do the same) and in church.

There's always someone on Nsc to chat with, we are all part of the Albion family, so be kind to yourself, don't take the defeats too seriously and enjoy the football.
As I said, one day at a time. Bad times don't last.

 

[Mental Lental]

 

[Vaughan Storm]

'If you're in hell, why would you stop in hell?' Steve Harvey, nah seriously call the Samaritans or something

 

[kuzushi]

View attachment 160718

This picture makes a very significant point. I've had times in my life where I've been afflicted with depression, to such an extant that it would almost feel like a physical weight on me. Not really so much these days, but when I was younger, and it would be crippling. But over time I began to see that life has ups and downs, and learned to be more philosophical about the low times, understanding that they would pass. It took me a while to understand that. Whenever I was down, it would feel eternal, but then there'd always be a time when I felt okay again, and eventually I got to the point where I was able to be depressed and while being depressed assess things and say to myself, "Ah, I'm depressed now. Oh well, it'll pass at some point, it always does." This was a massive epiphany for me, because part of what made the depression so bad was a feeling of hopelessness, but when I made the realisation that it was temporary, suddenly it felt lighter. I've also come to the point where to a large extent I've stopped caring what people think of me anymore. I just enjoy life. Things like football. And other stuff, too. It's great that you've realised that focusing on something outside yourself, in this case BHAFC, can help you psychologically. But don't stop there. Add more things to it. Focus on other things outside yourself, just like you have done with the Albion. Stop focusing on yourself and people's opinions about you. Most people are cnuts, as I'm sure everyone on this forum will agree. So sod 'em. Regarding suicide, I concluded that if you want to die, you will almost certainly get your wish one day because death comes to everyone, but there's no need to hasten the day it happens because you never know what good things you could be missing out on (which is the point of the Game of Thrones picture, as a living person you have infinitely more possibilities than you realise), even if it's only seeing how BHAFC are doing (it's not, there's a lot more than just that obviously). But don't start getting suicidal if Brighton's fortunes take a downturn! It doesn't sound like your Dad is a very supportive person. I don't know whether you can discuss his attitude with him, ask him why he feels that way, or whether you should even consider to what extent he's a necessary person in your life FOR YOU. Honestly, put yourself first, because learning to enjoy life and be happy is the best favour you can do everyone at the moment, paradoxically even if it means distancing yourself form your dad if he's dragging you down (sounding a bit like Ayn Rand here). You mention your SO. That's an extremely positive thing. You have someone in your life who at some point chose to be in your life because they saw something worthwhile in you. I don't know why your relationship is like, whether it is good or bad at this point, but that fact remains. I don't know whether you will still be going to the US now. Perhaps you should if you still have the tickets, without your dad, if you think you'll enjoy it. Can your SO go with you?

A final point which I hope you won't mind me making: as humans, we consist of body, mind and spirit. Not everyone believes in the spirit, which is ironic as it is the most essential part of who a person is. The body is just an extension or the true essence of the person. There is evidence for the existence of the soul, and I think you need to consider what you will be facing if you were to take your life.