Bell Cheeses at work

[Notters]

It didn't help a bit, though.

The amount of people who assume Google Maps is live is scary, its got worse since they added the traffic data.

Do these people not realise that the cars aren't moving?!

 

[Staly]

She would have struggled in the Geology Building (Williamson) in the early 90's. Back then, bogs on the ground floor in there looked like an active dirty protest was ongoing (certainly in the mens, but by all accounts the womens as well).

Students really are disgusting creatures on the whole.

 

[Da Man Clay]

Really, I just want a quiet life. I never asked for staff…

I think you've got to tackle it for two wildly different reasons. Firstly, as a line manager myself I don't think I'd be able to cope with this bint taking an hour an a half a day out of the time I'm paying her for. Would annoy me immensely. Especially given she seemingly should be managed out of the job anyway.

More importantly it would make fantastic reading on this thread...!

 

[Staly]

I think you've got to tackle it for two wildly different reasons. Firstly, as a line manager myself I don't think I'd be able to cope with this bint taking an hour an a half a day out of the time I'm paying her for. Would annoy me immensely. Especially given she seemingly should be managed out of the job anyway.

More importantly it would make fantastic reading on this thread...!

She should be managed out. Plus I think it's somebody else's turn to put up with her. But have you ever tried getting rid of somebody from a university? Impossible.

 

[WATFORD zero]

But have you ever tried getting rid of somebody from a university? Impossible.

'Whose round is it ?' normally gets rid of everone from a university bar if that's any help

 

[Cian]

Do these people not realise that the cars aren't moving?!

One person in work only seemed to realise it wasn't live it by noticing how old the Google Maps data for Dublin was (until updated last year) - in that our office was a railway goods yard and the building where the local M&S is was a canal dock. So no, the lack of movement doesn't seem to phase them.

Maybe they think its like a webcam and updates every few minutes? Must never use it at night... actually, trying to rationalise this is making my head hurt.

 

[Postman Pat]

One person in work only seemed to realise it wasn't live it by noticing how old the Google Maps data for Dublin was (until updated last year) - in that our office was a railway goods yard and the building where the local M&S is was a canal dock. So no, the lack of movement doesn't seem to phase them.

Maybe they think its like a webcam and updates every few minutes? Must never use it at night... actually, trying to rationalise this is making my head hurt.

Have you got the email addresses for these people? I have some magic beans they may be interested in......

 

[Badger]

From an HR perspective, is throwing a small dog out of a window considered bad practice?

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

From an HR perspective, is throwing a small dog out of a window considered bad practice?

How high up is the window? If ground floor you could claim you were letting it get some fresh air.

If higher, set off the fire alarm and throw every dog out. If questioned you can say you were evacuating them as quickly as possible whilst ensuring that no-one trips over them on the stairs on the way out and that, in fact, you should be commended for your commitment to H&S practices.

 

[dazzer6666]

From an HR perspective, is throwing a small dog out of a window considered bad practice?

How high up, and open or closed ?

HR can't represent animals, so you're probably OK. Your elf and safety people may not be impressed though

 

[Badger]

How high up is the window? If ground floor you could claim you were letting it get some fresh air.

If higher, set off the fire alarm and throw every dog out. If questioned you can say you were evacuating them as quickly as possible whilst ensuring that no-one trips over them on the stairs on the way out and that, in fact, you should be commended for your commitment to H&S practices.

I'm on the ground floor but I do like your fire alarm idea. I actually have a hi-viz fire warden vest in one of my desk drawers (it's not mine, someone left it there), I'm thinking it would look more official if I put that on first and then "evacuated" the dog from the building.

How high up, and open or closed ?

HR can't represent animals, so you're probably OK. Your elf and safety people may not be impressed though

That's a good point, the dogs don't even have key fobs so they shouldn't be allowed to enter the building in the first place.

 

[dazzer6666]

I'm on the ground floor but I do like your fire alarm idea. I actually have a hi-viz fire warden vest in one of my desk drawers (it's not mine, someone left it there), I'm thinking it would look more official if I put that on first and then "evacuated" the dog from the building.



That's a good point, the dogs don't even have key fobs so they shouldn't be allowed to enter the building in the first place.

Visitors passes ?

 

[Badger]

Visitors passes ?

No they have nothing, it's a SERIOUS breach of company security policy.

 

[Norman Potting]

How high up is the window? If ground floor you could claim you were letting it get some fresh air.

If higher, set off the fire alarm and throw every dog out. If questioned you can say you were evacuating them as quickly as possible whilst ensuring that no-one trips over them on the stairs on the way out and that, in fact, you should be commended for your commitment to H&S practices.

Awaits Enrest thread about being hit on head by falling dogs.

 

[BlockDpete]

One of the Royal Mail offices I worked at years ago, actually had 2 cats on the payroll. For the purpose of catching vermin.

Not that they did that much.

See, cats have their uses....

 

[Guinness Boy]

28 year old woman who sits next to me was looking at Google maps and suddenly exclaimed “Bloody hell! Look where the Falkland Islands are!”
“Err… yeah. What’s your point?”
“I thought they were up here!” gesticulates to somewhere near Iceland.
“But… but… you know where Argentina is don’t you?”
“Yeah… err… somewhere over here?” gesticulates to somewhere near Scandinavia.
“Bloody hell, Emma, you’ve got a degree haven’t you?”
“Yeah, but…”
“What’s it in?”
“History”
“OK.” Deep breath. “What year did the second world war end?”
“19… 1942.”
“WHAT THE FU…”
“I was joking, I was joking. 1943”.

Please can I go home now?

F***ing hell.

 

[portslade seagull]

Some of the youngsters I talk to over the phone can hardly string a sentence together which is quite hard when they have called in with an issue they need assistance with. Also when checking notes on closed jobs most seem to spell it as they say it which is quite bad when customers can request access to all added notes

 

[Tarpon]

Right, I’ve only really scratched the surface of the numerous annoyances associated with L, the sighing woman.

The one that’s really getting to me at the moment is her going to the toilet routine. This is already troublesome given her inability to leave a room at the first attempt, already referred to above, and the peerless amount of faffing she’s capable of, but she’s developed a number of other idiosyncrasies related to her frequent evacuation trips which are causing me to gradually lose my grip on sanity.

So, to set the scene we work on a large university campus, which means that there are numerous toilet facilities within reach of our office. The nearest ladies’ is 30 seconds’ walk away, but is open to students and staff and thus of sometimes questionable hygiene. The male equivalent next door is my usual port of call and 9 times out of 10 is perfectly serviceable with a bit of judicious pre business clean up.

L however will never use this facility, and when questioned as to why will darkly murmur something about “blood on the seats” in a way which discourages further questioning. She instead seems determined to visit every facility on campus in a quest to find a loo which meets her exacting standards. She has been spotted exiting cubicles in buildings across the other side of campus, at least 20 minutes’ walk away from this office.

I know this because of another colleague who we shall call M. The office dynamic between L and M is very interesting, and may form the basis of a future post. Suffice it to say that they hate each others’ guts. M is very well connected, and has numerous friends throughout the campus. She regularly moans to these friends about L’s behaviour and personality, and they regularly report back sightings to M, which are conveyed to me (“Sharon saw L going to the loo in the Chemistry building this morning”) in a “what are you going to do about it?” sort of tone.

L meanwhile calls these friends “M’s spy network”, and is convinced that M has given orders that she be followed and reported on. She has cited this spy network as one of the reasons why she has to visit a different loo on each occasion “to shake them off”. Also she goes to the loo so often that she doesn’t want to be seen going to the same one twice unless people start to gossip about her.

So, each toilet break takes between 20 and 40 minutes, depending on how far she’s ranging on each particular occasion. This is coupled with the fact that she takes at least 5 such breaks a day.

Why am I interested in my female colleague's toilet routines you may ask? Only because I’m supposed to be her line manager, which means I’m supposed to get a reasonable amount of meaningful work out of her each day. So I’m left with a dilemma- either accept that she’s going to take at least 90 minutes every day urinating, or travelling to and fro between urinations (she’d never poo at work), or tackle her on the subject, thus leading to an uncomfortable conversation about her toilet habits which, given her hypochondria would inevitably be turned to her various “ailments” (she once told me “I’ve got tumours the size of melons pressing on me bladder”)and given her “deafness” would need to be conducted at full volume and involve endless repetition of the bits she didn’t want to hear.

Really, I just want a quiet life. I never asked for staff…

She's really taking the piss (too far). On a more serious note by doing nothing you are condoning her apparently wilful defrauding of the university...but you know that already. You've got to have it out with her - Good luck.

 

[Bodian]

We have this bloke at work that does not stop talking; he has nicknames such as the talking head and the echo.
If you explain anything relating to his job he repeats back to you what has been just said, and before you know it, you're confused to hell.
Sometimes it’s really infuriating, but on the plus side if you really want to annoy someone you can get this bloke talking, then subtly walk away leaving him spouting verbal diarrhoea to your intended victim.........classic

We had one bloke who used to come into our small office and just talk and talk. We could even leave the office entirely, and when we'd come back, he'd still be there. Talking. To no-one.

 

[Tarpon]

No they have nothing, it's a SERIOUS breach of company security policy.

'Trip' over one (witnessed) while it wanders about, bang your head, suffer concussion and complications, submit personal injuries claim. The dogs will exit. To pre support your claim submit a 'near miss' or 'hazard' warning anonymously to health & safety outlining the significant risks of dogs in the workplace and state that the warning needs to be recorded formally...OR...chuck them off the roof explaining they chased you up there as a pack and you had no choice.