Favourite one-liners from comedy sitcoms

Durlston

"Garlic bread!?"

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Jul 15, 2009

9,765

Haywards Heath

• Sep 12, 2016

• Thread starter
• #141

That was the series when Rodney pretended to live in a mansion to impress Cassandra.

"Oh it's just somewhere I get my head down."

Cas doesn't drive off after meeting her on a night out and Rodney goes to the front door very, very, very slowly. "Please drive off."

The owners see him near the door "Oh my God". Then it starts peeing it down. She drives off.

"COS-BLOODY-MIC!"

 

J

joeinbrighton

New member

Nov 20, 2012

1,853

Brighton

• Sep 12, 2016

• #142

Manuel: Please, which one is man with beard?

Manuel: Si, one moment. You are a hid...eous orang utan.

 

thedonkeycentrehalf

Retired

Jul 7, 2003

8,677

• Sep 12, 2016

• #143

Basil Fawlty: [seeing Manual with three trays] Manuel.
Manuel: ¿Si?
Basil Fawlty: [speaking slowly] There is too much butter on those trays.
Manuel: ¿Que?
Basil Fawlty: There is too much butter... on... those... trays.
Manuel: No. No, no, senor. Not... not "on... those... trays"... No, sir.
Manuel: [counting the trays instructively] "Uno, dos, tres".

 

Frutos

.

Helpful Moderator

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May 3, 2006

35,651

Northumberland

• Sep 12, 2016

• #144

"I was pissing by the door, when I heard two shats"

[yt]FJ3M8cj70vs[/yt]

 

beorhthelm

A. Virgo, Football Genius

Jul 21, 2003

35,350

• Sep 12, 2016

• #145

i am smoking a fag


(as i just found myself paraphrasing it. thats timeless).

 

J

joeinbrighton

New member

Nov 20, 2012

1,853

Brighton

• Sep 12, 2016

• #146

Trigger: Alright Del Boy?
Del: (Desperately pacing the floor) No, I'm not alright Trigger! I don't know what I'm gonna do! I just don't know what I'm gonna do!
Trigger: Hang on Del Boy, leave it to me! (Banging on cubicle door) Come on hurry up, we've got an emergency out here!

 

Lower West Stander

Well-known member

Mar 25, 2012

4,753

Back in Sussex

• Sep 13, 2016

• #147

I'd rather be a bus w*nker than drive around in that piece of yellow sh*t


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

S

stugbhafc1

Stuie G

Aug 4, 2011

445

Southwick

• Sep 13, 2016

• #148

From jolly boys outing
Del "When Raquel comes in she lights up the room"
Rodney "Most of your birds come in and light up a fag"

 

KingstonSeagull

New member

May 1, 2013

2,185

Shoreditch

• Sep 13, 2016

• #149

Kiss my face!

 

The Clamp

Well-known member

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Jan 11, 2016

24,630

West is BEST

• Sep 13, 2016

• #150

"Yeah, she was a big woman. I'm tempted to say big hearted but that would be bullshit"

 

KingstonSeagull

New member

May 1, 2013

2,185

Shoreditch

• Sep 13, 2016

• #151

beorhthelm said:

i am smoking a fag


(as i just found myself paraphrasing it. thats timeless).

Click to expand...

Is it not Avin a Faaag?

 

KingstonSeagull

New member

May 1, 2013

2,185

Shoreditch

• Sep 13, 2016

• #152

KingstonSeagull said:

Is it not Avin a Faaag?

Click to expand...

Nope just thought about it and you're right.

 

The Clamp

Well-known member

NSC Patron

Jan 11, 2016

24,630

West is BEST

• Sep 13, 2016

• #153

A sketch show not a sitcom but it made me roar at the time. Fast Show, Ted and Ralph.
Posh one (Ralph?) enters pub to find Ted and his mates are playing the game where you have to put the name of vegetable before each word. Ralph insists he has something to tell Ted but they all insist he says it by playing the game. Ralph looks apprehensive, gulps:
"Parsnip Ted, carrot your, swede mother, turnip is, potato dead"

Not sure I got the right veg but I thought it was brilliant.

 

Surf's Up

Well-known member

Jul 17, 2011

10,200

Here

• Sep 13, 2016

• #154

"Au contraire Blackadder" - as Melchitt reveals an enormous set of gold false breasts.

 

K

KVLT

New member

Sep 15, 2008

1,675

Rutland

• Sep 13, 2016

• #155

"I stand corrected," said the man in the orthopaedic shoes.

 

J

joeinbrighton

New member

Nov 20, 2012

1,853

Brighton

• Sep 13, 2016

• #156

Boycie: I remember a few years back when I had that important client coming over from Belgium and I was trying to get tickets to Wimbledon to impress him. You said "leave it to me Boycie, I gotta contact at Wimbledon".

Del: I got you two tickets.

Boycie: That's right! They drew nil-nil with Ipswich!

 

pasty

A different kind of pasty

Jul 5, 2003

30,374

West, West, West Sussex

• Sep 13, 2016

• #157

The Clamp said:

A sketch show not a sitcom but it made me roar at the time. Fast Show, Ted and Ralph.
Posh one (Ralph?) enters pub to find Ted and his mates are playing the game where you have to put the name of vegetable before each word. Ralph insists he has something to tell Ted but they all insist he says it by playing the game. Ralph looks apprehensive, gulps:
"Parsnip Ted, carrot your, swede mother, turnip is, potato dead"

Not sure I got the right veg but I thought it was brilliant.

Click to expand...

Not only did you not get the veg right, but the relationship as well. It was Ted's wife, not mother. Not a bad effort though

 

Dick Swiveller

Well-known member

Sep 9, 2011

9,174

• Sep 13, 2016

• #158

Muhammed 'im hard' Bruce Lee said:

not me pal...John Challis is a personal friend of mine

Click to expand...

Why did I read that with Dave Nice's voice? A young friend of mine.

 

pasty

A different kind of pasty

Jul 5, 2003

30,374

West, West, West Sussex

• Sep 13, 2016

• #159

Another OFAH classic, when Damien is born. Del comes rushing out the delivery room....

Del: She's done it. She's only gone and done it
Rodney: What is it?
Del: It's a baby

 

The Clamp

Well-known member

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Jan 11, 2016

24,630

West is BEST

• Sep 13, 2016

• #160

pasty said:

Not only did you not get the veg right, but the relationship as well. It was Ted's wife, not mother. Not a bad effort though

Click to expand...

Ha! Sounds about right. I suppose it is a 22 year old memory, considering the amount of booze ive consumed between now and then, I'll take that!!