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I can't decide. I one punched a shark's teeth out when it attacked my surf board but equally also I once shat all over a honey badger and kicked it straight into the mouth of a hungry hyena. It wasn't hard either.

I've just got back. It was good to see our Olympic heroes again. Andy Murray, Craig Bellamy and Bradley Wiggins all waved directly AT me when I waved at them. :thumbsup:

Luxury player As if anyone is picked for his ability to turn a ten nil win into an eleven nil win with a 30 yard screamer and can happily wave opposing players through dangerous areas at all other times. Whenever our players have done this down the years, fans and managers watching have gone...

With the new version, banned users are now able to see the message explaining why they are banned from Tapatalk. Previously the user received a generic message saying they couldn't connect to the server. And I know this because I am actually banned. I have simply been able to hack vBulletin's...

I shagged that bird out of Vexed two weeks ago. She told me I flirted my way into her knickers. On an unrelated note, I met the Queen yesterday. In my local pub.

Good to see Worcestershire making a fist of their match: Worcs 60 all out (FFS) and 151/5 (FFS) Warks 471/8 dec I played for Warks once. I made 350 not out.

To be fair , he's not claiming to be a winner in life. He is simply pointing to the elephant in the room: that you're not.

The other day I was in Stockholm and I shagged Susanna...Ah f*** it, I can't compete with you. I think you, me and Brad look quite similar though, don't you?

Nigel's Quiz Tall Palace.

I am buying 300 tomorrow for me and my mates.

I earn £350,000 a year. Plus bonus.

I often find myself wondering how many times per week the average married couple with kids will have sex. Personally, I have 3 kids and have probably averaged 7 times a week with my wife over the past decade. And another 5 times a week with my secretary.

I've jizzed on Phoebe's tits. And that ugly one out of Girls Aloud.

My mate is his agent and told me that he will be on around £14k a week at Brighton. And a free tank of petrol. He is going to be sponsored by the Skoda garage in Goring by Sea and will get a free car from them.

I bumped into him yesterday at the petrol station when I was filling up my moped. He told me he is going to sign Dimitar Berbatov as a straight swap for Scott Parker. He was eating a massive burger at the time.

I wrote the scripts for this series.

I applied for £43,000 worth of tickets for me. My girlfriend is in the American Olympic squad so I had no choice. Anyway, I got a bill for £41,000 which means I got most of what I asked for. I only went for the best seats, so I'm fairly certain I have seats for the 100m mens final, the...

I know that bloke. Let me have a word with him.

Thanks Phil. I had a football shirt which I am reliably informed was worth £800. It's the one Rudi Voeller was wearing when Frank Rijkaard gobbed on him. Some of the spit dripped off his perm and was still on the shirt when I owned it. You can have it for £30 if you make a £400 contribution...

Thanks, but I've never been away. My brother is Gary Hart.