Bell Cheeses at work

[Smirko]

Can't remember if this has been covered here but i'm throwing the 'Office heating' hat into the bell cheese ring -

Where I work there are a couple of young ladies who insist on having the office heating turned up full blast, have an old radiator they found in storage plonked right next to theirdesk again on full blast, and still feel the need to wear fleeces at their desk! OK in winter you need heating but this is all year round, it's like a sauna in there when i walk in, i swear if a lizard found it's way in to the office it would pack it's bags and turn around as it's so hot.

Don't even dare to turn the thermostat down a notch, they must have bat like radar as as soon as you click it down they appear out of nowhere screeching like banshees about how cold it is!

 

[dazzer6666]

Can't remember if this has been covered here but i'm throwing the 'Office heating' hat into the bell cheese ring -

Where I work there are a couple of young ladies who insist on having the office heating turned up full blast, have an old radiator they found in storage plonked right next to theirdesk again on full blast, and still feel the need to wear fleeces at their desk! OK in winter you need heating but this is all year round, it's like a sauna in there when i walk in, i swear if a lizard found it's way in to the office it would pack it's bags and turn around as it's so hot.

Don't even dare to turn the thermostat down a notch, they must have bat like radar as as soon as you click it down they appear out of nowhere screeching like banshees about how cold it is!

Has to be in the top 3 of office fall out causes.....

I used to work in a part of an office shared with another bloke and two 'executive PAs'. Every day was a constant battle - they go out, window gets opened, they come back, window gets closed, after much tutting and grumbling. At one point one of them sat at her desk in a coat, scarf and gloves waiting for the boss to ask why......she said her fingers had LITERALLY frozen and she could no longer type.....according to the thermometer on the wall it was 23 degrees C

 

[Cian]

I'm beginning to think that we might have good reason to return to gender-segregated offices. All other forms of bellcheesery seem to be equally problematic between the sexes but it is, generally, women who seem to find normal working temperatures freezing and like to work in saunas.

 

[Gwylan]

The conversation swiftly moved from not going to church to BJs (yes, that) before the question was asked "are Roman Catholics Christians?"

It doesn't take much of a leap of imagination to jump from BJs to Catholic priests TBH

Still, looks like you'll have some promising material there

 

[Ninja Elephant]

We're having an Easter celebration in the office today, so all of the non-working types have gone overboard on the decorating and food preparation and serving. It's a wonderful excuse for them not to have to worry about cracking on with some work, and I get fed so it's all good - except for the paella one of the Spanish girls has brought in. I flirt with this girl something chronic, it passes the day, so naturally I made a big deal of wanting a fair old portion of her homecooked grub. Unfortunately for me, it tastes like the floor and the chicken in it may have caused me lasting problems. If she wasn't wearing a shirt clearly too small for her, I'd have ended our association for the day at this blatant poisoning attempt - but she is, so it's forgiven.

I would also like to take a moment to introduce you all to the disaster sneezer. She erupts with the full force and volume of a volcano and ALWAYS seems amazed that she has sneezed, despite happening repeatedly all day. She's one of those that will sneeze too loudly, take a moment to really savour it and then apologise at volume for her latest eruption. A guy in her team left a few weeks ago and greeted (what he had hoped would be!) her final unnecessarily loud sneeze with "seriously, sort your trumpet out you shambles". I thought there would be more of a sympathetic reaction to his comments so I started applauding, but I was alone. It was an awkward afternoon from there, especially when she then sneezed at disgraceful volume just minutes later.

 

[Whitechapel]

I see many types of Bell Cheese posted in this thread, but I've never seen anybody post about a "Stupid Question Bellend." which is making me worried that I'm the only person afflicted with this curse.

I work in quite a large warehouse, but my department only has 8 people, and most of them are genuinely nice enough. However there's one bellend there who makes me want to cry. He's 20 years old, but has the mental age of a 6 year old. I'm guessing he's always been a complete moron but he's also a massive stoner which has just completely fried his brain beyond repair. Despite having the easiest job imaginable he moans constantly about having to do it, he takes 10 toilet breaks a day, some of them lasting 6/7 minutes. He spends half the day standing around doing nothing and takes every shortcut possible to make his job easier, even if it inconveniences everyone else. However, the thing that really winds me up is the constant stupid f*cking questions he asks me with a complete straight face;

"Matthew, you're tall. Would the Nazi's be scared of you?"
"Matthew, have you ever punched a lorry?"
"Matthew, would you win in a fight with a Lion?"
"Would you kill a dinosaur?"
"If an old lady was rude to you, would you stab her?"
"Do they have windows in Poland?"
"Do they have the same coloured trees in Bulgaria?"
"Did houses have windows when you were growing up?" (Aimed at someone in their mid/late 40's)
"Did you have Computers when you were at school?" (Aimed at me. I'd have been two years above him at school)
"Matthew, is the U before the E in your name?"

He'll also ask me if I'm okay about 20 times a day and if I don't reply he'll get offended and starting telling me that nobody at work likes me because I'm so rude. He's reported at least 3 people for bullying him, despite one of them being him telling a Bulgarian guy he sounded like an idiot when he spoke English and that everyone hated him to which the Bulgarian guy laughed. Oh and to top it off, yesterday about 5 minutes before work he decided his chest felt tight an he'd left his inhaler at home so asked if he could cycle back to get it... I don't even know what to say

He asks me every morning if I'm happy to see him and I'm very close to telling him the only time I'd be happy to see him is if I was asked to identify a body.

Edit: Almost forgot to mention a couple of other gems. He managed to injure himself once by walking backwards and falling over something. He was so high at the time that he had to ring in the next day to ask how he had injured himself because he couldn't remember. A few weeks later he rang up to say he wouldn't be in the next day because his cat needed an injection... The next day he turns up and doesn't remember making the call. If it wasn't for the fact nobody seems to care he'd have been fired 6 times over.

 

[scamander]

If Isis were serious they'd bring the UK to a standstill by resetting the thermostats in all the workplaces. I have had this issue at work recently, the temperature does fluctuate but sheesh, the exaggerations I've heard.

Whitechapel - some of those were Pilkington-esque!

 

[Sheebo]

I see many types of Bell Cheese posted in this thread, but I've never seen anybody post about a "Stupid Question Bellend." which is making me worried that I'm the only person afflicted with this curse.

I work in quite a large warehouse, but my department only has 8 people, and most of them are genuinely nice enough. However there's one bellend there who makes me want to cry. He's 20 years old, but has the mental age of a 6 year old. I'm guessing he's always been a complete moron but he's also a massive stoner which has just completely fried his brain beyond repair. Despite having the easiest job imaginable he moans constantly about having to do it, he takes 10 toilet breaks a day, some of them lasting 6/7 minutes. He spends half the day standing around doing nothing and takes every shortcut possible to make his job easier, even if it inconveniences everyone else. However, the thing that really winds me up is the constant stupid f*cking questions he asks me with a complete straight face;

"Matthew, you're tall. Would the Nazi's be scared of you?"
"Matthew, have you ever punched a lorry?"
"Matthew, would you win in a fight with a Lion?"
"Would you kill a dinosaur?"
"If an old lady was rude to you, would you stab her?"
"Do they have windows in Poland?"
"Do they have the same coloured trees in Bulgaria?"
"Did houses have windows when you were growing up?" (Aimed at someone in their mid/late 40's)
"Did you have Computers when you were at school?" (Aimed at me. I'd have been two years above him at school)
"Matthew, is the U before the E in your name?"

He'll also ask me if I'm okay about 20 times a day and if I don't reply he'll get offended and starting telling me that nobody at work likes me because I'm so rude. He's reported at least 3 people for bullying him, despite one of them being him telling a Bulgarian guy he sounded like an idiot when he spoke English and that everyone hated him to which the Bulgarian guy laughed. Oh and to top it off, yesterday about 5 minutes before work he decided his chest felt tight an he'd left his inhaler at home so asked if he could cycle back to get it... I don't even know what to say

He asks me every morning if I'm happy to see him and I'm very close to telling him the only time I'd be happy to see him is if I was asked to identify a body.

Edit: Almost forgot to mention a couple of other gems. He managed to injure himself once by walking backwards and falling over something. He was so high at the time that he had to ring in the next day to ask how he had injured himself because he couldn't remember. A few weeks later he rang up to say he wouldn't be in the next day because his cat needed an injection... The next day he turns up and doesn't remember making the call. If it wasn't for the fact nobody seems to care he'd have been fired 6 times over.

Absolutely BRILLIANT

 

[Sheebo]

"Matthew, you're tall. Would the Nazi's be scared of you?" Cracking.

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

He asks me every morning if I'm happy to see him and I'm very close to telling him the only time I'd be happy to see him is if I was asked to identify a body.

Wow

 

[BlockDpete]

Can't remember if this has been covered here but i'm throwing the 'Office heating' hat into the bell cheese ring -

Where I work there are a couple of young ladies who insist on having the office heating turned up full blast, have an old radiator they found in storage plonked right next to theirdesk again on full blast, and still feel the need to wear fleeces at their desk! OK in winter you need heating but this is all year round, it's like a sauna in there when i walk in, i swear if a lizard found it's way in to the office it would pack it's bags and turn around as it's so hot.

Don't even dare to turn the thermostat down a notch, they must have bat like radar as as soon as you click it down they appear out of nowhere screeching like banshees about how cold it is!

Time to bring out the Elf and Safety objection, as I'm sure there is a ruling that if the office temperature goes over a certain level, you can go home.

One office I work at had a fault with their heating, 27 degrees and no way of opening the windows......bloody horrible.

 

[Petee]

I see many types of Bell Cheese posted in this thread, but I've never seen anybody post about a "Stupid Question Bellend." which is making me worried that I'm the only person afflicted with this curse.

I work in quite a large warehouse, but my department only has 8 people, and most of them are genuinely nice enough. However there's one bellend there who makes me want to cry. He's 20 years old, but has the mental age of a 6 year old. I'm guessing he's always been a complete moron but he's also a massive stoner which has just completely fried his brain beyond repair. Despite having the easiest job imaginable he moans constantly about having to do it, he takes 10 toilet breaks a day, some of them lasting 6/7 minutes. He spends half the day standing around doing nothing and takes every shortcut possible to make his job easier, even if it inconveniences everyone else. However, the thing that really winds me up is the constant stupid f*cking questions he asks me with a complete straight face;

"Matthew, you're tall. Would the Nazi's be scared of you?"
"Matthew, have you ever punched a lorry?"
"Matthew, would you win in a fight with a Lion?"
"Would you kill a dinosaur?"
"If an old lady was rude to you, would you stab her?"
"Do they have windows in Poland?"
"Do they have the same coloured trees in Bulgaria?"
"Did houses have windows when you were growing up?" (Aimed at someone in their mid/late 40's)
"Did you have Computers when you were at school?" (Aimed at me. I'd have been two years above him at school)
"Matthew, is the U before the E in your name?"

He'll also ask me if I'm okay about 20 times a day and if I don't reply he'll get offended and starting telling me that nobody at work likes me because I'm so rude. He's reported at least 3 people for bullying him, despite one of them being him telling a Bulgarian guy he sounded like an idiot when he spoke English and that everyone hated him to which the Bulgarian guy laughed. Oh and to top it off, yesterday about 5 minutes before work he decided his chest felt tight an he'd left his inhaler at home so asked if he could cycle back to get it... I don't even know what to say

He asks me every morning if I'm happy to see him and I'm very close to telling him the only time I'd be happy to see him is if I was asked to identify a body.

Edit: Almost forgot to mention a couple of other gems. He managed to injure himself once by walking backwards and falling over something. He was so high at the time that he had to ring in the next day to ask how he had injured himself because he couldn't remember. A few weeks later he rang up to say he wouldn't be in the next day because his cat needed an injection... The next day he turns up and doesn't remember making the call. If it wasn't for the fact nobody seems to care he'd have been fired 6 times over.

Perhaps the best thing I've read on a lunch break!!! Hilarious!

 

[Norman Potting]

I see many types of Bell Cheese posted in this thread, but I've never seen anybody post about a "Stupid Question Bellend." which is making me worried that I'm the only person afflicted with this curse.

I work in quite a large warehouse, but my department only has 8 people, and most of them are genuinely nice enough. However there's one bellend there who makes me want to cry. He's 20 years old, but has the mental age of a 6 year old. I'm guessing he's always been a complete moron but he's also a massive stoner which has just completely fried his brain beyond repair. Despite having the easiest job imaginable he moans constantly about having to do it, he takes 10 toilet breaks a day, some of them lasting 6/7 minutes. He spends half the day standing around doing nothing and takes every shortcut possible to make his job easier, even if it inconveniences everyone else. However, the thing that really winds me up is the constant stupid f*cking questions he asks me with a complete straight face;

"Matthew, you're tall. Would the Nazi's be scared of you?"
"Matthew, have you ever punched a lorry?"
"Matthew, would you win in a fight with a Lion?"
"Would you kill a dinosaur?"
"If an old lady was rude to you, would you stab her?"
"Do they have windows in Poland?"
"Do they have the same coloured trees in Bulgaria?"
"Did houses have windows when you were growing up?" (Aimed at someone in their mid/late 40's)
"Did you have Computers when you were at school?" (Aimed at me. I'd have been two years above him at school)
"Matthew, is the U before the E in your name?"

He'll also ask me if I'm okay about 20 times a day and if I don't reply he'll get offended and starting telling me that nobody at work likes me because I'm so rude. He's reported at least 3 people for bullying him, despite one of them being him telling a Bulgarian guy he sounded like an idiot when he spoke English and that everyone hated him to which the Bulgarian guy laughed. Oh and to top it off, yesterday about 5 minutes before work he decided his chest felt tight an he'd left his inhaler at home so asked if he could cycle back to get it... I don't even know what to say

He asks me every morning if I'm happy to see him and I'm very close to telling him the only time I'd be happy to see him is if I was asked to identify a body.

Edit: Almost forgot to mention a couple of other gems. He managed to injure himself once by walking backwards and falling over something. He was so high at the time that he had to ring in the next day to ask how he had injured himself because he couldn't remember. A few weeks later he rang up to say he wouldn't be in the next day because his cat needed an injection... The next day he turns up and doesn't remember making the call. If it wasn't for the fact nobody seems to care he'd have been fired 6 times over.

10/10 apart from the "..do they have windows in Poland.." which scores 11. Are you sure he isn't some form of performance artist and you are in fact in some sort of covert reality TV show?

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

Oh the joys of working in the States…..

We are no longer able to just drink from the water fountain, oh no we have to use the plastic cups provided. An international incident nearly broke out when one of the Brits ignored the cups saying he considered it a waste of natural resources and proceeded to use said water fountain in the manner it was intended to be used. Cue a round or inter-office e mails listing rules and correct procedures (Yanks do love their rules) – surprised there was not a video demo attached.

Then there is another weirdo who insists on placing a paper towel on the door handle to the Gents toilet before he will use it – which then results in a stack of towels on the floor and complaints from the cleaners.

Only in America ……..

 

[Gwylan]

Time to bring out the Elf and Safety objection, as I'm sure there is a ruling that if the office temperature goes over a certain level, you can go home.

Sadly not, there's a minimum temperature but not a maximum one.
I too have worked in offices where my co-workers seem to think they're in a sauna. I shudder to think what their heating bills are like

 

[Uncle Buck]

Oh the joys of working in the States…..

We are no longer able to just drink from the water fountain, oh no we have to use the plastic cups provided. An international incident nearly broke out when one of the Brits ignored the cups saying he considered it a waste of natural resources and proceeded to use said water fountain in the manner it was intended to be used. Cue a round or inter-office e mails listing rules and correct procedures (Yanks do love their rules) – surprised there was not a video demo attached.

Then there is another weirdo who insists on placing a paper towel on the door handle to the Gents toilet before he will use it – which then results in a stack of towels on the floor and complaints from the cleaners.

Only in America ……..

Was he using it like this?

 

[Deleted User X18H]

I see many types of Bell Cheese posted in this thread, but I've never seen anybody post about a "Stupid Question Bellend." which is making me worried that I'm the only person afflicted with this curse.

I work in quite a large warehouse, but my department only has 8 people, and most of them are genuinely nice enough. However there's one bellend there who makes me want to cry. He's 20 years old, but has the mental age of a 6 year old. I'm guessing he's always been a complete moron but he's also a massive stoner which has just completely fried his brain beyond repair. Despite having the easiest job imaginable he moans constantly about having to do it, he takes 10 toilet breaks a day, some of them lasting 6/7 minutes. He spends half the day standing around doing nothing and takes every shortcut possible to make his job easier, even if it inconveniences everyone else. However, the thing that really winds me up is the constant stupid f*cking questions he asks me with a complete straight face;

"Matthew, you're tall. Would the Nazi's be scared of you?"
"Matthew, have you ever punched a lorry?"
"Matthew, would you win in a fight with a Lion?"
"Would you kill a dinosaur?"
"If an old lady was rude to you, would you stab her?"
"Do they have windows in Poland?"
"Do they have the same coloured trees in Bulgaria?"
"Did houses have windows when you were growing up?" (Aimed at someone in their mid/late 40's)
"Did you have Computers when you were at school?" (Aimed at me. I'd have been two years above him at school)
"Matthew, is the U before the E in your name?"

He'll also ask me if I'm okay about 20 times a day and if I don't reply he'll get offended and starting telling me that nobody at work likes me because I'm so rude. He's reported at least 3 people for bullying him, despite one of them being him telling a Bulgarian guy he sounded like an idiot when he spoke English and that everyone hated him to which the Bulgarian guy laughed. Oh and to top it off, yesterday about 5 minutes before work he decided his chest felt tight an he'd left his inhaler at home so asked if he could cycle back to get it... I don't even know what to say

He asks me every morning if I'm happy to see him and I'm very close to telling him the only time I'd be happy to see him is if I was asked to identify a body.

Edit: Almost forgot to mention a couple of other gems. He managed to injure himself once by walking backwards and falling over something. He was so high at the time that he had to ring in the next day to ask how he had injured himself because he couldn't remember. A few weeks later he rang up to say he wouldn't be in the next day because his cat needed an injection... The next day he turns up and doesn't remember making the call. If it wasn't for the fact nobody seems to care he'd have been fired 6 times over.

I would say from limited experience he sounds very much like he is on the autism spectrum.

Not that hysterical really

 

[WATFORD zero]

I see many types of Bell Cheese posted in this thread, but I've never seen anybody post about a "Stupid Question Bellend." which is making me worried that I'm the only person afflicted with this curse.

I work in quite a large warehouse, but my department only has 8 people, and most of them are genuinely nice enough. However there's one bellend there who makes me want to cry. He's 20 years old, but has the mental age of a 6 year old. I'm guessing he's always been a complete moron but he's also a massive stoner which has just completely fried his brain beyond repair. Despite having the easiest job imaginable he moans constantly about having to do it, he takes 10 toilet breaks a day, some of them lasting 6/7 minutes. He spends half the day standing around doing nothing and takes every shortcut possible to make his job easier, even if it inconveniences everyone else. However, the thing that really winds me up is the constant stupid f*cking questions he asks me with a complete straight face;

"Matthew, you're tall. Would the Nazi's be scared of you?"
"Matthew, have you ever punched a lorry?"
"Matthew, would you win in a fight with a Lion?"
"Would you kill a dinosaur?"
"If an old lady was rude to you, would you stab her?"
"Do they have windows in Poland?"
"Do they have the same coloured trees in Bulgaria?"
"Did houses have windows when you were growing up?" (Aimed at someone in their mid/late 40's)
"Did you have Computers when you were at school?" (Aimed at me. I'd have been two years above him at school)
"Matthew, is the U before the E in your name?"

He'll also ask me if I'm okay about 20 times a day and if I don't reply he'll get offended and starting telling me that nobody at work likes me because I'm so rude. He's reported at least 3 people for bullying him, despite one of them being him telling a Bulgarian guy he sounded like an idiot when he spoke English and that everyone hated him to which the Bulgarian guy laughed. Oh and to top it off, yesterday about 5 minutes before work he decided his chest felt tight an he'd left his inhaler at home so asked if he could cycle back to get it... I don't even know what to say

He asks me every morning if I'm happy to see him and I'm very close to telling him the only time I'd be happy to see him is if I was asked to identify a body.

Edit: Almost forgot to mention a couple of other gems. He managed to injure himself once by walking backwards and falling over something. He was so high at the time that he had to ring in the next day to ask how he had injured himself because he couldn't remember. A few weeks later he rang up to say he wouldn't be in the next day because his cat needed an injection... The next day he turns up and doesn't remember making the call. If it wasn't for the fact nobody seems to care he'd have been fired 6 times over.

From my limited experience, this person wouldn't be overweight, middle aged, bald and from Hangleton ?

Not funny at all

 

[Deleted User X18H]

From my limited experience, this person wouldn't be overweight, middle aged, bald and from Hangleton ?

Not funny at all

Some have us have managed to move away from council estates

 

[lawros left foot]

Some have us have managed to move away from council estates

And some of us haven't become pompous arses, on the way