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[Humour] Things that kids have said that made you laugh out loud


Active member
Jan 15, 2010
My son Richard age 5 was asked by his straight - laced aunt would he like biscuit. He replied "Yes". His aunt says to Richard " What is that little word beginning with P (meaning please). Richard replied" Piss". I didn't know whever to laugh or cry.


Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 10, 2003
A friend, who's wife decided that they would use the anatomical terms rather than the regular euphemisms for body parts.

Hence standing at a bus stop in a volume only a three year old can achieve. 'Look at that man Daddy, his trousers are so tight you can see his penis' :lolol:

Guinness Boy

Tofu eating wokerati
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patron
Jul 23, 2003
Up and Coming Sunny Portslade
My sister in law is quite potty mouthed, especially when driving. One day she braked hard to avoid a car in front with my three year old niece in the car seat in the back, who yelled “oh for F**KS sake, there goes bunny-bun”


A different kind of pasty
Jul 5, 2003
West, West, West Sussex
Waiting for a bus home from town, my young niece was pestering me for sweets. Her mum had specifically asked me not to get her any as she had plenty at home, so I told her no, I’m not buying you sweets because they’ll make you fat if you eat too many.

Cue a heavily pregnant woman joining the bus queue to whom my niece proudly exclaimed “I know what you’ve been doing”


Well-known member
Aug 19, 2011
One one occasion when the daughter was about three she kept saying to me "Daddy, Daddy, spiders are eating me" didn't have aclue what she meant, kept repeating it, eventually sussed out that she had pins and needles!.


Well-known member
NSC Patron
May 21, 2004
Many years ago, a young girl was being asked on local TV news about a rough area of town. Apparently, mum had told her “that’s where all the slugs and slats live”. I’m pretty sure the interviewer knew what her mother really said. :blush:


Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 10, 2003
Another 'friend' with a child of about 18 months, after two days of him holding his head and saying 'hurt' decided he needed to go to the Doctors.

The Doctor, having spent many years training for just such a situation suggested that child, with their hand on their head, was trying to say 'Hair' :facepalm:

5Ways Gull

È quello che è
Feb 2, 2009
Fiveways, Brighton
When my son had just started school we were out on a family trip with the kids in the back. We were stopped at some lights and he suddenly turned to his older sister and shouted "can I snog you!!". My wife went berserk about the use of the word snog, really telling him off. When she had calmed down I turned to her and said "so it's just the use of the word snog? You're not worried about the incest aspect?"


Well-known member
Aug 7, 2011
Burgess Hill
We were just potty training our daughter and she was getting used to knickers. One day whilst Mrs Spongy was driving home from nursery had the following conversation...

"Mummy, I need a poo"
"It's 20 minutes until we get home home so you need to clench and hold it in"
"OK poo, stay in my bum hole".

And another on the way to nursery, there is only on street parking at her work and can't normally get a space close to work so one day, she turned into the closest road in the hope there's be a space but there wasn't. So daughter at 3 years old clear as day sat in her booster turned around and slapped her hands palms up on her knees and said

"There's never anywhere to f***ing park here" and then let out a long sigh.

I found it hilarious but also telling of Mrs Spongys language when driving🤦


Well-known member
Aug 4, 2010
Last week I showed our granddaughter a picture of her Nan when she was aged 20 . My granddaughter looked seriously at her Nan and said ‘What happened Nana ?


Well-known member
Feb 25, 2016
My son, aged three or four was sitting with me in the office. I was working and he was trying to play a game where you have a headband on, with a plastic bee hanging off it. You bend down to pick up plastic marbles (it uses the magic of magnets). It's basically impossible, as the magnet connection is pathetically weak.

"f*** in sake"
"f*** in ng sake"
"Umm... I think that's... I don't like that word. Say 'fiddlesticks'"
"I carrrrrnt"
"Say oh poop poops?"
<long pause as he smiles to himself>
"No I'm doing f*** ing sake"
"Oh gosh"

Boys 9d

Well-known member
Jan 3, 2012
Having returned from his Primary School, my son was asked what he had had for his school dinner. After a little thought he replied tea bags with meat in them. My wife and I knew exactly what he was describing.


Living the dream
Apr 23, 2015
Shoreham Beaaaach
When my youngest was just starting school, so about 4-5 yo, Mrs B was dropping her off at school in the normal school rush to get to work

A parent was not being quick enough for my Mrs to drop their daughter off and move along, so my Mrs called the other parent a 'bloody idiot ' whilst in the car waiting for the space to free up.

My daughter promptly told the other child 'my mummy thinks your daddy is a bloody idiot'. The other child then told the parent that Miss B Jr's mummy thinks that you're a bloody idiot.

My Mrs was accosted by the other mum several days later and a had to do a decent amount of grovelling.


Well-known member
Jan 13, 2010
BGC Manila
When the Harry Potter films first came out I was teaching a highly special needs boy with autism plus, to swim. He was ‘riding on his broom’ as a warm up and then later was playing a game of Quidditch hunting under water (putting his face in let alone fully under was something he usually couldn’t do, but this was fun). Sadly instead of constantly announcing he was looking for the golden snitch as an explanation, he kept excitedly calling to everyone that he was hunting for the golden snatch! Then diving under, around and as good as through laughing and happy adult’s legs.


Well-known member
Sep 29, 2007
At Brighton races many years ago - my Mum used to take us - my Gran was into racing big time.
We used to go with my slightly elder cousin. She had a particularly loud voice.
Sometimes we would go around to the starting stalls.
One day, we were standing at the rails as the jockeys circled their mounts before being loaded into the stalls.
As one pretty famous rider circled very close to us, my Mother said - “ooh look, there’s Lester Pigott”
My cousin exclaimed loudly - “what, the man or the ‘orse”?
His face was a picture!!


I've changed this
Nov 1, 2017
After being cut up by another car once, my friend's 5 year old simply said 'F***ing c***.' :oops:


Well-known member
When my sister was about 6 we were all sat round watching the football results. Suddenly she said in a loud voice "are there two Bristol's?". Took me a few years to understand why mum and dad found it so funny.

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