Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Check out the post-match interviews tonight - Sven has a BRUISE on his left cheek. Clearly someone has given that swedish gimp a well deserved right-hander across the chops recently. But who was the attacker ? Lets analyse the possibilities, then YOU decide....
Nancy
Surely the favourite. Sven has been waving his pork sword at anything in a skirt for years now. That fiery Italian temperament of hers was just waiting to EXPLODE, and if anyone was going to give it, Nancy would. She has a vicious looking ring as well.
Faria Alam
The lowly secretary so callously used, abused and discarded by Sven. He parked his Volvo in her garage, and then dropped her quicker than Alan Thompson. Came out with the immortal line: "I didn't expect it to blow up in my face...". Indeed. Admits she's still in love with the softly-spoken slaphead, but has given up all hope of wrestling him from the alarmingly aging Nancy. A parting shot perhaps ?
Mark Palios
Possibilities here. Palios's man-juice had barely dried from Faria's dusky thighs before Sven steamed in for his portion of sloppy seconds. Has since had to endure embarrassing claims that Sven flicked the bean better than he ever could, and he has lost his job in the deal as well. A bitter man, and who can blame him ?
Ulrika Jonsson
Ancient history perhaps, but a woman scorned rarely forgives or forgets. Ulrika's ankles have spent so long apart its rumoured they have become pen friends, but she undoubtedly considers herself easier on the eyes than Nancy, and she's probably right. However, when push came to shove, Sven zipped up his flies and went running back to his Italian mistress...ouch, thats GOTTA hurt.
David Beckham
Bit of an outsider perhaps, as Sven and David suck each other off publically for a living (metaphorically speaking). But lets not forget how much Becks loves making all the headlines, and since the Euro's, his International manager has certainly trumped him on that front. And would anyone be all that surprised if Svens busy hands hadn't wandered towards Posh's gusset at some point during one of those dull FA dinners ? A swift Beckham Bitchslap is surely a possibility.
Tord Grip
Again, another outsider perhaps. But Tord clearly has strong feelings for Sven. They've been through a lot together - shared saunas, forraged in the snow, sung swedish folk songs with Tord furiously strumming on his Uberklasten. Maybe it's all got to be too much for "Gripper", and he's tried to knock some sense into his soul-mate before he costs them both their jobs. Worth a punt ? Maybe.
OK, you've read the prime suspects, now its time to decide. Who slapped Sven ? Cast your votes and lets have the official NSC verdict.
Nancy
Surely the favourite. Sven has been waving his pork sword at anything in a skirt for years now. That fiery Italian temperament of hers was just waiting to EXPLODE, and if anyone was going to give it, Nancy would. She has a vicious looking ring as well.
Faria Alam
The lowly secretary so callously used, abused and discarded by Sven. He parked his Volvo in her garage, and then dropped her quicker than Alan Thompson. Came out with the immortal line: "I didn't expect it to blow up in my face...". Indeed. Admits she's still in love with the softly-spoken slaphead, but has given up all hope of wrestling him from the alarmingly aging Nancy. A parting shot perhaps ?
Mark Palios
Possibilities here. Palios's man-juice had barely dried from Faria's dusky thighs before Sven steamed in for his portion of sloppy seconds. Has since had to endure embarrassing claims that Sven flicked the bean better than he ever could, and he has lost his job in the deal as well. A bitter man, and who can blame him ?
Ulrika Jonsson
Ancient history perhaps, but a woman scorned rarely forgives or forgets. Ulrika's ankles have spent so long apart its rumoured they have become pen friends, but she undoubtedly considers herself easier on the eyes than Nancy, and she's probably right. However, when push came to shove, Sven zipped up his flies and went running back to his Italian mistress...ouch, thats GOTTA hurt.
David Beckham
Bit of an outsider perhaps, as Sven and David suck each other off publically for a living (metaphorically speaking). But lets not forget how much Becks loves making all the headlines, and since the Euro's, his International manager has certainly trumped him on that front. And would anyone be all that surprised if Svens busy hands hadn't wandered towards Posh's gusset at some point during one of those dull FA dinners ? A swift Beckham Bitchslap is surely a possibility.
Tord Grip
Again, another outsider perhaps. But Tord clearly has strong feelings for Sven. They've been through a lot together - shared saunas, forraged in the snow, sung swedish folk songs with Tord furiously strumming on his Uberklasten. Maybe it's all got to be too much for "Gripper", and he's tried to knock some sense into his soul-mate before he costs them both their jobs. Worth a punt ? Maybe.
OK, you've read the prime suspects, now its time to decide. Who slapped Sven ? Cast your votes and lets have the official NSC verdict.
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