Robot Chicken
Seriously?
I have just been ORDAINED as a MINISTER in the Universal Life Church.
I am now able to perform MARRIAGES and FUNERALS...but not CIRCUMCISIONS.
I am now able to perform MARRIAGES and FUNERALS...but not CIRCUMCISIONS.
WELCOME to the UNIVERSAL LIFE CHURCH
Reverend
Simon
The Universal Life Church has sent your application for ordination from ULC MONASTERY in Tucson, Arizona to Modesto, California. Providing that you filled out the form properly with your legal first and last name, it will be approved and entered into the International Database of the Ministry of the Church, whose numbers are in excess of 20 million ordained ministers worldwide.
The Universal Life Church has only two tenets (beliefs/doctrine):
• to promote freedom of religion and
• to do that which is right.
It is the responsibility of the individual to determine what is right as long as it does not infringe on the rights of others and is within the law.
As a minister with the ULC, its own denomination, you are granted the following rights:
• To perform marriages within your state, following the rules laid out by the state in which you wish to perform said marriage.
• To perform funerals, baptisms, last rites or any other sort of legal ceremony or ritual you wish to perform, except circumcision
• To start a church of your own, be it a bricks and mortar building or on the internet.
• To absolve others of their sins as you have been absolved of yours.
ABOUT THE MONASTERY
Becoming ordained is merely the first step on your road to being a minister. There are still many things to learn and experience before you can fully function as a minister. On the Monastery site, www.ulc.org, you will find training materials, sermons, courses and much more. Once a week, Daniel Zimmerman, (the president of the Monastery) posts his weekly sermon for your enjoyment and education. Throughout the week, we invite others to submit sermons of either a religious or spiritual nature to be posted on the site as well. If you'd like to submit a sermon for consideration, you may do so by sending it in the body of the e-mail to guestsermon@ulc.org.
As a new minister, you will also be receiving a monthly newsletter that will give you useful ministerial tips, a free ceremony sample and the special of the month. You may also receive other announcements periodically to let you know about what's going on. You're invited to chat with other ministers and join our Forum. We have an FAQ page that may help you with many of your ministry questions. If answers can't be found, please feel free to contact us here with your questions.
Once you are ordained in the ULC, you are ordained for life../... unless you, yourself, write and renounce your ordination. No one can take it from you. Ordination as a "REVEREND" is necessary to solemnize marriages, so if you ask for a title alone, that is not sufficient../... YOU MUST BE ORDAINED! While records are kept for life, if you know someone who was ordained prior to 1980, it is recommended that they become re-ordained through the website to ensure that they will be in the current database.
You must provide your online ordination date, name and mailing address. The service is provided FREE.
Before performing your first marriage, please review the marriage training information so you are aware of how to sign the marriage license and what to do with it. When you perform a wedding, you are responsible for knowing how to take care of the legal aspects of it. If you have any questions about the legalities of performing weddings in your area, please contact your local County Clerk. Their office should be able to answer all your questions.
Sincerely,
Brother Daniel
*** The church realizes that this new legal status as an ordained minister is difficult to realize. It is almost too good to be true - but it is. In St. John 15:16 it states that God chose you, not the other way around. Your ordination is of God from before the foundation of the earth - according to the Bible. You are not required to believe this, it is offered only as one source of your seeking ordination. It is the responsibility of the Church and the duty of the Monastery to assist you in your new ministry whatever it may be as long as it complies with the two tenets of the ULC: to promote freedom of religion and to do that which is right and within the law.
