Fatboy and Turkey phoned me last night, about 1am. First of all just to sing
"D-T-E-S, D-T-E-S, D-T-E-S, D-T-E-S,"
Er, no lads. I'm Hantseagull now. Cue:
"Hantseagull - pants pants pants, Hantseagull - pants pants pants"
Then wanted to know if I was going to Hartlepool. No, I'm not, not prepared to make that journey twice in 4 days:
"We're going to Hartlepool, We're going to Hartlepool - you're not, you're not. We're going to Hartlepool, We're going to Hartlepool - you're not, you're not."
"We're up north, We're up north - you're not, you're not. We're up north, We're up north - you're not, you're not.
This seemed to be a tune they quite liked.
"We're very drunk, We're very drunk - you're not, you're not...."
Until I told them that in fact, I was. Hence
"We're very drunk, We're very drunk - so are you, so are you..."
Then told me that
"Small town near Pompey, you're just a small town near Pompey.."
and
"Small town near Taunton, you're just a small town near Taunton"
The last one scared me. Over summer, I did indeed work in a small town, near another town called Taunton. However, Taunton is so mindbogglingly irrelevant I can't think why I'd have ever mentioned it. So how did they know? I'm feeling quite stalked. I did ask them, to which they just replied:
"Taunton in Somerset, Taunton in Somerset, Taunton in Somerset" (to the tune of we want our trophy back)
One more important question though. If I'm not going to Hartlepool, is my Dad going? No, but why I asked. This was a (apparently obviously) stupid question. To the tune of "We want our trophy back":
"Your dads got more hair than you, Your dads got more hair than you, Your dads got more hair than you, Your dads got more hair than you."
I tried to tell them the great news, that I may be getting hold of a season ticket. This just resulted in Turkey demanding to know exactly why I was going fishing. At this point I thought it best to leave them to it, and hung up. I'm sure they got some quality looks in whatever club they were in.
Fatboy and Turkey:
"D-T-E-S, D-T-E-S, D-T-E-S, D-T-E-S,"
Er, no lads. I'm Hantseagull now. Cue:
"Hantseagull - pants pants pants, Hantseagull - pants pants pants"
Then wanted to know if I was going to Hartlepool. No, I'm not, not prepared to make that journey twice in 4 days:
"We're going to Hartlepool, We're going to Hartlepool - you're not, you're not. We're going to Hartlepool, We're going to Hartlepool - you're not, you're not."
"We're up north, We're up north - you're not, you're not. We're up north, We're up north - you're not, you're not.
This seemed to be a tune they quite liked.
"We're very drunk, We're very drunk - you're not, you're not...."
Until I told them that in fact, I was. Hence
"We're very drunk, We're very drunk - so are you, so are you..."
Then told me that
"Small town near Pompey, you're just a small town near Pompey.."
and
"Small town near Taunton, you're just a small town near Taunton"
The last one scared me. Over summer, I did indeed work in a small town, near another town called Taunton. However, Taunton is so mindbogglingly irrelevant I can't think why I'd have ever mentioned it. So how did they know? I'm feeling quite stalked. I did ask them, to which they just replied:
"Taunton in Somerset, Taunton in Somerset, Taunton in Somerset" (to the tune of we want our trophy back)
One more important question though. If I'm not going to Hartlepool, is my Dad going? No, but why I asked. This was a (apparently obviously) stupid question. To the tune of "We want our trophy back":
"Your dads got more hair than you, Your dads got more hair than you, Your dads got more hair than you, Your dads got more hair than you."
I tried to tell them the great news, that I may be getting hold of a season ticket. This just resulted in Turkey demanding to know exactly why I was going fishing. At this point I thought it best to leave them to it, and hung up. I'm sure they got some quality looks in whatever club they were in.
Fatboy and Turkey:
