The Beer Man
New member
Need a few ZAR Jokes Clean if possable i am being killed by 4 SA in the office today and i have no come backs. Ps any one watchin the ruger b4 the match
and where
and where
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Eng Vs Zar Jokes
- Thread starter The Beer Man
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The Beer Man
New member
- Thread starter
- #2
there killin me man help!!!!!!!!!!
Reading Posh
Sophisticated rhetorician
Yeah, me too - there are 8 of the fekkers in my office
Mind you, I'm really looking forward to Monday morning after we've kicked their arses
watsongooal
New member
Can we have the words to the song please.
Have two here
Have two here
I've Never met A Nice South African - sung by Spitting Image
I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru
I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Tinbuktu
I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yetti in Nepal
And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall
I've met the King of China and a working Yorkshire miner
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant b***tards
Who hate black people
I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait
I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late
I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool
I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school
I've met a normal merman and a fairly modest German
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers
Who smell like baboons
I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings
I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings
I've seen a flying pig in a quite convincing wig
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
With no sense of humour - ha ha
I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire
At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire
I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies
I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies
I've had a nice pot noodle but I've never had a poodle
And I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
Because we've never met one either
Except for Breyten Breytenbach and he's emigrated to Paris. (farts)
Yes he's quite a nice South African
And he's hardly ever killed anyone
And he's not smelly at all.
That's why they put him prison.
I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru
I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Tinbuktu
I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yetti in Nepal
And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall
I've met the King of China and a working Yorkshire miner
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant b***tards
Who hate black people
I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait
I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late
I know a public swimming bath where they don't piss in the pool
I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school
I've met a normal merman and a fairly modest German
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers
Who smell like baboons
I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings
I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings
I've seen a flying pig in a quite convincing wig
But I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
With no sense of humour - ha ha
I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire
At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire
I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies
I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies
I've had a nice pot noodle but I've never had a poodle
And I've never met a nice South African.
No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
Because we've never met one either
Except for Breyten Breytenbach and he's emigrated to Paris. (farts)
Yes he's quite a nice South African
And he's hardly ever killed anyone
And he's not smelly at all.
That's why they put him prison.
Italiaseagull
New member
Sing either of these to them
"Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Nelson Mandela!"
"You always run from the Rorke's Drift, run from the Rorke's Drift"
"Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Nelson Mandela!"
"You always run from the Rorke's Drift, run from the Rorke's Drift"
A white South African millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday. He's so happy, he even invites his favourite black slave, erm I mean labourer, to be a guest. Of course, the black man is delighted at this if a little uneasy about being surrounded by Afrikaners with no other black guest in sight, and he sets about thoroughly enjoying the party along with the rest of the guests.
During this party the millionaire grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is the black labourer and he is swimming as hard as he can. The fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him but he reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked.
The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferrari or my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen."
"So what will it be?" the millionaire asks. The black man grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!"
During this party the millionaire grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is the black labourer and he is swimming as hard as he can. The fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going. The sharks are gaining on him but he reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked.
The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferrari or my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen."
"So what will it be?" the millionaire asks. The black man grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!"
Reading Posh
Sophisticated rhetorician
Quality
Just sent a career limiting email to all staff including our SA parent company
Italiaseagull
New member
Simster said:
Lammy
Registered Abuser
Here's a good one that kills two birds with one stone!
There were three blokes sitting out side a pub in London enjoying a pint. An Austrailian, a South African and a Londoner. They're sitting around chatting when suddenly the Australian finishes beer, throws the glass up in the air a shots it. He says, "In Austrailia we have soooo much sand we never need to drink from the same glass twice!". The other two shrug their shoulders and carry on drinking. A moment later the South African finishes his pint, throws his glass in the air and shoots it. He says, "In South Africa, we have soooo many diamonds that we can afford never to drink from the same glass twice". Again the other two are un moved by this. Then the Londoner finishes his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls two guns from his pockets and shots the other two dead. He stood up and said, "Well here in London, we have soooo many Austrailians and South Africans I don't need to drink with the same one twice!"
There were three blokes sitting out side a pub in London enjoying a pint. An Austrailian, a South African and a Londoner. They're sitting around chatting when suddenly the Australian finishes beer, throws the glass up in the air a shots it. He says, "In Austrailia we have soooo much sand we never need to drink from the same glass twice!". The other two shrug their shoulders and carry on drinking. A moment later the South African finishes his pint, throws his glass in the air and shoots it. He says, "In South Africa, we have soooo many diamonds that we can afford never to drink from the same glass twice". Again the other two are un moved by this. Then the Londoner finishes his beer, throws his glass in the air, pulls two guns from his pockets and shots the other two dead. He stood up and said, "Well here in London, we have soooo many Austrailians and South Africans I don't need to drink with the same one twice!"
Lammy said:He stood up and said, "Well here in London, we have soooo many Austrailians and South Africans I don't need to drink with the same one twice!"
oh yes thats so humurous...
You haven't had the misfortune to bump into my old boss have you tedebear? Her name is Jacalene (yes complete with ridiculous crap spelling of her name), she has gawky eyes and a fat arse.
If that's not enough, she thinks she's great and will gladly tell anyone that can be arsed to listen that Australia is a maaaarvellous place. And like all Sydney-siders, her shit doesn't stink and she has the obligatory photo of Sydney harbour bridge as wallpaper on her PC.
Basically, she's the worst Australia can offer. Why the fat arsed bitch doesn't just put on a cork rimmed hat, pack her boomerang and didgerydoo and bugger off home, I'll never know. And she know's f***-all about football as well, yet after you beat us at Upton Park, she was suddenly mates with half the away end.
If that's not enough, she thinks she's great and will gladly tell anyone that can be arsed to listen that Australia is a maaaarvellous place. And like all Sydney-siders, her shit doesn't stink and she has the obligatory photo of Sydney harbour bridge as wallpaper on her PC.
Basically, she's the worst Australia can offer. Why the fat arsed bitch doesn't just put on a cork rimmed hat, pack her boomerang and didgerydoo and bugger off home, I'll never know. And she know's f***-all about football as well, yet after you beat us at Upton Park, she was suddenly mates with half the away end.
he he I know where you worked now....
never met her but I tell you what, theres a few Australians around here who should be put in a boat and left to row their own way home... a boomerang and didgeridoo would be too good for the likes of her from the sounds of it....
never met her but I tell you what, theres a few Australians around here who should be put in a boat and left to row their own way home... a boomerang and didgeridoo would be too good for the likes of her from the sounds of it....