[Misc] Death of a close relative at Christmas

[Rambo]

Lost my Mum and Dad either side of Christmas 2 years ago. Still hurts like mad. Having to try and be happy at this time of year for my kids is really hard but I have to do it.

 

[Al Bion]

Lost my mum the week before Christmas three years ago. It’s really hard, any loss seems to be exacerbated at Christmas especially when they’re a major part of your family. Sorry for your loss @PeterT, I hope you can use happy memories of your uncle to help you through this Christmas.

 

[Paulie Gualtieri]

Firstly, Sorry for your loss.

Lost my dad mid December last year to cancer way too young.

Feels weirder this year as threw myself in the work of helping my mum sort the cremation and finances last year so first one to fully feel it.

As others have said, keep yourself busy, don’t dwell and focus on the good times you had.

 

[jakarta]

23rd anniversary of Father-in-Law today, Mrs Jakarta going to St Mary's to look at the Book of Remembrance and have a quiet thought.

Have to say I didn't get on like a house on fire with Les, but respected him for his time in Guards Armoured in WWII and also his many years Civic Service as a HDC District Councillor.

Was a weird Christmas to say the least, arranging a funeral/wake between Christmas and New Year. He had a very good turnout with British Legion and HDC people as well as friends and relatives.

 

[Eric the meek]

Please accept my condolences.

It doesn't seem like it at the moment, but time does heal. In time, the grief will subside to be replaced with fond memories.

 

[Simster]

I lost a brother on this day in 1982. He was only 6 months old but I still think about him every time this day comes around.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

It's too early to start being rational, @PeterT . However.....

It has saddened me to hear from people who can't ever celebrate Christmas because it reminds them of the passing of a loved one. I don't have any major issues with Christmas of that sort, but it is easy for me to feel wistful, regretful and sad. I have found techniques to get round that, the best of which is to make Christmas nice for the family, especially the kids.

Next year and thereafter, if you wish to mark the passing, why not make time to celebrate his life?

 

[British Bulldog]

It's fair to say I'm not a fan of December, over the years I've lost 5 family members during the month. My Mum, Dad, one of my Brothers and 2 nephews.

 

[PILTDOWN MAN]

It's ten years this year that I lost mum and dad either side of Christmas, also the first year since my wife died in Jan.

It's going to be hard this year. I've always liked Christmas with the family at home, always done all the cooking so this year it will be the same so to speak. All my children and grandchildren will be with me over Christmas Day and Boxing Day. It will probably be harder for them than me if honest as I will be kept busy.

 

[portlock seagull]

When you lose someone that close, it matters not really what time of year it is. There’s so much pressure to have fun at Christmas, as per the commercialisation of, but frankly it’s all bollocks - remind yourself of this, and simply grieve (as is your right / normal) and forget about trying to pretend for anyone else or even yourself that you should be merry and full of tinsel. What matters is you, and you’ve experienced an almighty live changing event so do whatever you feel like, and feel however you do. If that means feeling sad and melancholy that’s totally normal. As is getting plastered. We all react differently and you’re now on a roller coaster of emotions so be kind to yourself. And don’t make the mistake of equating feeling bereaved and miserable with the spirit of Scrooge just because time of year. Totally different things ie you can choose to be the latter, what you’re feeling at the moment is almost certainly outside your control. I feel for you, it’s devastating losing someone that close.

 

[wunt be druv]

I sadly lost my father, Old man Wunt be Druv, on the run up to Christmas and it was bloody awful, but now I raise a glass to him and remember the good times, I know it sounds a bit of a cliché but it is my way of coping with his loss, there is always that empty space but I just accept it and try to embrace the happy memories, he is gone, those memories are of a time past, but I have my life now with my family and I am my Dad to my children and wife and strive to make happy memories for them about me when I depart this world, we all handle grief in our own way, there is no right or wrong way, just do as you feel you need to, trust yourself and your own instincts.

 

[Questions]

My sister still puts the last present she bought for my late dad who died on the 21st Dec 1991….. under her tree every year. Try and relish the memories when the wounds heal a tad.

 

[Sirnormangall]

Sorry to hear of your loss. My parents died some time ago but I still feel the loss.It’s particularly difficult at a time of year that most of us are lucky enough to look back on with fond memories of happy family get togethers. It won’t be an easy time over the next few weeks and months but I hope you have a good network of friends and family to support you. Best of all, you will always have those great memories - keep your list as a reminder and I’m sure it will be easier to read it as the years pass.

 

[Publius Ovidius]

Been a very strange life changing year really With redundancy, retirement, fab holidays, mum in law having severe dementia, losing mum and our cat undergoing life changing operation to try and remove all her “ breast cancer” and being told she has either weeks, months or possibly god willing a year.

I lost my mum at the end of September which was totally unexpected. Always heard about getting a call from the police, but never thought I was going to get one! Horrible experience.

Sorry for your loss PeterT.

 

[lawros left foot]

This Christmas eve will be the 10th anniversary of my dad's passing. On Christmas morning I was supposed to be collecting he and my mum to come over for lunch, instead i was collecting my brother from the airport. Everyone else was so happy that loved ones had made it for Christmas. Not us. It still hurts.

My Dad died on the 12 December ten years ago. We were asked if we would like the funeral on Christmas Eve, after a family discussion we agreed we’d like it anywhen but then as the date would be forever remembered as Dads funeral date.
Luckily there was a cancellation before then, so he was cremated on the 18th.
I’m sorry for your loss.

I still think of my Dad every day.

 

[PeterT]

Thank you all for your kind words and sorry also to those who are going through, or remembering, something similar at this time of the year.

Because of the time of year there seems no chance that we can arrange the funeral or other things quickly so it prolongs things a bit. He took me to my first ever Test Match at the Oval so I paid for a small plaque on their wall that I’ll see whenever I go there, just trying to find little things that help.

Best wishes to you all for Christmas and here’s to a happier 2023.

 

[ozzygull]

Mum past away this November, we had the funeral on the 6th December, it was a year ago yesterday she had a fall was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and spent her last year in a Nursing home. It is the first Christmas I have not spent with her and it hurts like hell. Finished work last Friday and it has given me time to process the last year.

Sorry for your loss.

 

[Beach Hut]

My Mum passed away this year a day before her 93rd Birthday in July, very sad and poignant with my Dad now really struggling. Seriously old age can be no fun at all but sadly something that has to be dealt with.

 

[Ringmer Seagull]

Lost my dad a few weeks ago. Was dreading Christmas to be honest. In fact , for me and mum, it wasnt as bad as we had feared……it helped having lots of family around and focusing on the positives and the happy memories. But I miss him so much , sometimes I think I am on top of it and then it hits me like being run over by a truck and for a minute or two my emotions are in free fall. It will no doubt get better but right now I am taking each day as it comes. Much love to anyone else going through it.