Shopping at via this link helps to support NSC

Alan Partridge Quotes

Welcome to North Stand Chat - the biggest and best Brighton & Hove Albion fan site.

Go on - join - you know you want to! (Pssst: you'll get fewer ads too!)

KingstonSeagull

Members
May 1, 2013
2,185
Shoreditch
Just a thread of Alan Partridge quotes....

I will start it off with:

"Hand me the apple pie and remove yourself from the theatre of conflict"

im-alan-patridge-logo.jpg
 


AmexRuislip

Longing for retirement.
Feb 2, 2014
30,993
Ruislip
“’Sunday Bloody Sunday’. What a great song. It really encapsulates the frustration of a Sunday, doesn't it? You wake up in the morning, you've got to read all the Sunday papers, the kids are running round, you've got to mow the lawn, wash the car, and you think ‘Sunday, bloody Sunday!
 

Paul Reids Sock

Members
Nov 3, 2004
4,447
Paul Reids boot
If you see a lovely field with a family having a picnic, and there's a nice pond in it, you fill in the pond with concrete, you plough the family into the field, you blow up the tree, and use the leaves to make a dress for your wife who's also your brother.
 

KingstonSeagull

Members
May 1, 2013
2,185
Shoreditch
"Big Yellow Taxi there by Joni Mitchell, a song in which she complains that they 'paved paradise to put up a parking lot' - a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise. Something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn't quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world. Nevertheless, nice song."
 


Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
60,058
Location Location
"Hello is that Curry's? I'd like to place an order for two supplementary auxiliary speakers to go with my Midi Hi-Fi system, apropos achieving surround sound. Apropos...it's Latin. You've got to have a basic grasp of Latin if you're working in.......Curry's. Oh you've got them, excellent. One last thing, what time do you knock-off? Fancy going for a drink? No? Sorry, just thought I'd ask".
 

Nathan

Members
Jan 8, 2010
3,654
"In my mind God made Adam and Eve, he didn't make Adam and Steve."

"Got my fungal foot powder? Ah, it's a lifesaver, you know. I'd effectively be disabled if it weren't for these."

"Hi Susan. I was a bit bored so I dismantled my Corby Trouser Press. I can't put it back together again. Will that show up on my bill?"
 

Wilko

LUZZING chairs about
Sep 19, 2003
9,910
BN1
Do you know what this bathroom says to me? Aqua. Which is French for water. It's like being inside an enormous Fox's Glacier Mint. Which, again, to me is a bonus.
 

dolphins

Members
Jan 26, 2012
3,566
BN1, in GOSBTS
"All this wine nonsense! You get all these wine people, don't you? Wine this, wine that. Let's have a bit of red, let's have a bit of white. Ooh, that's a snazzy bouquet. Oh, this smells of, I don't know, basil. Sometimes you just want to say, sod all this wine, just give me a pint of...mineral water."
 

dolphins

Members
Jan 26, 2012
3,566
BN1, in GOSBTS
"Later we'll be taking dedications for anyone wrongly turned down for planning permission. Also, I'll be asking: Which is the worst monger? Fish, iron, rumour or war?"
 

KingstonSeagull

Members
May 1, 2013
2,185
Shoreditch
"Jet from Gladiators to host a millennium barn dance at Yeovil aerodrome. Properly policed. It must not, I repeat not, turn into an all-night rave."
 


Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
60,058
Location Location
Guest: You’re going from Land’s End to John O’Groats on a bicycle?
AP: No, in a Toyota Avensis.
Guest: Who’s sponsoring you?
AP: No-one. It’s just one of the great UK drives, along with clockwise and anticlockwise around the M25 in the same day…which I did manage last year when I had a day to kill. I was dismissed from jury service. They wanted an ethnic balance, and I was the fall guy.
 

KVLT

Members
Sep 15, 2008
1,675
Rutland
Not a Partridge quote as such, but I love this:

Alan: I didn’t know you were married.
Michael: Aye. I married a Phillipino lassie, like. It didn’t work out. She didn’t like Newcastle and she didn’t fit in with the culture.
Alan: Right, so she’s gone back home?
Michael: No, she moved to Sunderland. She’s shacked up with my brother.
 

KingstonSeagull

Members
May 1, 2013
2,185
Shoreditch
"They're tungsten-tip screws for claws. Right, error one - actually they're quite good for making a point aren't they? - error one, Frankenstein is the name of the creator, not the monster. Right error two right, Frankenstein is a zombie. Okay, he's a type of zombie. It's like people when they say Tannoy when they mean public address system. Tannoy is a brand name. Why're you all staring at me? I'm not have a go at anyone, I'm having a pop at the undead. I mean do you see any upset zombies around?"
 

Paying the bills

Latest Discussions

Paying the bills

Paying the bills

Paying the bills

Top