I know, I copied and pasted it from an email, but who gives a shit, its funny !
25 things that make you feel like a man.
>
>
> 1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands,
> open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't.
> Jars are men's work.
>
> 2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to
> kids makes you the man.
>
> 3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart
> Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the
> ball and crippling the man. Magic.
>
> 4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it
> here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
>
> 5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and
-
> as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other
> rubbish - noisy destruction.
>
> 6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your
> coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then
> nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while
> everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
>
> 7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
>
> 8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an
> iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
>
> 9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying
> they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of
your
> hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it
look
> like.
>
> 10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you
> to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past",
it
> says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
>
> 11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can
> safely handle. One Handed with a pencil on the ear? Superb.
>
> 12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch
> that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
>
> 13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean
> you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest
> of the pub doesn't know that.
>
> 14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
> Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
>
> 15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to
the
> blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you
> are now your dad.
>
> 16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
>
> 17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing
> rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY
> item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
>
> 18, TAKING OUT £500 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the
> plumber (or a 'quiet one with John Sams)but with that much cash you
> feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the
> roll later.
>
> 19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get
> straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
> then. Seven. See ya."
>
> 20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time.
>
> 21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled
> in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand
> there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer
> gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
>
> 22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you
didn't
> make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
>
> 23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are
you
> mad, bint?"
>
> 24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's
> right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh!t.
>
> 25, CALLING YOUR MATE A C**T - and punching him on the shoulder. Just
a
> man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were
in
> hospital".
25 things that make you feel like a man.
>
>
> 1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands,
> open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't.
> Jars are men's work.
>
> 2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to
> kids makes you the man.
>
> 3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart
> Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the
> ball and crippling the man. Magic.
>
> 4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it
> here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
>
> 5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and
-
> as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other
> rubbish - noisy destruction.
>
> 6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your
> coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then
> nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while
> everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.
>
> 7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.
>
> 8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an
> iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
>
> 9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying
> they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of
your
> hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it
look
> like.
>
> 10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you
> to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past",
it
> says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".
>
> 11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can
> safely handle. One Handed with a pencil on the ear? Superb.
>
> 12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch
> that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
>
> 13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean
> you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest
> of the pub doesn't know that.
>
> 14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
> Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
>
> 15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to
the
> blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you
> are now your dad.
>
> 16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
>
> 17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing
> rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY
> item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
>
> 18, TAKING OUT £500 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the
> plumber (or a 'quiet one with John Sams)but with that much cash you
> feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the
> roll later.
>
> 19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get
> straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
> then. Seven. See ya."
>
> 20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time.
>
> 21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled
> in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand
> there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer
> gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
>
> 22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you
didn't
> make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".
>
> 23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are
you
> mad, bint?"
>
> 24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that says that's
> right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized sh!t.
>
> 25, CALLING YOUR MATE A C**T - and punching him on the shoulder. Just
a
> man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while you were
in
> hospital".
