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[Football] A friendly tap on the bum?



marlowe

Well-known member
Dec 13, 2015
3,898
I'm a pensioner and tapped a youngster on the bum recently as he was coming down a ladder after I'd lured him to my house on a pretence.

I then offered him a beer in the hope of getting him a bit tipsy and having my wicked way with him, but he seemed to get wind of my advances and left, calling me a dirty old man.

That seemed a bit harsh, I only wanted a bit of rumpo, wasn't expecting Boston Pancakes, Belgian Biscuits or a quick ring a roses with the local rugby XV, but the youth of today, far too oversensitive if you ask me.

I realise your pension only stetches so far but I thought your offer of £10 was a bit on the mean side. If you could perhaps stretch to £15 I might reconsider.
 


Washie

Well-known member
Jun 20, 2011
5,419
Eastbourne
Being 27, I've never really lived in a time where it was accepted. Yet one thing I've never understood is why do it?
 


Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,673
Location Location
It’s just suddenly dawned on me why in Guylians Seashell/mollusks praline selection they never included a ‘chocolate starfish’

What fun in the office and when nan came at xmas that would have been.

For some reason, I had in my head that Haribo had brought out a selection of puckered balloon knots, but I can't for the life of me find them anywhere.

Must've dreamt it.
 


Giraffe

VERY part time moderator
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patreon
Aug 8, 2005
26,451
If someone's trouser/skirt bum is on fire is it more acceptable? :flameboun
 


Meade's Ball

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2003
13,612
Hither (sometimes Thither)
A chap at work is aware of my mild/intense discomfiture at human contact, and he spends some of his time invading my space in different ways - he has horrendously chilly hands, which lovingly swat my facial cheeks of a morning. Recently, he's begun to pat me on the bumbadeer to get me to new flinch levels. It is becoming the norm now though, and i wonder if i am getting used to it, even to the point where i'd somehow miss it if my rear was unmeddled with of a day. Maybe after 3 years of incessant tampering and fiddling he'll have fully broken down my barriers and i can be the nudist that the inner me clearly perhaps is, my ghastly unclothed form waddling around mostly empty beaches and sticky active glades of the night.
 




Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patreon
Oct 8, 2003
49,331
Faversham
Rather than posting a new thread I'll add this important bit of news to this. As sent to my work email today by a colleague. Warning, it is bum-related.

"FDA warns of one death linked to fecal transplants

The FDA on Thursday warned medical and scientific communities and other interested persons* of the potential risk of transmitting multi-drug resistant organisms (MDROs) via poop trans-plants, otherwise known as fecal microbiota for transplantation (FMT)."


In case you are wondering:

"Fecal microbiota transplant (FMT), also known as a stool transplant, is the process of transplantation of fecal bacteria from a healthy individual into a recipient. FMT involves restoration of the colonic microflora by introducing healthy bacterial flora through infusion of stool, e.g. by colonoscopy, enema, orogastric tube or by mouth in the form of a capsule containing freeze-dried material, obtained from a healthy donor. The effectiveness of FMT has been established in clinical trials for the treatment of Clostridioides difficile infection (CDI), whose effects can range from diarrhea to pseudomembranous colitis."

*One can only wonder. The mind boggles.
 


Questions

Habitual User
Oct 18, 2006
24,719
Worthing
A chap at work is aware of my mild/intense discomfiture at human contact, and he spends some of his time invading my space in different ways - he has horrendously chilly hands, which lovingly swat my facial cheeks of a morning. Recently, he's begun to pat me on the bumbadeer to get me to new flinch levels. It is becoming the norm now though, and i wonder if i am getting used to it, even to the point where i'd somehow miss it if my rear was unmeddled with of a day. Maybe after 3 years of incessant tampering and fiddling he'll have fully broken down my barriers and i can be the nudist that the inner me clearly perhaps is, my ghastly unclothed form waddling around mostly empty beaches and sticky active glades of the night.

I think he’s got you ready - if you don’t mind me saying MB - for some Rocky Mountain cave lurking.
 


maffew

Well-known member
Dec 10, 2003
8,859
Worcester England
If I tapped anyone on the arse at work, I'd probably end up in a disciplinary.

There was a rather excellent story in the news yesterday about a bloke who bought cakes in on his birthday and emailed the department to let them know. The email went:

“There are doughnuts on Alf’s desk as it’s my birthday today. I hope people like Krispy Kremes - I know Soraya enjoys a glazed ring.”

Soraya didn't see the funny side though, and replied: “This is absolutely totally unacceptable James. There are limits to ‘jokes’ you can send at work copying in all colleagues - this is extremely rude and offensive. Please note that this will be forwarded to HR - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

He's been suspended.

:rolleyes:

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/ar...ded-joking-female-colleagues-glazed-ring.html

Know your audience!! Epic fail :D
 




The Clamp

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Jan 11, 2016
24,270
West is BEST
Watch NFL. They don’t seem to be able to keep their mitts off each other’s bottoms.
Like all overtly masculine pursuits, it has a rumour of homo-eroticism about it.
But, if you want your bum touched and you like touching bums, fill yer boots.
 










Questions

Habitual User
Oct 18, 2006
24,719
Worthing
For some reason, I had in my head that Haribo had brought out a selection of puckered balloon knots, but I can't for the life of me find them anywhere.

Must've dreamt it.
I have those dreams Easy.....don’t worry. The other night my ‘Prison Purse’ dream seemed to last ages.
 


Mr Putdown

Well-known member
Jan 26, 2004
2,899
Christchurch
It’s just suddenly dawned on me why in Guylians Seashell/mollusks praline selection they never included a ‘chocolate starfish’

What fun in the office and when nan came at xmas that would have been.

Look closer next time.. :laugh:

6E0CEF24-5C7B-4D13-B17E-0D05541751E7.jpeg
 




dingodan

New member
Feb 16, 2011
10,080
I did it once, and was absolutely outraged.
 












Questions

Habitual User
Oct 18, 2006
24,719
Worthing
Look closer next time.. :laugh:

View attachment 111497

You might be right Mr Putdown or you may have shown a picture of the Nautilus chocolate range.
I know Guylion don’t do one now but maybe they did a few years back. They did - I kid you not - try and preserve sole rights to produce a chocolate seahorse and get the trade/copyrights on that and lost.

Anyway got to go and do the washing up ............. if I can find that old tea towel holder.
 



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