Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊

Most embarrassing first date stories





The Stout Yeoman

Master Farter
Aug 14, 2003
916
59 Le Petomane Boulevard
When I was a young un in the RAF we lived in a barrack block. One of the lads burst in late at night (when all had turned in for the night) announcing that he had just shagged this girl and she was really really wet. As he switched his beside light on, to his horror and much to our amusement his, once white, shirt was a crimson red in colour ....
 






rogersix

Well-known member
Jan 18, 2014
7,899
a mate of mine (no really), pulled this girl at a club and went back to hers, both of them absolutely shiters. so he smashes her in and they both fall asleep. much to his dismay, he wakes up to discover he has shat the bed! ooooh! so thinking on his feet, before he showers, dresses, and leaves, he takes a handful of the runny stuff and wipes it in her arse crack :wink::facepalm::cool::clap::lolol:
 




Normal Rob

Well-known member
Jul 8, 2003
5,644
Somerset
Mobile phone speed dials can have a lot to answer for. A few years ago an aquaintance of mine (yes, another 'no really') accidentally phoned his wife on his mobile whilst shagging some slap he had pulled on a night out. He had his phone in his back pocket and her wild riding pushed all the wrong buttons.
 


Gabbafella

Well-known member
Aug 22, 2012
4,636
Wouldn't it have been more of a story if you'd been out clubbing with your uncle rather than your Dad? I mean I could drive a bus through this story it is so lame.

Oh no, a nobody on the internet doesn't like my story. That's me up all night with worry.
 






crodonilson

He/Him
Jan 17, 2005
13,488
Lyme Regis
If it wouldn't flush she's obviously an overweight porker.

Had it have been a Cheryl Cole, Maria Sharapova or Pixie Lott lookalike I'd do her up the arse to compensate the huge bill.

Pixie Lott new co-host of Watchdog from 8pm tonight.
 


Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patreon
Oct 8, 2003
49,343
Faversham
Pixie Lott new co-host of Watchdog from 8pm tonight.

Crodo, you have a long and disturbing memory. If I have ever said anything stupid on here, one day, some day, I'm ****ed, aren't I? ??? :lolol:
 


GT49er

Well-known member
Feb 1, 2009
46,475
Gloucester
We have all been there with a turd that won't flush but at what stage do these people think getting it out with their hands and flinging it out of the window is a good idea?

Surely if you're willing to do that, you could pick it up and mush it up a bit and try again?!
Unbelievable, isn't it? :facepalm:

Surely if you have to touch the fvckin' thing, you'd just push it round the U-bend?
............and then wash your hands several times, very carefully!
 




Paris

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2010
4,068
13th district
Unbelievable, isn't it? :facepalm:

Surely if you have to touch the fvckin' thing, you'd just push it round the U-bend?
............and then wash your hands several times, very carefully!

Could just sh1t in the sink and then break it down with the nearest toothbrush you clap eyes on. Not the brush end, obviously.
 


GT49er

Well-known member
Feb 1, 2009
46,475
Gloucester
Could just sh1t in the sink and then break it down with the nearest toothbrush you clap eyes on. Not the brush end, obviously.

Hmmm .................. one rather tends to assume that dropping a monster one isn't usually premeditated ...................
 








B-right-on

Living the dream
Apr 23, 2015
6,162
Shoreham Beaaaach
Wtf is a Tinder date?

Sounds weird from then on...
 


bhafc99

Well-known member
Oct 14, 2003
7,051
Dubai
Listened to the guy on the radio last night ..they have been out on date number 2 :whistle:

I thought she already did number two on the first date?




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 






Harry Wilson's tackle

Harry Wilson's Tackle
NSC Patreon
Oct 8, 2003
49,343
Faversham


marcos3263

Well-known member
Oct 29, 2009
919
Fishersgate and Proud
A mate - yes really - was out on a blind first date. As he got to the table he pulled out his copy of Private Eye from his back pocket in an attempt to look cultured. As he whipped it out it flung two condoms out and one landed in her lap. He immediately went crimson and got hot under the collar so he took his jumper off. This pulled his shirt up over his head and he was stuck with jumper and shirt around his head and a naked torso while he panicked and wiggled about. Eventually freeing himself he sat down and she passed him back a condom saying that he wont be needing it.
They ate in near silence, he paid the bill and they never saw each other again.
 



Paying the bills

Latest Discussions

Paying the bills

Paying the bills

Paying the bills

Albion and Premier League latest from Sky Sports


Top
Link Here