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Bell Cheeses at work











Bevendean Hillbilly

New member
Sep 4, 2006
12,805
Nestling in green nowhere
We had a brilliant one today

The US are on holiday ( yes I know) and I had a call from a colleague on the other side of the world. “I need this approving but all my colleagues are on holiday”. Ok, says I , what do you want from me “ can you approve it?” No says I it is a technical approval and I am not technical. Oh says the colleague. He then goes through the company phone directory to the US big cheeses, phones them at all hours , and tells them that I told him to call them as I couldn’t help!!!

Complete cockjuggling thundercant

3 in the morning the CEO no less calls me to abuse me about me telling some **** to phone him in the middle of his trump loving family meal!

I call this ****whit today and asked him why he rang all those people and he flatly denied it. I mailed my boss, who happened to have the call recorded and he sent it to me.

I called said ****whit back and played him the call.....he said “ it’s not me “ it ****ing well was him....

Anyway I received a mail today saying I should be more helpful to our colleagues and not have told them to call senior people to get things done....THIS IS HOW IT WORKS FFS

Anyway, I have this ****whit’s card marked and i will have my revenge!

In this life or the next...
 


happypig

Staring at the rude boys
May 23, 2009
7,968
Eastbourne
We had an intranet with a homepage with lots of "interesting" BT stories, many of which were like "Colin puts customers first again", where a project manager got lots of praise for managing a project, those sort of "look at me, aren't I great" type stories.
The seniority of the person being lauded was directly proportional to the number of kiss-arse replies (often, strangely, from teams in India) stating "Well done Colin, living our values".
 












Gwylan

Well-known member
Jul 5, 2003
31,339
Uffern
Turnitin, or something similar, is essential.

Interested to know why. When I was at uni, you could tell the plodders because they rarely spoke in seminar groups and had little in the way of original insight. In the first few weeks, it was easy to tell who would get a 1st/2.1 and who'd get a 2.2 (or worse). Surely lecturers would be wise to the fact that someone who looked like they were lagging were suddenly producing dazzling essays.

I remember helping a student write an essay on Hobbes (I fancied her mate so I thought it would be a smart move to be helpful). I virtually wrote it all for her and she was pleased. The lecturers were wise to it though and singled her out to lead a seminar on the topic the following week - she was caught bang to rights.

Lecturers don't need Turnitin, they know who's good and who's not.
 


portlock seagull

Why? Why us?
Jul 28, 2003
17,077
We had an intranet with a homepage with lots of "interesting" BT stories, many of which were like "Colin puts customers first again", where a project manager got lots of praise for managing a project, those sort of "look at me, aren't I great" type stories.
The seniority of the person being lauded was directly proportional to the number of kiss-arse replies (often, strangely, from teams in India) stating "Well done Colin, living our values".

This is so true. I ****ing hate LInkedIn for this. Nauseating self promotion e.g. “I’m DELIGHTED to be at the annual big bollocks awards where I’m nominated as the greatest ****ing human being EVER for my contribution to selling ball bearings (which is an oxymoron if ever there were)” or “I’m DELIGHTED to be at the Palace today, receiving my OBE that is really a joint team effort blah blah”.

Then worse, a pile of sickophantic “congrats, you truly are wonderful” responses from their SUPPLIER NAMs etc” aka can i keep your business please?

This subject needs a new thread. LinkedIn is THE worst social media platform of them all. I can’t work out if it’s Hitler. Stalin. Or Genghis. Everyone sucking themselves off and being applauded by other self suckers for doing so. Can’t wait to put the ‘retired’ headline up with a sub header of ‘so you can all **** off now’. :)
 






Guinness Boy

Tofu eating wokerati
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patron
Jul 23, 2003
34,198
Up and Coming Sunny Portslade
This week I have been in a “drains up” session and on an “all hands” call. So, apparently, I’m now a plumber. On a ship.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 








Sirnormangall

Well-known member
Sep 21, 2017
2,969
I’m sure there are some lovely people who work for Veolia at the Sheepcote tip, but they are hard to find. Most of them stand and watch, have a chat amongst themselves or check their mobile phones as elderly people struggle to carry their rubbish up several steps. But of course they can’t help the “customers” because of elf n safety regulations. Fortunately this means they have lots of time to think about the content and design of the latest new warning sign at the site. The Sheepcote tip has more signs per square metre than anywhere in Brighton, Sussex....probably the entire world. Veolia management have undoubtedly earned the right to feature in this thread as complete Bell Cheeses.
 


BadFish

Huge Member
Oct 19, 2003
17,119
Apparently our Professional Learning Community leaders are known as Knowledgable Others. The Department of Education (Australia) is spending millions on a 'brand new' system of learning that looks to me, very similar to the old one.

Still changing everything every ten minutes keeps people employed I suppose.

Does an entire government department count as a single or multiple bell cheeses?

Sent from my Redmi Note 7 using Tapatalk
 


smudge

Up the Albion!
Jul 8, 2003
7,368
On the ocean wave
We have a new Human Resources Director. I had to attend a training session with her this morning.
She tried to get us to introduce ourselves to the rest of the group with a song & dance.
I walked out. Waiting for repercussions.
Happy Clappy Bullcrap.
 


Normal Rob

Well-known member
Jul 8, 2003
5,662
Somerset
We have a new Human Resources Director. I had to attend a training session with her this morning.
She tried to get us to introduce ourselves to the rest of the group with a song & dance.
I walked out. Waiting for repercussions.
Happy Clappy Bullcrap.

I, sir, salute you.
 




Deportivo Seagull

I should coco
Jul 22, 2003
4,904
Mid Sussex
We have a new Human Resources Director. I had to attend a training session with her this morning.
She tried to get us to introduce ourselves to the rest of the group with a song & dance.
I walked out. Waiting for repercussions.
Happy Clappy Bullcrap.

I would have thought that was an ideal opportunity to give a rousing rendition of the Alphabet song.


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
 




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