[Help] What to do about antisocial behaviour?

I appreciate I'll probably get a load of witty replies and /or piss takes but I really do need some help on this. I try not to "sweat the small stuff" but it's really getting me down, in all honesty. I'm already trying to get over some depression and get back into work ( I used to do good work, apparently, in mental health services for many years but I "can't face" going back to it currently, probably after the years of stress it caused).

I live on my todd now in a small block of 4 flats opposite a big council towerblock. I'm very lucky to own my flat (with family help and being lucky to buy in Brighton in the mid 90s before the massive jump). For the last few months, but probably longer as i didn't really realise it, someone in the flats up high above us throw items out their window that hit our building and shout abuse when I am coming and going. Due to the distance and "arc" to the front of the building it's not being thrown by hand but is mechanical. It has been eggs and rotten fruit, small plastic items but also bigger plastic items. So far no damage but it can make a very loud noise and also has got near to our parked cars - the larger items could very well cause damage to a car/ break windows/guttering etc if it hits them it's just luck it hasn't.

Doesn't sound much really does it? But as it happens at all hours and coupled with weird comments and abuse from behind you and you're not sure which window it is as you turn round it's faceless, it is having a build-up affect on me.

Except i do know which flat it is (100%). They're young adults, at least two males, not sure of age but one is 16 and the other, the one doing it, older not in work, no sign of any other adults.

So, what to do about it? I'm asking as I'm very aware, too much so, in modern society of "nothing to lose" - meaning some people in this country now do what the **** they like without recourse, what you going to do about it?, while other lawabiding people keep to the rules because they don't want to lose what they've got. If you feel you have nothing to lose then you do what you like.

So far I have responded to all this by ignoring it mostly (i've really got bigger issues in my life and the wellbeing of older parents to worry about at the mo), sometimes shouting back some mild abuse, sometimes shouting back some pisstakes "back to school on Monday" etc.
Kids (although the older one is no kid) will be kids etc, grow out of it, we all did stupid things etc.

The first time i really noticed it was after a loud bang and found my female neighbour outside cleaning food stuff off her window. it just happened that when i looked out my window i saw it happen and the lads laughing up in their window. My neighbour and her visiting boyfriend shouted up at them but i actually went up there and knocked on their door. I spoke to someone in the block and got their flat number. After a bit the younger lad answered and admitted it was them but didn't seem at all bothered - i was not aggressive , asked to speak to the older lad or an adult but he said his brother was getting dressed. I used a bit of industrial language and told them to cut it out or i'd involve the police etc. Again the lad who answered was smirky and didnt seem to care. I thought that may be the end of it tbf. I'm not afraid to speak to someone 1:1, having had to deal with many odd/sometimes aggressive behaviours at work.

Except it hasn't stopped. Still on off verbals when walking past and items found on the grass at other times when i've been out. Massive crash at 945am this morning opened my curtains to see one of the lads waving his cock out the window and then mooney-ing (yes sounds funny but I'm starting to think the older one is definitely "missing something" in his head). Also seen them often smoking bongs at the window (it's always open halfway whether freezing or raining) and up the early hours.

In reference to "something to lose", I really shouldn't have gone up there on my own as no witnesses and leaves me open to accusation. I do hope to go back into adult social services in some way and some false accusation from some toerag or if I lose my temper (to those who suggest I get more "aggy" with them) could easily ruin all that. Also i didn't want to aggravate it but i think i have by going up perhaps.

If I go more official then I'm worried about things on record - I want to move in a couple of years and i know that you have declare any problems with neighbours. Plus would I really call the police about this? It's risking criminal damage but no real damage has yet occurred. Which is why so far I haven't done anything else, thinking it'll go away. But it's evidently not going away.

Do you have any suggestions? I can't talk to family about it as it will worry them endlessly due to age and fragility. Most of my friends have moved away in last 2-3 years and I seem to have lost contact with them. Those have spoken to just say go round and threaten them or call the police. But in my experience at work the police won't give a **** anyway.

i borrowed a camera that records with movement but the missiles don't trigger it and it's also too far away to show any detail.

I would appreciate some help. if you're just going to tell me to man up or take the piss then i kind of expect that but I needed to offload somewhere and this is it. For the grammar police on here, feel free, as i've rushed this out.

I haven't even been out to see if there is any damage. I've read before about the slow drip drip negative effect antisocial behaviour has on people and today I'm feeling it.

Get the police involved.

Beyond having it out with them yourself, which you've already done, I don't know what more you can do. Legally.

Sounds terrible mate. I don’t rate that as ‘small stuff.’ Sadly your only option may be to take advantage of that huge jump in Brighton house prices and move. I definitely wouldn’t create any correspondence about it as otherwise that plan would be scuppered.

Well. There’s the official route;
Record on phone, keep evidence of your polite requests, keep a diary, report all incidents to 101 via email, report to council.

The most effective route;
Get three or four of your biggest mates, face masks on and go up there and scare the shit out of them.

The next most effective;
Sell up. Move out. They’re not going to stop and the stress isn’t worth it. Don’t record or report anything beforehand though.

Document and record, if possible, every incident. Get the police involved and go legal with a restraining order or similar. You've given them an opportunity to stop and they've upped the stakes. Take 'em down. Before the police though, what about going to Citizen's Advice and seeing what they suggest?

Edit: Have you considered contacting their landlord? He could get dragged into this if he doesn't take action against them, such as kicking them out.

That’s a real shame.

I would write down all the incidents and email the Police, be sure to detail the effect these actions are having on you.

It’s then all about recording the incidents and reporting them each time.

The Police might well decide it’s worth paying the lads a visit and having a chat in order to stop your complaints. Hopefully that will work. The other option is to move sooner than you’d planned of course.

Best of luck with your endeavour, I think you sold me a PS4 FIFA game once, you seemed like a nice chap.

I don't have mates like that I'm afraid.

I can't move at the moment due to no income.

Guess I'm ****ed. Best just stay indoors and open the whisky before noon then.

Sounds absolute shite and I doubt you’ll do anything but escalate it by confronting them again.

If it were me I’d investigate every avenue to sell up and move, even rent until you are back in work if you can’t get a mortgage on another property. Get rid of this shit and I imagine your life will improve dramatically.

Not helpful I know but I don’t see a solution unless they move or die

herecomesaregular said:

I don't have mates like that I'm afraid.

I can't move at the moment due to no income.

Guess I'm ****ed. Best just stay indoors and open the whisky before noon then.

Click to expand...

I would go down the police route in that case. Bullies tend to rely on people not seeking help. A visit from some uniforms may well do the job. But get all the neighbours involved. Strength in numbers and shows the police this isn’t a spat with your neighbour but community issue.

Exposing their genitals is beyond ASB. It is a crime and should be reported as such. The police can serve a Community Behaviour Order on them, meaning your reports will be followed up quicker and could result in arrests.

Once their landlord starts getting calls and visits from the police, he’ll likely evict them.

And remember, this is crucial. Keep on and on and on and on and on and on at the police. The squeaky wheel gets the oil.

Good luck.

any chance of mobilising the collective? it isnt just you that is siffering here....residents meeting to discuss options?

Don't suffer in silence OP. Get the police and council involved. If the anti-social scumbags are too thick to take a hint, then the council has the powers to kick them out

herecomesaregular said:

I appreciate I'll probably get a load of witty replies and /or piss takes but I really do need some help on this. I try not to "sweat the small stuff" but it's really getting me down, in all honesty. I'm already trying to get over some depression and get back into work ( I used to do good work, apparently, in mental health services for many years but I "can't face" going back to it currently, probably after the years of stress it caused).

I live on my todd now in a small block of 4 flats opposite a big council towerblock. I'm very lucky to own my flat (with family help and being lucky to buy in Brighton in the mid 90s before the massive jump). For the last few months, but probably longer as i didn't really realise it, someone in the flats up high above us throw items out their window that hit our building and shout abuse when I am coming and going. Due to the distance and "arc" to the front of the building it's not being thrown by hand but is mechanical. It has been eggs and rotten fruit, small plastic items but also bigger plastic items. So far no damage but it can make a very loud noise and also has got near to our parked cars - the larger items could very well cause damage to a car/ break windows/guttering etc if it hits them it's just luck it hasn't.

Doesn't sound much really does it? But as it happens at all hours and coupled with weird comments and abuse from behind you and you're not sure which window it is as you turn round it's faceless, it is having a build-up affect on me.

Except i do know which flat it is (100%). They're young adults, at least two males, not sure of age but one is 16 and the other, the one doing it, older not in work, no sign of any other adults.

So, what to do about it? I'm asking as I'm very aware, too much so, in modern society of "nothing to lose" - meaning some people in this country now do what the **** they like without recourse, what you going to do about it?, while other lawabiding people keep to the rules because they don't want to lose what they've got. If you feel you have nothing to lose then you do what you like.

So far I have responded to all this by ignoring it mostly (i've really got bigger issues in my life and the wellbeing of older parents to worry about at the mo), sometimes shouting back some mild abuse, sometimes shouting back some pisstakes "back to school on Monday" etc.
Kids (although the older one is no kid) will be kids etc, grow out of it, we all did stupid things etc.

The first time i really noticed it was after a loud bang and found my female neighbour outside cleaning food stuff off her window. it just happened that when i looked out my window i saw it happen and the lads laughing up in their window. My neighbour and her visiting boyfriend shouted up at them but i actually went up there and knocked on their door. I spoke to someone in the block and got their flat number. After a bit the younger lad answered and admitted it was them but didn't seem at all bothered - i was not aggressive , asked to speak to the older lad or an adult but he said his brother was getting dressed. I used a bit of industrial language and told them to cut it out or i'd involve the police etc. Again the lad who answered was smirky and didnt seem to care. I thought that may be the end of it tbf. I'm not afraid to speak to someone 1:1, having had to deal with many odd/sometimes aggressive behaviours at work.

Except it hasn't stopped. Still on off verbals when walking past and items found on the grass at other times when i've been out. Massive crash at 945am this morning opened my curtains to see one of the lads waving his cock out the window and then mooney-ing (yes sounds funny but I'm starting to think the older one is definitely "missing something" in his head). Also seen them often smoking bongs at the window (it's always open halfway whether freezing or raining) and up the early hours.

In reference to "something to lose", I really shouldn't have gone up there on my own as no witnesses and leaves me open to accusation. I do hope to go back into adult social services in some way and some false accusation from some toerag or if I lose my temper (to those who suggest I get more "aggy" with them) could easily ruin all that. Also i didn't want to aggravate it but i think i have by going up perhaps.

If I go more official then I'm worried about things on record - I want to move in a couple of years and i know that you have declare any problems with neighbours. Plus would I really call the police about this? It's risking criminal damage but no real damage has yet occurred. Which is why so far I haven't done anything else, thinking it'll go away. But it's evidently not going away.

Do you have any suggestions? I can't talk to family about it as it will worry them endlessly due to age and fragility. Most of my friends have moved away in last 2-3 years and I seem to have lost contact with them. Those have spoken to just say go round and threaten them or call the police. But in my experience at work the police won't give a **** anyway.

i borrowed a camera that records with movement but the missiles don't trigger it and it's also too far away to show any detail.

I would appreciate some help. if you're just going to tell me to man up or take the piss then i kind of expect that but I needed to offload somewhere and this is it. For the grammar police on here, feel free, as i've rushed this out.

I haven't even been out to see if there is any damage. I've read before about the slow drip drip negative effect antisocial behaviour has on people and today I'm feeling it.

Click to expand...

Never forget the bit in bold.

Anything you put in writing about this will have to be declared on the form. And then you risk scaring buyers off or taking a financial hit when selling. Unless the problem is resolved before then - but how confident are you about that ?

herecomesaregular said:

Guess I'm ****ed. Best just stay indoors and open the whisky before noon then.

Click to expand...

On the off chance that you're not making a joke/flippant comment, please don't. Drinking a bottle of Whisky isn't going to help.

Have you spoken to the other residents in your block? Four(or more) heads are better than one and it'll probably do you good to share your troubles with other people, especially as they are directly involved.

If you are definitely not going to use any potentially illegal forms of recourse, do inform the Police, and contact the council, try and get your neighbours to do the same if they are also suffering.

To take your mind off things, maybe have a read of the "Jamie" thread, a tale of Karma, not sure how to find it myself maybe someone else will post a link?



A friend of mine had an interesting visit from the Police last year, apparently someone had seen him with a gun in his living room whilst walking past his house and reported it. About a dozen armed police kicked his door in and searched his house, it was a completely innocent mistake I am sure, maybe his bong looked a bit like the barrel of a gun? The Police would not tell him who had made the report, not sure that they knew.

Blue Valkyrie said:

Never forget the bit in bold.

Anything you put in writing about this will have to be declared on the form. And then you risk scaring buyers off or taking a financial hit when selling. Unless the problem is resolved before then - but how confident are you about that ?

Click to expand...

This is what has been getting me down the most really.

I'm normally a straighforward directly speak to the person you have a problem with guy or, if that fails, then follow procedures guy. But neither option seems an option at the moment.

Garry Nelson's Left Foot said:

On the off chance that you're not making a joke/flippant comment, please don't. Drinking a bottle of Whisky isn't going to help.

Have you spoken to the other residents in your block? Four(or more) heads are better than one and it'll probably do you good to share your troubles with other people, especially as they are directly involved.

Click to expand...

This is all good advice

Blue Valkyrie said:

Never forget the bit in bold.

Anything you put in writing about this will have to be declared on the form. And then you risk scaring buyers off or taking a financial hit when selling. Unless the problem is resolved before then - but how confident are you about that ?

Click to expand...

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If the OP is planning to move in a couple of years, then it might be worth just trying to make the best of it. Researching coping strategies (not whisky) for two years seems to be worth investigating. Even just a Vitamin B timed release can take the edge off your nerves.

Things can change of their own accord anyway. We had some anti-social neighbours for 25 years, although not as bad as the OP's experience. Then earlier last year, a 'for sale' sign appeared outside their house. Their landlord had decided to sell up. They are now gone, and we now have a lovely family next door to us.

Good luck.

Garry Nelson's Left Foot said:

On the off chance that you're not making a joke/flippant comment, please don't. Drinking a bottle of Whisky isn't going to help.

Have you spoken to the other residents in your block? Four(or more) heads are better than one and it'll probably do you good to share your troubles with other people, especially as they are directly involved.

Click to expand...

Wasn't a joke at all, no.

I will try to talk to the others, one girl obviously knows about it and one was told about it (not interested) and one old dude is totally oblivious (really is the best way I).

Could always report anonymously to the police. Unlikely to have quite the same affect but chuck in some choice words about the exposure and they’ll likely get a door knock I expect.

I have indeed been trying to ignore it and make sure i'm going out as much (I used to keep the front garden tidy) because it is causing me to battle some agoraphobia now - there was a few weeks off and then it happened this morning. They would have no idea that i saw the cock waving and mooney-ing as i have net curtains but i just seem to be unlucky when i look out the window. I'm trying not to be too paranoid that it is me targetted personally it's just generic actions from them and to try to show more "emotional generosity" nowadays (you don't know what is going on for someone else causing them to act how they do) but i am finding it hard today.