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[Humour] The Most Useless Things Ever Bought



el punal

el punal

Well-known member
Aug 29, 2012
11,822
Bitterne,Southampton. In the land of wrong stripes
A few years ago I was chatting with one of the blokes I worked with. He told me that he’d gone to a car boot sale and bought a typewriter for a quid. Sounds like a bargain, I responded, does it work I enquired. Oh yes, came the reply, it types beautifully. Except . . . . he paused, then said it’s missing the letter “e”. How do you deal with that I asked, somewhat bemused. Oh, just substitute the “e” with an “a”, an “i”, an “o” or a “u”, he countered.

So, thair you havit. Ona of lifu’s littlu problums solvid. Uasy whun you know how if you git my moaning. :cool:
 




AmexRuislip

AmexRuislip

Trainee Spy 🕵️‍♂️
Feb 2, 2014
33,875
Ruislip
Not me personally, but friends of ours ordered from one of 'those' magazines.
They thought they were getting a patio water feature.
Unbeknown to them, when delivered by their postie, it turns out it was dolls house size.
Didn't read the measurements:lolol:
 


Beach Hut

Beach Hut

Brighton Bhuna Boy
Jul 5, 2003
71,992
Living In a Box
Locadia?
 












The Clamp

The Clamp

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jan 11, 2016
24,596
West is BEST
smillie's garden said:
And you bought a pair didn't you?
Click to expand...

Kiwis and pears never get eaten in my house. Mainly because they seem to be rock hard unripe for 6 days then turn to mush overnight. They are not inherently useless, I just render them so.
 




Easy 10

Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,798
Location Location
The Clamp said:
Kiwis and pears never get eaten in my house. Mainly because they seem to be rock hard unripe for 6 days then turn to mush overnight. They are not inherently useless, I just render them so.
Click to expand...

Agreed. I swear you only have about a 15 minute window to eat a kiwi in its optimum state. Plums internally can go a bit "furry" quite rapidly as well, but I have a cream for that.
 


Easy 10

Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,798
Location Location
Away from fruit, I bought a liquid patio cleaner last year. I grew tired of carrying out the jetwash, and this thing swore blind you just pour it over the paving slabs, give it 2-3 months and your patio would be clean.

I was rightly dubious. Utter bollocks. Made no difference whatsoever.
 


el punal

el punal

Well-known member
Aug 29, 2012
11,822
Bitterne,Southampton. In the land of wrong stripes
Easy 10 said:
Away from fruit, I bought a liquid patio cleaner last year. I grew tired of carrying out the jetwash, and this thing swore blind you just pour it over the paving slabs, give it 2-3 months and your patio would be clean.

I was rightly dubious. Utter bollocks. Made no difference whatsoever.
Click to expand...

I suppose you could have used it on your furry plums. :cool:
 




E

essbee1

Well-known member
Jun 25, 2014
4,165
el punal said:
A few years ago I was chatting with one of the blokes I worked with. He told me that he’d gone to a car boot sale and bought a typewriter for a quid. Sounds like a bargain, I responded, does it work I enquired. Oh yes, came the reply, it types beautifully. Except . . . . he paused, then said it’s missing the letter “e”. How do you deal with that I asked, somewhat bemused. Oh, just substitute the “e” with an “a”, an “i”, an “o” or a “u”, he countered.

So, thair you havit. Ona of lifu’s littlu problums solvid. Uasy whun you know how if you git my moaning. :cool:
Click to expand...

Is the punchline coming?
 








zefarelly

zefarelly

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 7, 2003
21,864
Sussex, by the sea
I have bought a few vintage car gadgets 'new' from car boots etc over the years, just as ornaments really, the best ( worst) I daren't even try

A 12V de-icer which is basically a dwarf hair dryer. I imagine if you used it new, late 60's by the time you had two eye holes melted the car wouldn't start because the battery would be flat.

I'd suggest more but probably easier to just look here. They've made millions flogging semi useless tat
 






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