[Humour] The three best comedy lines

WATFORD zero · Dec 30, 2021

It'll be age dependant obviously, but I have just heard 'Don't tell him pike', so for me

1. I am playing all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order.

2. Don't tell him, Pike

and I was struggling for a third, so

3. Play it cool Trig, play it cool

Guinness Boy · Dec 30, 2021

"You started it"
"No I didn't"
"Yes you did, you invaded Poland"

WATFORD zero · Dec 30, 2021

Guinness Boy said:
"You started it"
"No I didn't"
"Yes you did, you invaded Poland"

I'm going to have to explain the rules :facepalm:

Raleigh Chopper · Dec 30, 2021

There are so many.
How about Peter Sellers (pink panther)

"Does you dog bite"
"No"
(Strokes the dog, dog snaps and snarls)
"I thought you said that your dog doesn't bite"
"That's not my dog"

2 more coming soon, dinners ready

Guinness Boy · Dec 30, 2021

WATFORD zero said:
I'm going to have to explain the rules

Write some more like.

I was quoting literally the perfect example of three perfect comedy lines. They just happened to follow each other :wink:

rogersix · Dec 30, 2021

............... "and this, my liege, is how we know the world to be banana shaped!"

Is it PotG? · Dec 30, 2021

"Cold? You bits of kids don't know the meaning of the word. You should have been with me on the Russian convoys. One night it was so cold the flame on my lighter froze."

Well that's the end of that thread.

WATFORD zero · Dec 30, 2021

'Yes you did, you invaded Poland'

or

'That's not my dog'

would have been sufficient (for me, anyway :shrug:

)

dazzer6666 · Dec 30, 2021

Blackadder could fill all three spots…so many to choose.

gripper stebson · Dec 30, 2021

Not the exact rules but have been rewatching This Country over Christmas and have always loved this piece of writing.

"Look at old Arthur there laughing. He hasn't laughed since he was part of the bombing raid of Dresden. Now thats either because it was so harrowing that he hasn't laughed since, or it was the last thing that genuinely tickled him."

Superb.

swindonseagull · Dec 30, 2021

Four Candles

Is it PotG? · Dec 30, 2021

Oh yeah, they're sad little men. He's thrown a kettle over a pub. What have you ever done?

I'm not a pedo, and if I was, you'd be safe, you tubby, little, ginger cvnt

Worried Man Blues · Dec 30, 2021

1. you were only supposed to blow the doors off

2. what do you mean you can't swim the fall will kill you

3. Peace, oh shut up

WATFORD zero · Dec 30, 2021

I now know how [MENTION=988]Artois[/MENTION] felt trying to start Family Fortunes :facepalm:

KZNSeagull · Dec 30, 2021

"I am gorgeous, I am sex. Women want me and are willing to pay".
"Do we look like comedians? What do you call a man with his ding-a-ling in a piece of melon? Christopher. See what I mean? Now get the steaks amigo".
"It's Nicholas bloody Parsons!!"

Edit

And of course "Treat your kite like you treat your woman. Get inside her 5 times a day and take her to heaven and back"

Harry Wilson's tackle · Dec 30, 2021

'OK Baldrick if you want to play a game, rearrange the following into a simple sentence. Mouth. Sodding. Your. Shut.' (Blackadder)

'Nobody's dead, Dave' (Red Dwarf, 30 years after 'They're all dead, Dave'. I must admit welling up while laughing)

'I coughed so hard I blew my left testicle out my backside'. (Filthy, Rich and Catflap)

WATFORD zero · Dec 30, 2021

gripper stebson said:
Not the exact rules but have been rewatching This Country over Christmas and have always loved this piece of writing.

"Look at old Arthur there laughing. He hasn't laughed since he was part of the bombing raid of Dresden. Now thats either because it was so harrowing that he hasn't laughed since, or it was the last thing that genuinely tickled him."

Superb.

Now that's genuinely tickled me :lolol:

The Rattler · Dec 30, 2021

Tomato Ted, Aubergine Your, Potato Wife's, Turnip Dead

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Brian Fantana · Dec 30, 2021

WATFORD zero said:
It'll be age dependant obviously, but I have just heard 'Don't tell him pike', so for me

1. I am playing all the right notes, just not necessarily in the right order.

2. Don't tell him, Pike

and I was struggling for a third, so

3. Play it cool Trig, play it cool

If you’re going to quote John Sullivan’s genius, at least get the line correct. You’ve paraphrased it there.

clapham_gull · Dec 30, 2021

“That was ‘Big Yellow Taxi’ by Joni Mitchell, a song in which Joni complains they ‘Paved paradise to put up a parking lot’, a measure which actually would have alleviated traffic congestion on the outskirts of paradise, something which Joni singularly fails to point out, perhaps because it doesn’t quite fit in with her blinkered view of the world.”

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