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[Humour] “Computer says no”



B

Berty23

Well-known member
Jun 26, 2012
3,206
There must be loads of brilliant examples from the middle aged bods on here. How about this to get us started? Not strictly “computer says no” but very close.

My 11 year old daughter fell off her bike coming home from school and we are currently at hospital to get it looked at. We are FINALLY waiting for the X-ray results. Why do I say finally? Well…she went in for the X-ray and a few moments later the bloke popped his head out and said “it is right hand isn’t it?” To which I said “no left” to which he looked confused and said “your daughter said that but the doctor has told me right hand so I will do that one” I laughed as I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. I said “it is obviously the left hand because that is the one that is battered, cut and bruised” he said “I need to get this approved by the doctor”.

About 15 sodding minutes waiting for him to get the go ahead to X-ray the hand she can’t move rather than the one that is absolutely fine.

Outstanding example of missing common sense is this world.

There must be others from the wise folk on here!
 








Green Cross Code Man

Green Cross Code Man

Wunt be druv
Mar 30, 2006
19,718
Eastbourne
A few years back when I lived in Liverpool, a local utility company dug the road up near my house and placed warning signs and barriers around the large hole. Hoodlums kept moving them and cars probably got them as well. After a few weeks I was tired of the abandoned hole and kept phoning the relevant department asking for them to do something about it. Always got the answer that they couldn't do it as they hadn't got the job in their computer. Eventually I ran out of patience and told them I would take a wheelbarrow of dirt and fill it in myself as that would be safer than leaving a large hole in the road.

Next day, the council was there, filling the hole in. [emoji2357]
 






Gabbafella

Gabbafella

Well-known member
Aug 22, 2012
4,705
Last night at football, I had queued for some time waiting to squeeze in a quick pint and a bite to eat after a hurried rush from work.
When I got to the front, I could see they were running low on some things and looked like they were out of other things, this was the conversation that followed:

Me - "pint and a burger please"
Girl - "Plain burger or cheeseburger?"
Me - "Oh, you still have cheeseburgers?"
Girl - "No"
 


hart's shirt

hart's shirt

Well-known member
Jul 8, 2003
10,189
Kitbag in Dubai
Berty23 said:
About 15 sodding minutes waiting for him to get the go ahead to X-ray the hand she can’t move rather than the one that is absolutely fine.
Click to expand...

So on one hand she's injured, but on the other hand she's fine?
 


Norman Potting

Norman Potting

Well-known member
Nov 5, 2006
13,971
Sussex, Sussex not by the sea and actually nearer
Green Cross Code Man said:
A few years back when I lived in Liverpool, a local utility company dug the road up near my house and placed warning signs and barriers around the large hole. Hoodlums kept moving them and cars probably got them as well. After a few weeks I was tired of the abandoned hole and kept phoning the relevant department asking for them to do something about it. Always got the answer that they couldn't do it as they hadn't got the job in their computer. Eventually I ran out of patience and told them I would take a wheelbarrow of dirt and fill it in myself as that would be safer than leaving a large hole in the road.

Next day, the council was there, filling the hole in. [emoji2357]
Click to expand...

Good job they looked into it.
 




KeegansHairPiece

KeegansHairPiece

New member
Jan 28, 2016
1,829
Gabbafella said:
Last night at football, I had queued for some time waiting to squeeze in a quick pint and a bite to eat after a hurried rush from work.
When I got to the front, I could see they were running low on some things and looked like they were out of other things, this was the conversation that followed:

Me - "pint and a burger please"
Girl - "Plain burger or cheeseburger?"
Me - "Oh, you still have cheeseburgers?"
Girl - "No"
Click to expand...

There is a brilliance to that I absolutely love, I hope she delivered it dead pan. I think I love her on this alone.
 


pasty

pasty

A different kind of pasty
Jul 5, 2003
30,283
West, West, West Sussex
Berty23 said:
There must be loads of brilliant examples from the middle aged bods on here. How about this to get us started? Not strictly “computer says no” but very close.

My 11 year old daughter fell off her bike coming home from school and we are currently at hospital to get it looked at. We are FINALLY waiting for the X-ray results. Why do I say finally? Well…she went in for the X-ray and a few moments later the bloke popped his head out and said “it is right hand isn’t it?” To which I said “no left” to which he looked confused and said “your daughter said that but the doctor has told me right hand so I will do that one” I laughed as I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. I said “it is obviously the left hand because that is the one that is battered, cut and bruised” he said “I need to get this approved by the doctor”.

About 15 sodding minutes waiting for him to get the go ahead to X-ray the hand she can’t move rather than the one that is absolutely fine.

Outstanding example of missing common sense is this world.

There must be others from the wise folk on here!
Click to expand...

Very similar A&E story.

A few years ago I did my ankle in playing 5-a-side and ended up in A&E. Despite my LEFT ankle being black and blue and about three times the size it should have been, the A&E nurse started putting tubi-grip over my RIGHT ankle, because that's what it said on my notes.
 


sully

sully

Dunscouting
Jul 7, 2003
7,833
Worthing
Many years ago, a project I was working on was building a subway link from an existing building to the new building we were constructing.

Before we could start, a power main was diverted to one side of the road and we then built the subway under the other side.

About a year into the main construction, the electricity company sent a gang to investigate a fault. They decided they knew where the fault was and proceeded to dig up the road. They came across a concrete slab and continued to break through it. Into our subway.
 




The Clamp

The Clamp

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jan 11, 2016
24,526
West is BEST
Trying to login to a training portal using the same email I have had since 2005. The only email I have ever used with that account. They have no record of that email. There is literally nothing they seem to be able to do now that they don't recognise that email despite the fact I could have never registered with them without that email. It's Kafka-esque.
 


Eric the meek

Eric the meek

Fiveways Wilf
NSC Patron
Aug 24, 2020
5,309
A few years back, we were doing a road trip through the Swiss Alps, in a place called Morel. It was lunchtime, and we spotted a sandwich shop, so we parked up. As we walked up to the door, my wife read the sign in French, 'closed for lunch'.
 






Gabbafella

Gabbafella

Well-known member
Aug 22, 2012
4,705
KeegansHairPiece said:
There is a brilliance to that I absolutely love, I hope she delivered it dead pan. I think I love her on this alone.
Click to expand...

She said "No" with a quizzical look on her face, like she had no idea what was wrong with the conversation.
 


B

Berty23

Well-known member
Jun 26, 2012
3,206
pasty said:
Very similar A&E story.

A few years ago I did my ankle in playing 5-a-side and ended up in A&E. Despite my LEFT ankle being black and blue and about three times the size it should have been, the A&E nurse started putting tubi-grip over my RIGHT ankle, because that's what it said on my notes.
Click to expand...

It is amazing. I was genuinely shocked at what was going on. No break for my daughter though which is a relief.
 


Boys 9d

Boys 9d

Well-known member
Jan 3, 2012
1,794
Lancing
I remember seeing a photo of a road sign at a T junction in France. An arrow pointed one way and said (in French) "All directions". Another arrow pointed the opposite way and said (in French) "Other directions".
 


Seagull27

Seagull27

Well-known member
Feb 7, 2011
3,309
Bristol
Berty23 said:
There must be loads of brilliant examples from the middle aged bods on here. How about this to get us started? Not strictly “computer says no” but very close.

My 11 year old daughter fell off her bike coming home from school and we are currently at hospital to get it looked at. We are FINALLY waiting for the X-ray results. Why do I say finally? Well…she went in for the X-ray and a few moments later the bloke popped his head out and said “it is right hand isn’t it?” To which I said “no left” to which he looked confused and said “your daughter said that but the doctor has told me right hand so I will do that one” I laughed as I thought he was joking. He wasn’t. I said “it is obviously the left hand because that is the one that is battered, cut and bruised” he said “I need to get this approved by the doctor”.

About 15 sodding minutes waiting for him to get the go ahead to X-ray the hand she can’t move rather than the one that is absolutely fine.

Outstanding example of missing common sense is this world.

There must be others from the wise folk on here!
Click to expand...

As silly as it seems, the Radiographer would have been following protocol here and wouldn't be able to overrule what the doctor had asked for, so they were doing the right thing by going back to check.

I had surgery many years ago on my left knee, and despite having many consultations with the surgeon beforehand, 5 minutes before the operation he asked me which knee it was that needed surgery. Quite unsettling, and even more so when he proceeded to draw a big arrow on my leg to indicate which one it was - you'd hope they would know at this point!

However I later found out that they have to do this with every patient due to the very rare but terrifying occasion when someone has had the wrong limb operated on due to a mistake in the notes.
 






Finch

Finch

Active member
Jul 21, 2009
336
New Zealand
Berty23 said:
It is amazing. I was genuinely shocked at what was going on. No break for my daughter though which is a relief.
Click to expand...

It's surprisingly common. There was a surgeon here who replaced the wrong hip on an elderly lady. The Minister of Health put a positive spin on it after they redid it saying "she got two hips for the price of one!". On the flip side people are notoriously shit at accurately remembering things. They will swear black and blue they had prior surgery to the joint in question only to backtrack when it's pointed out the scar is on the other side. Occasionally the Dr's do have a genuine reason to x-ray the opposite side the main complaint seems to be about, they may pick up something in clinical tests that doesn't seem to be causing immediate grief but warrants an x-ray.
 


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