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[Humour] Do you consider yourself a chav - how many ticks on the list



dazzer6666

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Mar 27, 2013
52,500
Burgess Hill
I reckon scores might be higher than for the 'Posh' test. Maybe people need to include which area of the ground they sit in so we get a clear demographic

1. Have you ever purchased something from Bejam or Iceland?

2. Have you ever owned an electrical appliance made by Hinari?

3. Have you ever purchased a KFC family bucket?

4. Have you ever hung a pine fresh tree shaped air freshener on your rear view mirror?

5. Have you ever bought or worn shoes from Barratts?

6. Have you ever considered Pizza Hut an Italian Restaurant?

7. Have you ever bought Woolworths Ladybird clothes for kids?

8. Have you ever eaten a Findus Lasagne?

9. Have you ever worn jewellery from "Elizabeth Duke" at Argos?

10. Have you ever eaten a pot noodle?

11. Have you ever bought fresh cut flowers from a petrol station as a present?

12. Have you ever bought second-class stamps?

13. Have you ever knowingly bought own brand cola?

14. Do you think Marks & Spencer's food hall is too expensive?

15. Have you ever taken a Stenaline Ferry anywhere?

16. Have you anything in your wardrobe which is at least 50% polyester?

17. Have you ever fantasised about owning a Ford Cosworth?

18. Are you on first name terms with any bus drivers?

19. Have you ever recommended a Berni Inn as a decent steak restaurant?

20. Have you ever relieved a hotel room of its freebie shower gel or shampoo?

21. Have you ever drunk a can of lager you found on a train?

22. Have you ever offered to buy a cigarette from someone?

23. Have you ever brought a screw top bottle of wine to a dinner party?

24. Have you ever referred to dessert as "afters"?

25. Have you ever worn the same pair of socks 2 days running?

26. Have you ever removed a boiled sweet or gum and saved it for later?

27. Have you ever left washing out on the line for more than 24 hours?

28. Have you ever dreamed of owning a Winnebago?

29. Have you ever christened your home with a name and then included it on your postal address ie "Dunroamin"

30. Have you ever bought a garden ornament from B&Q, ie stone squirrel, ornamental wheelbarrow etc

31. Have you ever owned an "eternal beau" dinner or tea service?

32. Have you ever owned or used a sausage dog draught excluder?

33. Have you ever erected a flashing snowman or fairy lights outside your house at Christmas?

34. Have you ever placed a jewel encrusted tissue box on your rear parcel shelf?

35. Have you ever visited a Little Chef or Happy Eater apart from to use the loos in desperation?

36. Have you ever cut out and used money off coupons from magazines?

37. Have you ever received a Christmas Card from your local Kebab house?

38. Do you know anyone from Penge?

39. Have you ever bought and used "Shake n' Vac"?

40. Are any of your parents or family well known "down the precinct"?


Now tot up your "yes" scores and check below to see if you are a bit of a chav:


0 yes answers
You live in Mayfair and spend all your time at Harvey Nicks. All your friends are called Henry or Henrietta and you've never even heard of Top Shop. You don't drive as your chauffeur takes you everywhere. You live on a macrobiotic diet carefully prepared for you by Jamie Oliver. The only airlines you recognise are those that daddy owns. The only chav you have ever come across is a stuffed one created by Damien Hurst and showing at the Tate Modern.

1-5 yes answers
You're generally far removed from chav land, however, your brother once introduced you to a girl who lived on an estate and shattered your Illusions of Barratt Homes being a character from an Emily Bronte novel. You like expensive shops and generally only travel by London Taxi. Your mother once served you fish fingers, however you have adapated enough in adult life to only purchase Tesco's finest crab cakes as a substitute. You have the presence of mind to sneer at a bottle of Freixenet.

6-10 yes answers
You are definately entering the danger zone here. You have owned at sometime in your life a pet fish won from a funfair. You regularly buy Superdrug's own brand toiletries but ensure you carry them home in a Clinique carrier bag. You have a number of gold cards and a run a respectable enough car, however, you would do well to remove the "Baby on Board" sticker from the back. You enjoy good food and wine courtesy of Delia Smith's home cookery course and have been to University.

11-15 yes answers
You have a whiff of dog blanket about you and your shoes need to be resoled. You enjoy garden centres and eating out at country pubs. Your quite well known at the local KwikFit and think nothing of sticking a Bart Simpson doll to your rear seat window. You have often enjoyed a curry or kebab after a night down the pub and have used a doorway as a public toilet. It is likely that you have been arrested for a minor offence and count George Best as an idol. You are likely to have been educated to A Level standard.

16+ yes answers
There is no hope for you - you are well and truly an escapee from
the Island. You think that Blue Nun is a choice wine and always cook Spag Bol at dinner parties. None of your home cutlery matches and a few of your mugs have established chipping to the handles. Every room in your house is painted Magnolia and you have a dado rail in your living room. You name your children after pop or filmstars and buy the Sunday Sport as an informative newspaper. Your car is made by Ford and has *** burns in the driver seat. You've only been to Spain on holiday.
 
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Thunder Bolt

Silly old bat
I'm sorry I know it's meant to be humourous, but I cringe every time I see the word pikey, because it is classed as a racist word in law.
Maybe chav might be a better description?
 


Change at Barnham

Well-known member
Aug 6, 2011
4,920
Bognor Regis
It's a 4 for me, but I'm a council house kid who went to the local comp and often says the wrong thing.
The grading system needs amending.
 




Stato

Well-known member
Dec 21, 2011
6,589
I'm sorry I know it's meant to be humourous, but I cringe every time I see the word pikey, because it is classed as a racist word in law.
Maybe chav might be a better description?

I'd agree with this, but I have similar reservations about chav. It started out as a word that seemed to describe the non-U style choices of new money, but it's become a nasty word used to belittle those from disadvantaged economic backgrounds.

What about 'common'? It's been good enough for my 'married beneath herself' wife to throw in my direction for the last quarter of a century anytime I have (correctly) left the o & r out of my pronounciation of Seaford, or mentioned Goblin Steak Puddings, Rise and Shine powdered fruit juice, sitting at benches in pub car parks with a bottle of coke and a bag of crisps or, for some reason, Tiswas. (Who in their right mind would ever have favoured Swap Shop? It was the Saturday morning equivalent of that Rod Stewart song that kept the Sex Pistols from getting to number one.)
 












MJsGhost

Oooh Matron, I'm an
NSC Patron
Jun 26, 2009
4,501
East
Now tot up your "yes" scores and check below to see if you are a bit of a chav:

6-10 yes answers
You are definately entering the danger zone here. You have owned at sometime in your life a pet fish won from a funfair. You regularly buy Superdrug's own brand toiletries but ensure you carry them home in a Clinique carrier bag. You have a number of gold cards and a run a respectable enough car, however, you would do well to remove the "Baby on Board" sticker from the back. You enjoy good food and wine courtesy of Delia Smith's home cookery course and have been to University.

MOTHER OF GOD, it was you all along! :eek:

:lolol:
 










Greg Bobkin

Silver Seagull
May 22, 2012
14,857
With six, I'm more chav (I can't stand that term) than posh, apparently.
 






beorhthelm

A. Virgo, Football Genius
Jul 21, 2003
35,315
i could answer yes to most, but in defence while being a student.
 


PHCgull

Gus-ambivalent User
Mar 5, 2009
1,303
1 - I did once have a pot noodle. it was awful
 


Brovion

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 6, 2003
19,380
Round about 35. Some I'm not sure of, for example I've never heard of Elizabeth Duke jewellery - but I bought my wife's last birthday present from Argos so maybe.
 


SAC

Well-known member
May 21, 2014
2,550
Only 3 on the posh list but 10 on the "look down my nose at you" list.

Chav is just something middle class people call the working classes.
 






Feb 23, 2009
23,040
Brighton factually.....
1. Have you ever purchased something from Bejam or Iceland? :wrong:

2. Have you ever owned an electrical appliance made by Hinari? :wrong:

3. Have you ever purchased a KFC family bucket? :sick: :unclesam: :sick:

4. Have you ever hung a pine fresh tree shaped air freshener on your rear view mirror? :angry:

5. Have you ever bought or worn shoes from Barratts? :wrong:

6. Have you ever considered Pizza Hut an Italian Restaurant? :lolol:

7. Have you ever bought Woolworths Ladybird clothes for kids? :facepalm:

8. Have you ever eaten a Findus Lasagne? :sick:

9. Have you ever worn jewellery from "Elizabeth Duke" at Argos? :laugh:

10. Have you ever eaten a pot noodle? :blush:

11. Have you ever bought fresh cut flowers from a petrol station as a present? ???

12. Have you ever bought second-class stamps? :blush:

13. Have you ever knowingly bought own brand cola? :nono:

14. Do you think Marks & Spencer's food hall is too expensive? ???

15. Have you ever taken a Stenaline Ferry anywhere? :ohmy:

16. Have you anything in your wardrobe which is at least 50% polyester? :annoyed:

17. Have you ever fantasised about owning a Ford Cosworth? :wozza:

18. Are you on first name terms with any bus drivers? punish:

19. Have you ever recommended a Berni Inn as a decent steak restaurant? :wozza:

20. Have you ever relieved a hotel room of its freebie shower gel or shampoo? :shrug:

21. Have you ever drunk a can of lager you found on a train? :sick:

22. Have you ever offered to buy a cigarette from someone? :mad:

23. Have you ever brought a screw top bottle of wine to a dinner party? :ohmy:

24. Have you ever referred to dessert as "afters"? punish:

25. Have you ever worn the same pair of socks 2 days running? :rave:

26. Have you ever removed a boiled sweet or gum and saved it for later? :facepalm:

27. Have you ever left washing out on the line for more than 24 hours?:(

28. Have you ever dreamed of owning a Winnebago? :laugh:

29. Have you ever christened your home with a name and then included it on your postal address ie "Dunroamin" :laugh:

30. Have you ever bought a garden ornament from B&Q, ie stone squirrel, ornamental wheelbarrow etc :tosser:

31. Have you ever owned an "eternal beau" dinner or tea service? punish:

32. Have you ever owned or used a sausage dog draught excluder? :wrong:

33. Have you ever erected a flashing snowman or fairy lights outside your house at Christmas?:tosser:

34. Have you ever placed a jewel encrusted tissue box on your rear parcel shelf? :tosser:

35. Have you ever visited a Little Chef or Happy Eater apart from to use the loos in desperation? :eek:

36. Have you ever cut out and used money off coupons from magazines?punish:

37. Have you ever received a Christmas Card from your local Kebab house? :lolol: :xmas: :lolol:

38. Do you know anyone from Penge? :salute:

39. Have you ever bought and used "Shake n' Vac"? :flypig:

40. Are any of your parents or family well known "down the precinct"? :laugh:

Total = 3
 


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